Without my words

Odd thing is,
Even now,
That I do not,
At all,
Want to write,
I do,
Despite,
Of what I think,
Or feel,
I'll have to,
Write the words,
Down,
In order to,
Make peace,
With these thoughts,
See,
You ask me,
If I still write,
For me,
That is funny,
Cause,
That's not a question,
I do not ask you,
Do you still breathe?
The words on paper,
The sentence that rolls,
Rhyming and re-arranging,
Is living to me,
To ask me,
If I still write,
Is to ask if I still live,
For I can not imagine,
To go a day,
Without my words.

Sometimes, I do think, Sometimes I think I have a problem,
I think I think too much...

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Crowd fraude

The thing is,

You say to me,

You look for my face,

In every crowd,

That's how much you,

Miss me,

It does not sound,

Romantic,

Sweet,

Or as love,

At all.

It merely strikes me,

As odd,

See I am,

Not the one,

Following the crowd,

I find my comford,

In being seperated,

From the belending into,

Obvlion,

The crowd hand me,

So if you'd really loved me,

You studied my every move,

You'd knew the way I think,

An what I do,

Before I know myself,

So you would know,

That when you Miss me,

You won't ever scearch the crowd,

For you will not find me there,

I am on the exact opposite side.

You love me I know,

Yet you cant love me,

In fact you dont,

See you dont know the real me,

Your in love with the face,

You look for in the crowd,

And I ain't ever gonna be,

That girl.

Do you still do?

Where from,
Or where not,
I draw my,
Inspiration,
Is a complicated,
Question to be asked,
I told you this,
Before I tried to,
Explain,
But the thing is,
I can not explain,
These feelings,
And toughts,
Revolving around me,
Consuming me,
Until I decide,
I have to write,
In order to get,
A clear head...
I can not tell you,
In any words,
Just how much it,
Hurts,
That there is,
Mostly,
No reason,
For the word,
On black and white,
Even if it might,
It isn't.

Even if it might, it isn't about you,
I never write about others,
Or moments, I write about the things,
I feel. 

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Open letter: Dear President Obama.

Dear President Obama,

This is an open letter to you.
I am hoping it might reach you.

Your decision to allow Shell to drill on the Acrtic... Does not make sense to me at all. Enlighten me please.

Was it not you, that was supposed to stand for change? Was it not you that stirred up conversations about a new time, a new generation? And was it not you, that showed not only the US but the whole world, that revolution was in the air? The moment you got elected, when a better world was imaginable. Because I honestly thought it was. You where. I respected that man. Knowing how much work, time, blood, sweat and tears there must have been in the proces leading up to that big win. You lost that respect. When you made the decision to say "yes."

See there is a little thing I used to see whenever you where on tv, Facebook, or any other media. I saw chances for change. The person that's the pure evidence that in this world so twisted we all have equal chances. That there is the possibility to raise our children and honestly say to them, that there is really 'the American dream'. I guess not. Twisted is all it is.

Can I still choose to put a child on this world, when I know now, we are going down. Things are steering up all over the world, people are unhappy, disstatisfied, concerned. There are times coming up ahead the way we know nothing about yet, but they feel to me as if their cloudy. I ask you now, when you're the one they are going to mention in the history books. What am I to tell my child? When my believes are that you granting you blessing to shell (I refuse to mention with a capitol lettre) is the beginning of humanity failing this world we live in. What am I aught to teach them, when you do not teach the world to be better? How can I educate them to be green... When the world in fact think of other greens, that are not the leaves providing us with shade, shelter, and oxygen. But the greens making shell rich. How am I to tell them I would have voted for you, had I lived in the US. How am I to tell them I cried when it showed on the news, when now, I would vote against your decision. When now, I cry over this decision.

You have lost my respect. When I don't easily disrespect people, for they earn my respect. But you spend my respect for you like it was spare change. Are the opinions of the other billions of people living on this world not of worth for you then? Is it not true that one makes a difference? For if so, I doubt every single speech you have ever made. I doubt you morally.

Is it not, excuse me or correct me (leave a reaction, mr. President, surprise me), at any point... Is it not that...

We are ourselves, the nature, the environment. We are what we live in.

Don't tell me that each time there is another three cut down, our breathing doesn't get harder. Is that not a wrong thing we are showing? Is that the example we want to set?  Do not tell me we can allow things like this, when in fact we can not.

We are to set an example for the future generations. We are to share our values with them. Are we by  allowing this then, telling them, to use up the world because it's okay to be the new wolf of Wall Street and only think about money?

I thought in fact, excuse me if I am mistaking... That life was about living with others in harmony, to strive for peace within yourself to make peace with others. To try and leave as little of a mark that we abused this world as possible. Or even try to diminish it?

Am I wrong? Am I wrong for thinking we are aught to love the nature we come from, we live upon? Am I wrong, when I think we should protect this world for future generations? Am I wrong, when I do not forgive the one's allowing things like this to happen, when I so clearly have not even a voice to give or get in on this discussion? If this world where how it was aught to be, we all had a vote. I vote: NO.

No drilling, no oil, no waste, no spilling. NO SHELL. NO.

Just as many others, I can assure you, I hope you can make the right decision. For maybe you sleep, but I can not sleep at night knowing we are letting our children know, there will never be a better world.

We need change. We need green. We need a liveable world. We need nature, it's in our nature. You need re-evaluate your decision.

Please, for the sake of all beings breathing, think again, ask yourself if you want your two little girls to be taught these value's you spread upon the rest of the world like it is cream cheese. Think. Do you? Would you in your right mind tell them it is okay to put money first and nature second? "NO" I didn't think so. Then show them, and us, you are to be respected for the choices you make. Say "NO" to shell as well.

With all the care in the world,
I hope to hear from you soon,
Sincerely,

Carmen Verduyn.

Say NO to shell.
Say YES to a future. 

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Consumed.

You diminish you,
For the stimulation,
Of the littlest smile,
My mouth can make.

You fall to my feet,
Become grey,
Only to let me,
Be white, when I forget black.

You no longer light up,
To shine in my darkest hour,
For I am,
Your darkest and deepest,
The most relentless and damaged,
Part of you.

I have consumed you,
To the point,
Where you no longer exist,
I am the self within me, within you.

You consume me, your thoughts, the craving for you, the
littlest things you do, they consume me to the point,
Where I no longer have a self.

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Fall I did.

Why?
It would even,
Stick to my,
Frontal brain lobe,
I can't tell...
But it surely did.
He told me,
Not too long ago,

"That is't so obvious,
For everyone to read,
Off off me,
That words are my heart,
Words are my soul,
I am words at whole,
Which makes people,
To see easily,
Words can be used,
As weapon on you,
You can bring you down,
When you want to,
Or you can choose,
To say words of use,
So want to get willingly abused,
By a part time lover,
Knowing,
It will only take a few words,
To either let me,
Fly or fall."

And fall I did.

Maybe your different then I thought,
Maybe you aren't loops but flakes. 

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True love.

Never I thought,
I would find,
My one true love,
The one standing there,
Waiting for me,
When I get home,
Always happy to see me,
Who feels when I am sad,
Hugs me and stays with me,
That's always in for a walk,
No matter if it's two in the noon,
Ot two in the morning,
He never spills my secrets,
I can say anything to him,
He doesn't even judge,
My one true love,
Sleeping next to me,
Every single night,
Keeping me warm,
Making me laugh,
When he steals my sandwich,
Oh sweet dog,
I love you!

Have you ever been so happy,
You became a peacock?
Funny dog! :)

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Please you, please?

One more sip,
I could see his look,
Drunk and lost,
Just the way,
I like 'em best,
We stumble home,
Sneaky roam,
Close the door,
Sheets are drawn,
Push me up against the wall,
Hold me still,
Dare me to move,
Make the game intresting,
Tell me lies,
You know I want to hear,
"How beautiful I look",
"That I am the one and only",
"That you are falling in love with me",
I do not care,
If it's only for tonight,
As long as you'll be,
What I need,
I'd do whatever,
To please you, please?

I don't try to be sexy,
sexy tries to be me.

Sorry I just could't resist... ;-)
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WakeWakeWakeWAAAKEEEEE

2:30 in the morning,
Wind is blowing,
I ask myself,
"Why are you still awake?"
An answer does not call,
Sight.
No more sheep to count,
Or thoughts to resolve,
No more graces to pray,
Or prices to pay,
What merely bothers,
Is that my eyes will not close.
The slightest change of pitch,
In the song of the wind,
The littlest shimmer of darkness,
Makes me energetic,
Oh if only I where tired,
How can one even be...
Awake at a time like this,
Without being lonely, in love,
Brokenhearted, or all of them combined?
Maybe the problem lays,
Within my soul so eager,
To obtain more and more,
Of this world I suddenly see,
In brand new light.
I can not get enough,
From this rush of new thoughts,
The chemicals in my bloodstream,
I feel them, burning me up,
Catch upon my heart,
If only I could fall asleep,
But tomorrow never comes,
Easy when you want,
Or late when you desire,
Morning falls, when the sun rises,
And I can tell you know,
At 2:30 in the morning,
Darkness is your only friend,
If tomorrow won't come,
Then I'll be doomed,
To be drunk forever,
To dream of sleeping,
Instead of sleep to dream.
If tomorrow won't ever come,
Won't ever come.

If only you where, imagine the dreams I'd have.

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Unstatic poetic?

They mistook me,

For being poetic,

When nothing,

About me was poetic,

The pain I bled,

Was dark red,

Never black,

I wasn't ever poetic,

Purely hurt,

Deserted,

Shatterd,

Broken,

Dissapointed,

And pure deated,

Words,

Came out my mouth,

Rolling like poison,

From my tongue,

Yet net poetry,

Poetry doesn't Sting,

It steals your heart,

Never lets go,

My words didn't,

I am not poetic,

Just hurt,

Thats a difference,

Black is poetic,

I am merely blue.

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Forever 21.

Must this holiday be,
The forecast of,
So many things to see,
Of the 21 in me,
Then I shall pray,
To God, oh God,
If I may,
Stay 21 forever?
Cause I guess,
This is as good,
As life gets.

May we be, forever 21.

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Easy.

Cup of coffee,

In the morning,

With just the right amound,

Of cream and milk.

Christmaslights hung in,

Trees and tents,

At summer parties.

Sand wiggeling,

Between my toes,

Water playing,

At the strand.

Even in those,

Tiny moments,

I don't think,

I've ever laughed,

So easily,

As now that I share them,

With thy.

I laugh so easily now that I am with thy.

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Welcomed into speechlessness.

Welcomed,
Oh how I am welcomed,
Everywhere,
Now a days...

It should have been,
Such a treat,
As I always imagined,
And,
Yes it is,
Amazing.

Yet this thought,
Keeps clinging on,
As a wine stain,
On a wedding dress.

Why?
Now?
After all these years,
Why is it okay?
For me to be,
So different.

How come,
There was no one,
To welcome me,
When I was born,
When I needed a friend,
When I was...
So alone.

They all use,
My oh so beloved words,
Little do they know,
Just how much more,
I love their words,
Then I love thy...

For words where all,
That was there for me,
That kept me alive,
That held me,
That cared for me,
In my darkest nights,
When no one else was,
Words where there for me.

It was never poetic, I choose to become a poet,
You never made me, You just weren't that deep. 

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Hero.

"Don't just save me,
I don't want to be saved,
Teach me how to be a hero,
So I can be my own salvation."

- Carmen Verduyn

In one of my journals,
Dated to 20-07-2012.

So just randomly blurting out here,
The thoughts I still believe,
To be not only precious to me,
And to be experienced in my own life,
But also in others.

Love,
As always.

The world needs quotes. 

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Nirvana

Stepped down,

From my high heels, 

Bare feet, 

Touch the ground,

Stripped down,

To a warm body,

On the floor,

Layed my gown,

Not with sparkels,

Not with tule,

No colour,

No nothing,

But myself,

No make up,

No hair done,

Only thing,

To light up my face,

Was my smile,

Right on it's place,

All the compliments,

All the quick remarks,

About my sweater,

When I wondered wheter,

Nirvana was too heavy,

For a night like this,

Guess when you wear,

What you love most,

It's never a miss.

Live now

Sat and heard the city rumble,

Surrounded by sound,

I found silence,

In the screams and sirenes,

That piece trought dreams,

And make up for lost scenes.

Sat and watched the city crumble,

Drowning in movement,

My feet got caugh up,

On the pace of the flow,

Giving my cheeks,

A little blush and my eyes,

A glow.

Sat and saw how people stumble,

Life is not half as fair,

As they paint it to be,

Yet life is not half as beautiful,

As I could discripe,

These contradictions,

Make for thoughts in fractions,

Keeping it so clear,

You dont live only once,

You live forever in the now,

If you just allow,

To let life happen.

"Live everyday like your first and your last"
- www.carmenverduyn.com
quote. 

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Prague

He told me once,

"Your heart beats too fast,

You move to quickly..."

He wasn't right,

Yet he wasn't wrong either,

My heart didnt beat too fast,

I did not moved to quickly,

Maybe I did,

For the town we lived in,

I never could sink,

Into the rhytm, 

Of the steps,

Into the community,

Of hearts drumming together,

Yet here I stood,

Today of all days,

Finding that here I belong,

I fit in,

Every step a new sound,

In this place,

Forever now I'm bound,

To the people,

That seem to form my new home,

Oh Prague,

Your streets I roam,

Only to fall in love,

With the movement,

To watch the city crumble.

Peacock proud of Prague. 

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The begin

As silence,

Killed the nerves,

When she started,

To talk about,

What was waiting,

Up ahead,

The sound of,

Windows Rolling down,

Candy wrappers unwrapping,

And wind blowing trough,

Our hair,

Color markers,

Permanently in my mind,

The way they painted,

Windows and walls,

The sooner we marked,

Our 'X' on the ground,

The faster this place was,

To be found again,

I no longer cared,

For was it there or here,

Where our plans,

Started to disappear,

In the end,

It still was Berlin,

Just as the begin.

Promoting the blog in Berlin, rebel style! :)

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High

Aint thinking about nothing,

No worries on my mind,

No politics,

No hangovers,

No institutions,

No revolutions,

No restrictions,

No predictions,

Not even,

Thinking about not,

Thinking,

No worries...

For I was,

High on life...

"No worries cause, I'm high on life."

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