Sunday, August 31, 2014

To know you...

To know you,
Like you're the only one,
To know you,
Has not half begon,
To know you,
Is snowing me under,
To know you,
I beg on my knees,
Please please please...
To know you,
He said to me,
Is one to know,
It takes one to know one,
And I might only reflect,
The impact,
That you have on me,
What you've came to see,
Might be,
A mask,
How will you ever know,
To know me,
Is hard,
You'll gonna wonder,
To know me,
Is hard,
You'll learn...
I'll be burned,
When time had turned,
To know you,
To know me,
Is to know anything,
But our selfs...

In live you'll realize that there is a purpose for every person you meet.

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Fathers will father

Am I still a dad?
When I have no child left,
To father,
In this childless world...

Fathers will father,
Mothers will mother,
Even in the black,
Under their grief hood,
Father will father,
Mothers will mother...

You are still a mother,
Even when you're babies,
Have seen six feet under,
In a world of hurt...

I think, you think, that we think

I know,
You know,
We should,
You know,
I know,
We could,
I think,
You think,
The same,
You think,
I think,
In sink,
I see,
You seeing,
You see,
Me seeing,
What are,
You or,
Not confirmed,
As a we...
I know,
You know,
I'll remember,
You know,
I know,
Every memory,
I know,
You know,
What I know...
I feel,
You feeling,
Slightly different,
Where does that...
Leave me?

where does that leave me?

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I'm a movie person

I like movies,
The sad and tragic,
The star-crossed lovers kind,
I like to cry my face off,
While watching them,
Just rewind it,
And do it all over again,
Yet less heavy,
And I guess that sums up,
How I deal with everything,
That blows at me during life,
I feel it,
I feel it with my all,
And in order to give it a place,
I keep on rewinding,
Untill on of those times,
I stop crying,
After that time,
I still travel back,
Every now and then,
Just to see,
How far I've come,
How truly free,
In being whatever I want to be,
Whatever I like to call me,
I like movies,
That seem close to life...
I like movies,
It's a simple kind of free...

don't look at me, drawing by cv.

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Saturday, August 30, 2014

It must have been love...

You stood there,
Watching over me,
I could feel you're eyes...

I stood here,
for you to see,
Worth the price?

We stood there,
Looking and pretenting,
That it does not hurt...

Yet it makes me break so much more...

If you would just say,
That I was right,
Instead of sorry...

All I want is for you to,
Say that you want this too,
As much as I do...

Say those words I been longing to hear,
Say what we tried to disappear,

It wasn't just a crush,
We where in love...

It must have been love...

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Home is where the heart is...

You're far away tonight,
No where close,
To the place my bones rest,
Yet always,
Close to the heart,
Won't you come home babe?
They all say,
"Home is where the heart is..."
What takes so long,
Is this so hard to figure out...
When you're face is all I dream about,
So won't you,
Come home,
Come home,
Come home,
Stop making me,
Wait for,
You so long,
Too long,
Too long...
You're far away tonight,
Not even near close,
Yet always close enough,
To be the on thing on my mind,
To keep my heart beating,
And my soul sighting...

home is where, wifi connects automatically.

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Better then fantasy

Oh oh this wonderfull last night,
It restored all of my lost pride, 
I just laughed and laughed,
Untill there was no more sound left,
So much fun,
Like my life all ar once begon,
All over again,
Back to when,
We were just kids, 
When we laughed untill we cried,
When we used to make friends so easily,
Back to when we were,
Still runnend wild and,
Dreamed big,
Back to when reality...
Was so much better then fantasy...
I found it again last night.

You where better then my dreams, my wishes my fantasy...

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Thursday, August 28, 2014

Wild wild eyes

It took me by surprice,
His wild wild eyes,
He pushes me as far as I could go,
Still I didnt want to let him know,
This man has cured my every ill,
This man he makes me still,
This man, this man,
This man, this man...
It took me by surprice,
This reckless in my eyes,
He makes me crave,
Untill I can be no more brave,
I have to stop and behave,
But I dont want to no, no, no, no...
It took me by surprice,
Eyes, eyes, eyes...

Wild wild eyes, drawing by Carmen Verduyn. 

Drawed this on myself what ya think?
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Impulsive decision

It was so much fun,
Shooting the gun,
Making an impulsive decision,
Changing my vision, 
Without anyone to consult...

It was such a blast,
Choosing this fast,
Going with my gut,
My mind kept shut,
Without anyone to correct...

Choosing is really,
Nothing, something, anything at all.

The 3c's in life made my impulsive decision

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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

I wished I could ask you...

You're so far away tonight,
Haven't seen you in quite some time,
I wished I could ask you,
Are you proud of me?
Have I disappointed you?
Do you think I've made the right choices?
Would you look up to me?
Or help me understand....
Cause I just want you to hold me,
Hold me,
Hold me now...
Cause I just want to tell me,
Tell me,
Tell me now...
That it is okay,
And I'll be fine,
And everything is going to be allright,
Just whisper in my ears tonight,
You're so far away tonight...
Haven't seen you in quite some time...
I wished I could ask you...
I wished...

All I wanted, wished for... is food.... hahah

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Future wisdom

I'm walking towards my future,
I might be a little insecure,
But that's always right?
Before you can't sleep at night...
And then when the morning arrives,
The stings that seemed like knifes,
Turned out to be an exciting thickeling,
You get up shower, dance and sing,
A new start,
New day to follow you're heart,
I try to glance ahead,
But a voice inside said,
"Dear whatever comes you're way,
You're gonna be just okay..."
I trusted the voice without doubt,
And that appeared to become what life is all about,
Trusting the voice within,
And just listening,
To you're own heart,
That is where you'll have to start...

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Are mostly so changing...
Sometimes they hit you like a knife,
With the sharp end,
They take you're breath away,
Stop you're heartbeat and leave you bleeding...
Yet other changes,
Come as called for,
It's noting like a knife then,
More like a knife turned the blund way around,
More like breathing for the first time again,
Or rain after dryness,
Maybe changes,
Aren't so changing at all,
Maybe it's more about...
They way you look at them...
Changes are just,
Chances in disguise,
I think...

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Monday, August 25, 2014

What if's

I am starting a new college wednesday,
And he wanted to go out next saturday,
They asked me to a party sunday,
And in between thursday I have to go travel with them...

I want to be that impulsive, lay back, cool chick,
I wish I could be out going and everything else,
But the truth is I am scared,
Terrified by all these changes, eepectations and new beginnings...

What if I dont fit in,
What if it is not the place where I belong,
What if my best is not good enough,
What if he pulls back when he really gets to know me,
What if they asked out of pity,
What if it is all a joke,
What if even I dont believe in myself?

What if all I can about are what if's...?
I am so scared that I'll mess up,
I'm not dreaming just dooming...
Wont you come and hold me,
Tell me everything is going to be okay...

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Sunday, August 24, 2014

Comfort zone

Someone wise once told me,
"Sometimes you have to step out of you're comfort zone in order to create the most amazing experiences..."
And I guess its true,
It was so with them,
And so it will be with you,
Why would it not be,
For all I really wish for... is someone,
To whisper sweet words in my ear,
Who likes me even when I have the wild five minutes,
Someone who is not scared by the mess I can be,
And since that october 10th you have already proven all of these things,
So why is this so out of my comfort zone?
Like worlds beyond my heart says "yes"?!
Maybe you could promise for just in case I fall, 
That you will catch me?
For they all said they would and they had this whole web of strings to hold me with,
But holding on is not the same,
And I could hold on to these memories,
But they don't hold me back,
And they won't catch me or comfort me,
Not even close to the way you do...
Maybe I'll just lose my head and heart and jump trough it all,
Maybe it's more about the laughter and screaming instead of the fall,
Maybe comfort is not even as comforting as I thought,
I guess in a web of my own lies I was caught,
Lying about all that I feel,
Never believing in anything real...
Someone wise once gave me advise,
I took it to heart and there I found,
My heart was all along the place to let it all start...

comfort zone

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So good,
So far,
So great,
I've been Twenty,
For a month,
He asked me,
So how are you,
And eventhough,
I've had already,
Quite some blows,
I said to him,
So far,
So good,
So great...
Nothing more,
Nothing less,
I'm twenty,
Twenty a few months more,
So far,
So great!

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you you you

I could go,
Just this minute,
Trying to find...

I could go,
Get out today,
And stumble on,

I could go,
Get around here,
Without trying finding,

I could go,
Ignore my heart,
Stop listening,
And still,
Fall right back,
Into you're arms...

It's you.

Oscar Wilde weheartit quote

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Saturday, August 23, 2014


Its almost 365 days,
Almost a whole year,
I've been blogging,
It seemed so slow,
Even not statisfied,
With the tiniest grow...

Its almost 365 days,
Day to day in these days,
I've gotten 30 +googleplus followers,
My blogs own Facebook page, 
A lot of new friends,
And two published stories!

Its almost 365 days,
And what I though,
Or more wished to ever acomplish,
I have gotten in this year,
Throughout 4 seasons,
I never gave up,
And now I'm almost at:

Its almost 365 days,
And I hope that in Reading this,
In any kind of way,
I saved someone a day,
With one sentence written,
Or a word on the right place,
I created a smiling face...

Its almost 365 days,
Up to another 365,
And then I'll tell you all about,
The 730 days route...

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Friday, August 22, 2014

Simple me

I can not go back,
To who I used to be,
I can never stay,
The way as I am,
I can not promise,
That I will be,
Anything but me,
Me in the moment,
And nothing more,
And nothing less,
All I can ever be,
Is this simple "me"...

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Thursday, August 21, 2014

My shoes...

You said to me,
Won't you trade,
When you made,
Me out for,
A sad snob.

Go on,
Put on my shoes,
Take a look inside,
Look out of my eyes,
Feel my dead heart,
Hear the screams in my head..

You said to me,
I won't trade,
Suddenly you've made,
Up you're mind,
Differently about me,
Respecting my choices,
So for anyone else,
I'll give this advise,
Don't judge me,
Before you've set foot,
In my feet...

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I don't know,
Where too I will go,
So much more to see,
So much more to miss,
Yet theirs this itch,
Not able to be cured,
By any magic pill,
I need to feel,
Life floating in,
My lung breathing,
Heavily and wide,
I want to scream,
I want to live...
Maybe I just drive,
All night,
Trough the tire marks,
The white lines,
The gasstations,
All these exit signs,
Maybe I'll stop,
Somewhere down the road,
Maybe I'll get stranded in,
My heart will rest,
In Budapest.

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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Make me fall in love

I never understood,
How people could believe in love,
How they all thought it was so good,
I just never really saw it,
the sharing everything,
It looked stupid,
The having to tell everything,
That somebody knows every flaw you have,
All that kind of stuff,
The holding hands and the foolish pictures,
Why would anybody want it,
When there is a change that they might hurt you?
I could never risk my heart,
But then you showed,
And my heart stood still,
The world stopt moving,
And I forgot how to breathe,
Then as I heard the radio,
Suddenly all the love songs...
Were about you...

I love you with all my butt, I would say heart but my butt...
...Is bigger :D

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Apple tree

I might be the only fool in this world,
But I've fallen in love,
And now all that I want,
Is for you to fall as well,
For what else is expected,
From a denzel in distress,
Of this once was yet now a mess,
What else can I say?
I don't even recognize myself,
As I look in the mirror,
I ask who is this fool looking at me,
But I've fallen in to deep,
It's like Adam and Eve,
All this temptation,
You're my apple tree,
And I've fallen in love,
With the sweet sweet taste,
Of you're apple...
But tree don'y only hand apples,
The also provide shadow,
And I'd like to see light,
Please please please,
Don't fight,
I might be the only fool in the world,
And I might have fallen in too deep,
But please just catch me...?
Apple tree.

Will you catch me when I fall from the apple tree?

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Change my future

Today is the day,
That might change my future,
In whatever kind of way,
I could freak out,
I could keep calm,
Or ring the alarm,
But non will matter,
For even if it changes,
How I thought my future would,
Look like,
Life can not be plannend,
Its full of little interuptions,
Its full of "what if's"...
So I'll decided to go with the flow,
Wheter this wind will blow,
The future me,
I'll see.

All you can ever believe in is now- this moment-
because in a blink everything can change...
-- Dexter Morgan. 

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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

If you never try

Tomorrow is a big day,
Or at least its a big day for me,
And whenever I get close,
To life changing events,
Or moments of possibility,
I have a special routine,
It makes me confident,
I start the night before,
Put on Some music and sit down,
Take my 'memories that made me grow' drawer,
Then I'll just look trough it all,
Trough tests and months with days like I have to face next,
And what builds my confidence,
Is that I can not see faillure,
Not even if I failed,
For I've never given up,
Thats pretty much all you need in this world,
The will to fight for what you believe,
The braveness to try to reach,
Cause if you never try you'll never know,
If it was all worth it...

If you never try you'll never know,
There are stories yet to be written in front of us.

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Monday, August 18, 2014

Hello, Goodbye, November...

It is November again,
I still love November,
Even when,
You say,
That you can,
Love November...

Remember when?
It was November,
I still love November,
Now I still break...
How can I forget?
Nor do I forgive...
Will this be forever...

It is November,
Cold air,
Leaves falling down,
Walking round,
Getting lost,
And there I found,

Walking in this,
November rain,
Cause you still love,
How could we forget,

hello november, please be good, forever, november.

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Super trash

Eating and chatting about all this stuff,
I told her about these recent events,
How you still manage to controle my every thought,
How I keep on trying to pull the panic cord,
But somehow you always stop this pulling,
You just keep on coming over,
Keep on coming closer,
To get just one last glance at our box of souvenirs,
To say one more time "Remember when..",
Or "After all that we've been trough...",
Now it's mine turn to speak,
I've decided all on my own,
To throw away all these things that linger,
The McDonalds glass you made me keep,
With the promise of flowers in it one day,
It never got that far...
The receipts of all or dinners, the Greek, the pizza,
The parking tickets we got,
And even the one for gass,
Let along the picuters of you and you're brother,
Or the songs we've discussed,
The panty's you torn apart,
Little pieces of my shattered heart,
The festivals we went to together,
All the coins we still have left,
All the sheets we got dirty,
And all the things we screwed up,
Like the table coaster kind of thingies,
And the bell of my bicycle,
I've still them all,
Not even to mention,
All of these poems of mine you've read,
And all of those I wrote for you,
With you're sweet talk all over them,
The candy wrappers we shared,
And the cd's we've spon grey in the car,
The jacket you failed to ever give back,
And all,
I've kept it all,
Just in case,
The movies we watched together,
The tickets to the theater,
I've saved it all,
For the day we would laugh at it,
You're words remember?
Now it's just like it was supposed to be,
Some kind of real-life Super Trash...

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Sunday, August 17, 2014

Completely over you

Mids all this talking about you and all this rambling and going on,
Trying to talk sense into something so senseless,
I started to realize that it made sense,
From the beginning on you lied to me,
You never showed youre true colours untill today...
You told me you were trying to be all that you ever wanted to be once,
Just a we where driving down memorie lane,
And I told you oh no shame,
In some sort of twisted way I was right,
There lays no shame for you here,
Only shame for me,
In the not seeing trough you,
In the believing in my own feelings,
Now I'm the one left,
To say I don't understand and regret,
That I ever fell in love with you,
And that there was the key,
To getting over you,
I can no longer explain why I loved you,
My description of you is discriping a picture we once shared,
A statue that got burned down,
So since I no longer recognize youre eyes,
Of the love I once give away without price,
I can say,
That I am over you,

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Defeating death

When we where born,
There was only one thing sure,
There was only one truth,
We are all gonna die,
You can't control life,
Not even if you live controllably,
There will always be these,
I don't know what you call it,
Wrinkles in life,
That hit you,
Sooner or later,
And nobody,
Nobody said that it would be,
Or really anything at all,
All you can do,
The only thing you can controle,
Is in making it matter,
Making it worth it,
Make you're life worth living,
Every single day.

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Thursday, August 14, 2014

Colour blind

I had a talk with my old man,
Said dad help me if you can,
I just need to understand,
That eventhough I am not colour bind,
How come the world still seems black and white?
All these rules in a free world?
All the contradictions,
The going into war for peace,
Or the silent screams?
I had a talk with my old man,
Said he would help if it only can,
But this is not to understand,
No one is colour blind,
Were just afraid to find,
This world is colour full,
When all it ever seems if the giver kind,
Of black and white...
Had a talk with my old man,
It made me understand,
There is no unstanding...
In a world that has never been understood...

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The hardest part

The breaking of my heart,
The being shattered on a date,
The getting dumped,
The cold alone evenings,
Those are hard,
But it's not the hardest part of it,
Not the hardest part at all,
The hardest part is,
That moment when I think,
That I am over you,
This time I know for sure,
Until one second later,
I get a flashback to a memorie,
Of you and me,
I flash back to all these things,
I keep forgetting to forget,
And it's so sad,
That even now I know,
That it's the hardest part,
I can't do anything at all,
About the hardest part.

We might never be, anything at all, and that's the hardest part.

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Number 22

Sitting alone on the bathroom floor,
Wondering why I'm lonely,
When you once said to me,
That you could never love anyone more,
Then you loved me,
That I was the kind of girl,
That you only meet once in you're life,
The only one you'll really have to hold on,
Then what are we still fighting for?
Don't you know,
That even when I not show,
That I am always on you're side,
I'll protect you're pride,
Save you some shimmering light,
Never let anything hurt you or let you get burned,
We could be so save and sound...

You and you're stupid stubbornness,
Are eating all alone,
At our favorite spot in town,
What are you sitting at out table for,
Without anyone to look or laugh with?
Haven't I told you,
That you could tell me anything?
That I am a believer in second chances?
Did you not know,
That I am on you're side,
I am on you're side,
I am on you're side,
On you're side,
Time and again,
For you loved me then,
I will love you when...

you're 22, 8 and muc much more but mostly my #1.

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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Not much for faling

All humans on this world,
Every single one of us,

Is afraid of falling,
Ever since birth we are,

So ever since I could first breath,
I was coutions,

Never lost grip,
Never ever trip,

Always walking in a strait line,
Trying to keep balance,

Stay save and warm and good,
Just as girls should,

And then all at once,
Out of the blue,
I walked right into you,

I'm not much for falling,
But for you I did...

Not much for loving, but for you I would

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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Will you?

I love you,
Or I could better say,
I loved you.

It's all gone now,
There is nothing left,
Not even partial anything.

All that lingers,
Is just this one thought,
If I would dissapear,
Would you look for me?

If I got lost along this life,
If I got lost in this crowded world,
Would you search for me?

Even when everything,
Has broken down,

Even when the world,
Is slowly stopping,

Even when the sea,
Is as rough as the wind,

Will you look for me?

Even after all,

Will you look for me?

will you look for me?

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Sunday, August 10, 2014

Here and now

Walking down the crowded streets,
Just stepping along to the rhythm,
I got so caught up on this thought,
Revolving all around you,
These chemicals rushing trough my blood,
Brains breaking on mistakes I made,
I am asking to own heart,
If you want it? Why won't you feel it?
Saturday night at altstadt,
I wanted to turn back to home,
So alone in this crowded stream,
Without you to take my hand,
I wish you could let go of you're head,
Then I would let go of my heart,
And together we could feel it all,
In the mid of it all,
It's you,
I you let go of you're future,
I'll let go of the past,
And all we will ever have,
Is what's here and now,
Even for any little second,
I would vow,
To love you for ever,
Here and now,
And that could be,
Our own definition of "always".

boys in books movies or whatever are always better

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Just around the corner...

I'm just walking,
Making my way back home,
Where my heart is,
Where the soul sighs,
Where the peace of mind,
Is just around the corner.

I'm just walking,
Making my way back home,
Lights turning,
Red to green,
Train station bells,
Ringing at my stop,
Where my home sweet home,
Is just around the corner.

I'm just walking, 
Making my way back home,
Where the love,
Is in flood,
Where the sound,
Of every laugh,
Is so good,
My heart lays there,
Just around the corner...

just around the corner, lays my heart

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Friday, August 8, 2014

Listing lists.

I've got this list,
Filled with things,
That I would love to do,
Things that should give me a clue,
Of who I am,
And who I want to be,
I did three this year,
Things I love,
Things I fear,
Tonight I will do one again,
And when I do then,
I will grow a little bit,
And even though,
Growing up goes slow,
I know,
That someday soon,
I'll get the vision,
It is not superstition,
It is transfer,
A caterpillar I am for sure,
Someday soon,
I will fly like a balloon,
When I have grown into,
A butterfly...

finding who I am is harder then I imagined it to be.

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Monday, August 4, 2014

Intrigued past

Those things are unique,
I love it,
I love the smell,
The sight,
The quality,
But most of all...
I love the story,
The story behind the product,
The live it has liven,
Before it came to me,
I'm drawn to these things,
That just as me,
Have an intrigued past,
A story,
To be told.

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Friendship is...

He asked me: "How about friends?"
I giggled and said: "You have always been my friend. You might be my best friend as a matter in fact."
He looked at me confused: "How so, tell me what is friendship for you?"
So I told him: "Friendship is not saying were friends, it proving it every single time, by sharing you're food, doing things the other loves specially for them, it's in telling the truth even when it hurts, it shelters in sheltering with them during storm, it is in a thousands cups of tea drunken together, it is not one thing friendship, it is hidden in a million little shared smiles, friendship is worthwhile..."
He did not argue with me.
We became best friends,
He is my BEST FRIEND. ❤️

I promise i will do everything to make you happy.

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Saturday, August 2, 2014

Used to not be used to

Was a little bit like my old self today,
Crafted things for on my pin board,
Took an evening strawl,
Chatten with the neighboors,
Baked some cupcakes,
The only thing missing was you,
I did not shared my day,
Not even any activities at all,
With you.
I'm getting used to being myself again,
But on what a cost,
Now it is you instead of me I lost,
I'm getting used to not having you around,
Strange how fast,
I can get used to not being used to you anymore,
Without you.

the old me...

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