Friday, October 31, 2014

I'm clean now

If our love was to ever call a love at all,
"But didn't it mean anything?" He asked me,
How he dared I still don't understand,
But I know he'll never ask again...
I replied to him,
"It ment something, a lot acctually to me,
Our love was sleepless, like coffee,
But I prefer tea now,
Our love was ruthess and filled with risk,
I play it by he rules now,
Our love was like a storm,
So I hate rain,
Our love was a tight skirt,
The laundry gave it what it deserved,
It's torn stich by stich,
And never again for me will it itch,
Cause it has been tossed and turned,
And if it tries again,
I'm gonna let it be burned,
You where dope when I needed hope,
But I'm clean now..."
He walked away,
With his head hanging down low,
I know that I shouldn't,
But he just got this life of the party in his walk,
The way his shoes tapp on the ground...
I don't know why, 
Cause I know it's not worth another try,
But still I scream "Wait... Wait for me.."

you where like dope when I needed hope but I'm clean now.

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Sin is in...

It's here again,
That time of the year,
We the memories are alive,
But seem to disappear,
You and I,
Opposite sites of the room,
Follow each other around,
Like man follow girls perfume,
Or girls watch boys act tough,
The way it goes,
The way it has always been,
And we're no different,
I love the way,
We never truly fall apart,
We always fall back together,
When ii run from you,
I run right into you're arms,
If I try to go out and hide,
it is always you're headlight,
Shining down the road,
We have a love that weighs like a load,
I need you when I don't want to,
And you want me when you don't need to,
We'll just go spinning round and round,
I'll just want more and more and more,
We'll spin faster then ever before,
Until we crash the hardest we ever have,
And as you will leave you're marks on my back,
I'll leave the scars on you're arms,
We'll stay like tattoo's on the skin,
Like a satin for the biggest sin,
We'll stay in forever,
As a never...

She's a sin, But she's also my win,  I'll always give in.

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Thursday, October 30, 2014

You're beautiful

During my weekend,
I've found someone,
Sitting in my seat,
As I tabbed her on her shoulder,
I told her,
That it was my seat,
She turnes around,
And there I she her,
She is the better half of me,
The part of me I wish,
I could always be,
I did not need,
She had been missed,
For quite some time now,
And all at once there see was,
Like she had never been gone,
Laughing to all around,
Greeting everyone in the crowd,
And smile smile smile,
Oh how she smiled,
As if she lid up the room,
She raised higher then the ceiling,
I've found my believing,
For all these months I was missing,
This thing I could not put my finger on,
It was me, myself I had missed,
And there I was,
As if I'd never left,
I fell back into my arms again,
And reminded myself,
Why I loved me,
I whispered to her as we looked in the mirror,
I've been missing you,
She nodded and said so have I,
I love you, we belong,
I smiled because she knew,
I love myself too. 

Love yourself, it's the most important relationship you have,
you can never break up with yourself.

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Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Better take a step back

You and I have this past,
That looks a lot like a crumbled cookie,
Down to pieces shatterd,
All that is left to see,
Is the essence of the purpose to be,
Now you have broken my heart,
Only so many times,
You threw away every vow you ever took,
Gave away all of you're standards,
Just to hold me one more night,
As I recall that was not alright,
They told me about her,
After that all gets a bit blur...
I have always waited,
Out here with arms wide open,
But when you broke my trust,
For me it was a must to protect myself from you,
When he started to talk to me,
There was so much familiarity,
He thinks of you the same as I,
Yet all you see when we talk is a lie,
You become a green eyed monster when you see us,
Tell me baby, does it hurt?
Like you hurt me, is you're heart in pain,
I want to hear you say that you need me,
That if I am happy you are but that you would do,
Anything for me, to get me back,
Like I did and said to you,
But the only thing you do, is assume, judge,
But boy I'll tell you now,
The court might be out but for me it is always you,
I just want you to notice,
That also I have a notice,
If you are not going to fight for me now,
You might as wel never,
So if you find the power to leave her,
Please find yourself as well on my doorstep,
If not you'll better take a stap back,
My life is not in you're hands,
Nor will I ever live according to you're plans.

If you don't cross the ocean I won't jump this puddle.

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Revenge is sweeter then fiction

Someone once said to me
"The girl that left revenge behind,
Lived happily ever after..."
I could believe him,
But I don't,
For I got mine,
I saw them all hurt,
Saw the tears in their eyes,
As I used to see in the mirror,
I thrived off of it,
Oh how good it made me feel,
Phenomenally I think,
And now that all is evened,
They will wake up some day soon and see,
That in all this time to be,
I have always been the wonderful and grand me,
And they are as much of a person,
Worth as much as they where when just a child,
They are still depending and helpless,
When I got out,
I was my own ticket out,
While they dug a whole,
For their selfs to die in,
I will laugh as I greet them for the last time,
Spitting on their grave,
When I return,
Known as "that girl so brave"
If I ever will back here once more returned,
I will be when they have all been burned.

Happiness is the best revenge.

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Never have me

You can become anything you want,
A teacher in sports, a pilot, anything at all,
But you will never have me around...
You can get as far as men kind has ever gotten,
The world, the moon, and beyond,
But you never feel the same love again...
You can make anything you want,
Build yourself an empire with you're own castle,
But you will never be completely statisfied...
You can own anything a man needs,
But you will never have the one thing,
Every single man wants,
What you want, more then anything in this world,
You will never have me,
Nor my love...

dream and wish all you want, you're heart will never be complete anymore.

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Tuesday, October 28, 2014

I will aMUSE myself

They all want to know the same,
Have you written about me?
It's such a shame,
It makes it all seem kinda like a...
Like a cat and mouse game.

They all want to read it,
Wanne hear the words echo in their head,
It pathetic, it's so sad,
For I only give you credit,
If you deserve,
And rarely they who deserve ask.

You asked me that one night,
When you and I watched starlight come out,
You thought that I might,
Had wrote some about you,
For you recognized these thing you'd do...

Saying and thinking about these words back then,
Thinking about the what and when,
Inspiration is not you're creation,
It is mine,
You don't create anything by the way you dictate,
How you make me hate faith.

I choose my inspiration to become an creation,
It was never you,
It will never be you,
I am my only muse,
An so I will amuse myself.

You never saw how much it hurt me, I'm a strong woman.

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Lies lies lies

He just walked into the bus,
Since we go way back,
I thought "hello" wont hurt,
But je looked at me like dirt,
He turned his nose,
When he was the one who,
Wanted me to break up,
Tries to make me cheat,
He wished I'd fall for it,
Even if it was just for one night,
But I never did,
I told him then,
"Youre a little too late,
And I believe in faith,
So there must be a reason,
Why youre no longer in season..."
Are you still maf about that now?
When all I ever was with you,
Was pure and honest,
I never tried to make believe anything,
While you tried to trick me with everything...
At least I know,
That I was the one to win,
All you ever do is sin...

how can you tell lies and never feel sorry?

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Monday, October 27, 2014

Writing about you instead of my muse

As I had send her all these links of posts,
She read them all told me they where beautiful,
It makes me grow you know,
The fact that those who inspire me,
Also see in it what I see,
It made me think if you ever think of me,
Like you used to when the sky would shower,
When you where coming home from a long day,
Do you hoop up you're phone in bed,
Lay there staring at you're screen,
Reading them all and in you'll lean,
Or did you forgot me as whole already?
You ever still look in the mirror,
Missing how I would lay my head on you're shoulder,
Do you wonder those times,
If I still write about you like I used to?
Do you ever read it all,
Do you feel what I feel when you...
Is my voice echoing trough you're mind,
When it's one of yours on here you'll find,
A memorie we shared,
A date that has been cared,
I wonder what you think of me,
Every time you see,
On this blog here te word "we"...
Do you wonder if it means us,
Or maybe I have passed off from writing about you,
Found myself a new muse,
But what would be the use,
When all I ever write about is you...
It's all for you...

I used to think of us as two flames combined,
But it seemed I only was the lighter,
And all you ever where was the lair...

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Why aren't I allowed?

You said so as I only recalled later,
Cutting me like a knife made of paper,
You won't see a thing,
But you feel the sting...

I said "oh you're thingy"
And you went all "my brother?"
Why are you holding on so cliny,
When you choose for another...

I did not respond,
But I'm sure you could see I was not fond,
Of what you where trying to point out,
Baby, that not what it is about...

I thought you might known me by now,
But I guess I should of known somehow,
That you do not see the good in me,
As in you I do see...

Did you really considered me that low?
After all you put me trough,
I still don't deserve a glow?
Is there something you could do...

Won't you stop me?
We will see,
I'm sure you won't
Because that's you, you don't...

You've never once fought for what you love,
You don't look at me like I'm send from above,
When all I ever did was give you my all,
You just kept on building up a wall...

Now that I've started to move on,
It's seems you don't want me to be done,
With this thing that never got to fly,
And all I do is wonder why...
Why I am not allowed to move on,
When you are long gone...?

For you would never leave her for me,
You would never leave her for me,
You would never leave her for me,
Won't you...?

Maybe I'll meet you again in another point of our life's,
When we are better for each other.

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I'm dying to stop trying

There is this beautiful boy,
So close to me,
But I can not touch,
For it would be wrong to,
It's not something I would do,
But every time he looks in my eye,
I can not tell you why,
Somehow I fall in love all over again...

If he'd only saw what I see when he looks at me,
If he'd only knew what I wouldn't do,
If he'd only saw how I'm dying so hard not to try,
I wonder if he looks in my eyes,
If he can see, what I feel inside of me...

There is this wonderful man,
Who is too near,
But I could never call him dear,
Never keep him here,
It would not be right,
Even though it feels alright,
And now every time he looks at me,
I wish I could be,
Next to him tomorrow morning...

If he'd only known, that I had been waiting all along,
If he'd only known he was my superman all this time,
If he'd only knew I am dying to stop trying,
I wonder if he will ever notice,
That he is all I miss...

kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

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Wait for me

In the sound of you're voice last night,
I heard there was this shiver,
The doubt in the words you spoke,
I suddenly realised all these things,
That used to make no sense in my head,

You won't look in my eyes, for you might fall in love,
You don't touch me, for you might feel something beautiful,
You can not find the power to leave her behind,
So it's hard when in wishes upon stars it is me you find,
All because you want me to wait for you...
You want me to wait for you,
This world just keeps spinning,
And more and more you lose and they're winning,
When you want me to wait for you...

When you dance with me without touch,
So close yet no eyes to hold on to, to follow,
Was it all you wanted to do?
When we walked along to our bikes,
When they left us all alone in the dark night,
As you did not return home before dawn,
Did you did it all on purpose?
Where you making the decision not to wait?

Babe don't look in my eyes, I don't want to fall in love,
Do not touch me, I don't want to feel what you might do,
I can not find the power, to fight for you in this hour,
It's so hard to love with a heart that's been broken,
But I wish you would wait for me to heal,
I want you to wait for me...
This world that keeps on turning,
It seems that I am always the fool,
No that you keep on leaving me for anyone,
When I want you to wait for me...
Baby wait, just wait for me...

If you where not so scared of facing this world all on you're own,
If you'd only known, that I had always loved you so,
We would be together, I could wait for you, you could wait for me,
Won't you look the other way just one more time,
Until it's the perfect time when nothing is holding us back to make you mine.

loading, new life, waiting for infinity.

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Saturday, October 25, 2014

chef's special indeed

I was at a concert last night,
As I left someone grapped my hand tight,
As I turned around,
This mystery man said trough the sound,
That he loved seeing how much fun I had,
I was a pleasure to look at,
Since I did not know what to say,
I just said thanks or something like that anyway,
He gave me one last smile,
Whispers "maybe I'll see you at their next show,
It's still quiet a while.."
I laughed as I let his hand go,
I'll guess we'll never know,
Who he is now,
This man with courage,
I write about on my page...

Chef special concert night, I took a cinderella flight.

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Fame's a mean game

He came to sit next to me at the bus,
It was all in a little bit of a fuss,
But as we started to drive,
This one thing he said,
It hit me hard like a knife,
He asked me how my writing was doing,
That he read my winning thing,
You know you're really gonna be someone someday,
It was ment very nice as an compliment,
But it just wasn't okay,
I am a somebody already today,
Every human being is,
It's not like you don't count unless you make name,
The whole point he wanted me make got miss,
It was such a shame,
That he think this is all for money and fame,
I started because I love to write,
And I will keep on doing it dispite,
What anyone thinks,
I just hope that everyone loves it as much as me,
But doesn't that feeling counts for anybody?
I just hope he will find piece of mind,
And will not being left behind,
In this want for fame,
Cause it's a mean game...
Good luck boy.

The lucky one, +Taylor Swift on we heart it pic. 

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Forgot what I aint got.

The night was flawless,
It was a real bless,
Nothing more nothing less,
I was there and my mind forgot,
Why my heart felt like it had been shot,
Maybe because we danced a lot?
I had no time to think,
So no time to let it all sink,
Nothing to link,
To anyone, let along you,
I'm sorry but there's nothing to do,
I swear it's true,
Didn't even missed you...
Haven't thought of how before,
You and I would have swung more,
How we would laugh out the door,
I just forgot,
What I no longer got...

Someone you want to experience.

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Friday, October 24, 2014


I never thought,
Never ever,
That it would turn out this way,
I never thought,
Never ever,
That you could be the one,
I never thought,
Never ever,
That we couldve worked out this good,
I never thought,
Never ever,
That we would end some day,
Just split up,
I never thought,
Never ever...

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Back to strangers

We met so many years ago,
I still exactly know,
What you were wearing,
The way you where staring,
Following me with you're eyes,
It took me by surprise,
You started the conversation,
Yet it was nor the place nor the occasion,
Some what uphead in time,
When we shared a dime,
I saw "some other time" as that night,
You're green brown eyes hold so much light,
You made me smile like I never did before,
So I went looking for more,
You gave me a call,
On that date I took a fall,
I fell in love and hard,
My whole soul every single part,
I laid out for you to see,
All that is called "me",
It seemed you liked it,
For you admitted,
That I was not the only one taken a hit,
We met so many years ago,
We both know...
Even after all we been trough,
We now are at the same point as we started,
We're strangers,

Alone I roam the streets, we're stranger so I'm left now,
by myself, alone. Overthinking all, and I've come to the
conclusion, we're strangers, again.

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Themed party

It was the maskerade of the year,
Nothing else even comes near,
It the one night you dance,
Until you feet scream no chance...
You laugh and yell,
When there goes the last round,
The last bell,
Take on more look around,
See you're dirty shoe's on the ground,
Fall ten times while biking home,
Laying in bed thinking all alone,
That these are the nights,
That have turned into day's,
And shame that turned into stray's...
It's the kind of memories,
That we'll be playing back over and over,
The one's you share with you're lover,
It's the little town things,
The dancing and the sings,
That no one else understand,
See those city folks they can't,
Imagine what it's like,
It's the party of a decade,
Only made,
By our own.

themed animal party yeahhhh

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You did, I really thought, you did

Drove by you're house today,
Somehow it seems it's like automatisme,
To look inside for me,
Like I used to do when there was me and you.

Saw you're little brother today,
As I was making my way to work,
Wondering why did not work out,
Like we used to work so fine,
When you where mine.

The glass you gave me from the golden gate,
I broke it today, I slipped and fell,
And you're glass doesn't look wel,
It broke up in pieces like we did...
When we where a "we"...

I thought you did, why it never worked out, guess you're
anyone else as well...

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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Dresscode friendship

The evening was perfect,
The costumes almost made it feel,
Like we where at a maskerade,
Everyone dressed in dresscode,
We all took the note,
The music flowing,
And the firing wood glowing,
The laughter filled my ears,
With them my dearest,
The evening was perfect,
The drinks and the talks,
Daring to tell the story's,
Without any glory...
Everything kept between four walls,
As perfect as any night could be,
This night was perfect for me.

the best friends, are you guys. 

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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Knockie kid.

As I was wondering if you saw it,
I realized you must have.

Or better I know you have,
You always kept tabs on things like that.

That one time you even confronted me with it,
You always keep up to date on post and pics,
On all you can still reach in my life.

But you never reach any further than that,
It makes me kinda sad.

Once you where my all,
It would mean the world to me,
To know if you're proud,
If I lived up to you're expectations...

Then I flashed back to the night when you said,
That you had no more expectations left,
You lied and cheated on me,
Yet in this life there where no expectations for me...

I was even too low for that in you're eyes,
So I turned off my computer,
And smashed some apples...

I hate the fact that I can not hate you,
Not even after all the damage you did,
I still love you, knockie kid.

i wish we did. let get druk and spell our hearts out.

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Until time only kept

We were talking about,
People changing,
I instanyly thought of you,
That sunday morning,
You and me in bed,
You looking around the room,
Glancing for hints about,
What I am always hiding,
The pure and true me,
I had this board hanging up,
With pictures filled,
And black and white quoted,
"People change, memories don't"
He read it out loud,
Rolled over in my arms,
Kissed me on the forehead,
And he knew,
I am dreamer, a believer,
I'm just those things that he is not,
I am everything I've got,
He is everything he is,
And together we laid there,
Slowing into reminisce...
Until time only kept,
Our memories the same,
As you used to hold me.

people change, memories don't

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Monday, October 20, 2014

The other side of the door

I yelled at him,
As he was trying to open the door,
"I don't want you to see me like this..."
I went on,
I was sitting against the door,
And I knew all I needed,
Was on the other side,
But I already had shared too much,
He knew things of me no one else did,
I had told him about my dreams,
About these things I feel like I belong,
I told him that I had been strong for so long,
He knew too much,
And I trusted too little,
To little to let him inside,
When I needed someone to share the light,
Someone to bright up my day,
Someone to say that even in this messed up all,
I wasn't so messed up at all...
"Won't you please just talk to me?" he asked,
I started to talk a little shaken up and slow,
As I told him al that was on my mind,
All of the "what if's", all of the darkness and demons,
All the scars that are like tattoo's on my skin,
He said to me "well that's a good begin..."
At that point in time I realized that we all,
Every single one of the souls on this earth,
Have been broken and scarred, are stepped in our heart,
We all have stories and tears,
But he had fighted away all of my fears.
All I ever wanted was waiting for me right there,
On the other side of the door.

The other side of the door +Taylor Swift on this pic! 

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Birthday cake

As I was baking her birthday cake,
I was thinking of passed year,
What we had all been trough,
I have seen memories played back,
In which we smiled until we cried,
Memories where we both almost fell asleep,
Some in which we dance and sing,
But most in which we eat,
So I'd thought and thought,
What would be on top of the cake,
She made me a minion,
So I should do something animated too...

While the cake baked and baked,
I thought of more and more things we've shared,
Like watching awkward together,
On lazy sunday afternoons,
A million bus rides together,
A lot of shopping,
But again always food, food, food,
It was always included...

As the oven beebed I knew what to make,
On my best friends birthday cake,
I had to make something that,
Ate a lot like a...
Cookie monster...

Happy birthday.

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Give me a first chance, again

I never said it to you,
I never spoke the words you deserved to hear,
You did a million things wrong,
But not all,
You were not all flaws,
You were an inperfect man with a perfectly good heart,

We had this talk a thousand times,
Love or falling in love can not be plannend for,
It just happens in a snap second,
You suddenly see something in that person,
It seems so real so ment to be,

I never told you that when we broke up,
Not when I still saw you fading from view,
I did not yell at you "wait",
To tell you out of breath,
I kept it in so maybe someday,
When we where at our second chance,
I could say them,
But we never arrived there.

So I'll say them now,
In the hope I sound,
Just like my voice sounded before,
You will recognize this loving trough all,
When I tell you that I want to,

"Thank you for making me believe, when I was trying not to,
Thank you for making me smile, when I had forgotten how to,
Thank you for making me laugh, when I did not known how that sounded,
Thank you for making me dreaming, while I was wide awake,
Thank you for making me see, that everybody can be loved,
Even me..."

After that when I'll walk away,
I hope you think of me in another light of day,
I hope you flashback and remember,
That we are not looking for a second chance,
But a first,
We never stood a chance,
With everyone trying to tear us down,
So wont you give me a first chance, again?

I'll choose you, always, forever, in a thousand days, you.

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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Birthday passed and you didn't call...

As you sat there all night,
I was wondering if you might,
Behave like a gentleman,
Just because you can,
But you did not even say hello to her,
Let along act like you once were,
Not even a happy birthday,
That is not the way,
You let someone walk out,
It's not what break ups are about,
It's fine not to talk every single day,
But in some kind of way,
You will always stay connected,
After all you're life has been effected,
By her for quite some years,
You don't have to cry tears,
But not saying hello,
Is that not the lowest you could go?
Don't you know,
That that's the lowest you could go...

Oh don't worry about it...

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I know why

You where there,
As well as I,
Keep on giving it a try,
When all I do is wonder why,
What could you see in me?

You walked on by,
I looked away kinda shy,
Yet you still said hello,
And know all I know,
Is I do not know what to do...

You stopped right in front,
With you're hair so blond,
There was one out of place,
So I've put it back in it's space,
Did you feel it too?

I felt this shiver,
A blood rush river,
I hope you felt the same as I,
For now I am ready for the try,
Now I know why...
I know why...

I donut want to be you're friend, only more.

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no copy paste...

I dressed all up for you to see,
Thought that maybe, just maybe,
You'll be there as well,
I didn't know, could not tell,
When all the faces showed,
I guess I should've known,
You would not appear,
Not even close my dear...
I waited all this time for you,
To maybe show like you used to,
But there was not even a peak,
Only a little eye leak,
Now I'm left, to forget,
These words we said,
Even if tomorrow you surrender,
I will not remember,
My mind has been erased,
And my soul has gotten no copy paste,
You go give it a try,
Just before goodbye?

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Friday, October 17, 2014

Like leafs on a tree.

Like leafs on a tree we were,
First green and spotless,
Then as seasons started to pass,
We lost sight of each other,
You fell before me,
But I drifted off further down the hill,
The wind kept blowing us,
Sometimes we got together,
Other times apart...
Like leafs in November,
We started to lose color,
Got all crumbled up,
As December finally arrived,
Almost all the leaf I was,
Had been torn down by the weather,
As the snow was falling,
Water turned to ice,
We were broth freezing,
Like a distance with no end,
And an infinity without time,
Yet as the first flowers came out,
Spring's sun surprised us,
We got melted out of the ice,
And just drifted closer and closer,
At last we sunk,
And we were together forever.

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Girl's got to do, What girl's got to do...

It seemed that I was lacking on words the past days,
But not when you just now got into my ways,
I was always wondering howcome this is still unrealistic,
And then I knew why,
Because it is just as unrealistic as I feel it is,
So it seems we can not absolutely not be friends...

You don't have to call me and say you're sorry,
You don't have to walk me home to ask,
Nor is it a good idea to try and make contact in any kind of way,
Cause don't you've learned by now?
Don't you think you should've learned by now?
All I am going to say is nothing...
Oh nothing...

You go ahead with you're words and thoughts,
Go and find you're path and music,
Leave me here just for me to be me,
And you'll stay there so I'm sure we won't be bound no where,
Set me free, Of this fantasy that was never,
Never ever ment be be anything else then a fantasy,
See imagination is for solo entertainment,
It's a men's own creation,
To put something like that out in the world is asking,
For you're hearts devastation...

I am sorry if I where to cruel for you,
But a girl's got to do, what a girl's got to do.

For our soundcloud spoken word poetry version,

boys in books are better...
for exemple:
agustus walters, better
four, better
noah (notebook), better...

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Monday, October 13, 2014

I've found myself in writing

Last year,
Somewhere in between,
Part of me got missing,
I somehow had a disappear...

Last december,
If I correctly remember,
There was a storm of sadness,
And I just could not guess,
How it was I was missing...

The past,
Six months or so,
This hollow feeling last,
It wouldn't go,
And at last I started to know...

It was not anyone in this world I missed,
It was myself I could no longer find,
I was myself I left somewhere behind...

So for myself I started to search,
And I suddenly had this urge,
To do as my heart told,
It let me back to my own soul..

I am once again complete,
My demons have been defeated.

I'll carry on to no where,
With no one but myself,
And there I will  be happy,
With this simple kind of free.

I've found myself in writing, It's not just a lifestyle, it is my life.

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You neither...

I was thinking about not thinking of you,
But I don't have to tell you that when I did I didn't do,
Somehow I wished event hough I do not want to see you,
That someday I bump into you,
Like see you at the grocery strore or down the street,
Hear you're swinging stepping feet,
I wish even though I can't admit,
That on my birthday there is still a candle you lit,
I hope that in you're darkest days at 2 a.m.,
You'll think of me,
That whenever life gets you down,
You smile when you'll recall,
Who we used te be...
We will never be the same and at the same time never different either,
I hope you remember little details about me,
And little things we used to share or see,
I wish for you to wish for me,
Because that's what I do...
The only thing withholding me from picking up the phone,
Is that I doubt if you ever think of me,
And so it seems that every time I do not do,
You neither.

nobody said it was easy...

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I love me enough not to ask...

I'll always keep you with me,
You'll forever haunt my mind,
It's just that I do not always give in,
To that acing feeling of telling you,
Of trying to turn back time,
Of making you see just how much you mean to me,
For you wouldn't do the same,
And even if a hundred world collide,
Even if time where still on our side,
I would not chance what I wish once was changed,
I would let you walk away all over again,
For I'd rather have you walking out on a young me,
Then you and me have become a family,
I know in y head just as well as in my heart,
That our love was always met to part,
And all I ever really wanted for you,
Was for you to breathe me in like I am the only air,
To hold me like I am you;'re favourite teddy bear,
To keep me in you're mind some place close to find,
For you're heart to race like hot wheels when you see me,
And for you to look at me as if I'm the only light you ever saw...
I know now, What I felt back then,
And I feel know what I know,
You will never look at me that way,
So I'm good to say,
That even though I love you,
I'll love you enough to let you walk away,
I love me enough not to ask you to stay.

I'n not the girl who...

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Who I am...

I am..?
Who am I really,
I am not only,
The way I laugh,
Nor am I only the words I speak,
I am as much me as anyone can be,
I am not what you see,
I am what I choose to be,
Each day again,
I will choose in what kind of way,
I want to be myself today,
I am not only what you think of,
When you see the reflection of me,
I am the books that I read,
And the words I cry to as I fall asleep,
I am not the weight of was has happend to me,
I am what I choose to be,
I am what I choose to be,
And you can choose whatever way,
You want to see me,
But I am my favourite color,
I am the swing in my step,
I am the air I breathe,
I am the chocolate kisses,
And the touciness itself,
I hold all these things you cannot see,
So before you judge me remember that,
I am only what I see in the mirror,
And still so so much more...

who I am? That's a secret.

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Choose, choose, choose

Strolling along the leafs on the ground,
My head was spinning this world around,
Faster then ever before,
I wanted to turn back time,
Get back to when you where mine,
Now I've got this idea,
What if I just leave it all here,
For I know you pretty well my dear,
You never wanne choose until,
Someone else has already chosen,
So maybe if I just pretent all is frozen,
You'll hurry back,
Come home to me,
Cause only then you'll see,
That we belong together,
You and me,
Belong together....

that's why it's hard to choose...

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Sunday, October 12, 2014

Holy ground

So cruel and unkind,
To be getting left behind,
And so strange to find,
That when I was lost,
You off all were the one to find me,
I thought I wanted to travel and wander and get lost,
Yet in a fraction you showed me that all I really wanted,
Was to be found.
Babe we're walking on holy ground here.

holy ground...

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Friday, October 10, 2014


My mind keeps on telling me,
That I want you to wake up someday,
And feel hollow in you're heart,
Right there where I used to be,
That you'll feel sad or lonely,
Someday you'll miss me...
I keep on telling my mind,
That I don't am one of those people,
I want you to be happy,
No matter with who or where,
But my heart whispers,
Oh dear you do care...
And my heart is right,
My heart is always right,
I am more selfish then I hoped myself to be,
For I only secretly hope you're happy,
When you think of me,
Or think of how we used te be,
I want you I really want you to miss me,
For then you and I would have been,
It would've been love.
For only love could keep breaking my heart,
And my heart would keep craving for more,
Only if it was love,
Nothing less, nothing more,

together? forever...

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Thursday, October 9, 2014

My mom and I...

My mom and I,
We have something special,
Unconditionally, unbreakable...

I have these memories, all of them,
Engraved in my mind,
Close for me to find,
Whenever I need her love,
I think of waking up together,
Baking on christmas,
Singing songs in the car,
Talking for hours,
Tea and movie time...

Where ever I am, when ever...
I always reminisce,
About you're, goodnight sunshine kiss,
The way nightmares don't scare,
When you hold me tight....

My mom and I,
We've always had,
A strong connection,
With a loving reflection,
We're bounded,
Even in the sky we're grounded.

My mom and I, I love you to the moon and back...

Love you to the moon and back...

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Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Star Childeren

I'm one of those new children,
So they said to my mom,
I am more feeling to certain events,
Always thinking in other worlds,
Wise for my age,
But it never felt like that.
They said I was gifted,
I could read people so easily,
Ignorance is bliss,
I don't want to feel the worlds sorrow,
I don't wanne stay overwhelmed by all this pain,
I want to rest my head,
Somehow I forgot,
How to do exactly that...

First read it from top to bottom then the other way around...
What you think? Xoxo

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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Fake friends

People always say that you get what you give,
Well I discovered that it is not like that at all,
The world is not even close to anything that honest...

I gave you my all, my love, everything and anything I shared,
All I got from you was my heart broken and scarred,
Nothing easy or equal there...

That girl that has something nice to sa about everyone,
I'm that girl, whatever you share with me, I'll make you smile in my reply,
But then when I share and I rarely do, they don't respond not even a try...

I'm to one that always remembers when there is something special,
And I really thought that that was a special gift, being thoughtful and all,
But it seems non of them care to even once make me feel just as them...

They only succes in make me see that I will be as special as I try to,
For you see "people want to see you do good but never better then them"...
And I guess I did, Now envy and jealousy are the only things the share,
Did they even ever cared?

we are no friends, I thought you where but it turns out...
you are just as fake as you're face under make-up,
you can't cover up you're personality you know!

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Top #3

He said to me,
Out of the bleu,
He you know,
You could make,
A top 3...

You've got a place,
In 3 books,
So I should,
Probbably think of,
My top 3,
For someone someday,
Is gonna ask me...

I just laughed,
Looking weird at him,
Saying "You stupid..."
But it was not,
What I was thinking,
At all...

I just got,
The good kind,
My heart skipped a beat,
When you said so,
I got so proud,
Like I have never,
Really ever,
Been proud of any,
Accomplishment or whatever,
Until he spoke,
These words...

Look how far,
We've come...

The only thing,
In my mind...

Look how far,
We came...

something always brings me back to you...

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Drifting in my mind

I was thinking about my thinking,
And thinking how I might be thinking to much,
Or at least I think I think to much.

I was just wondering of,
Into this fantasy that used to be,
So much more natural and close to me.

I might have even been mindless dreaming,
For at one point I was inside a memory we shared,
Or more like you and me talked about it.

Since my consiousness would always know,
That it could never like that again,
I knew that I know it was not what I had known all along.

I was drifting trought my mind,
As a boat in an soulless ocean looking for a harbour light,
I fell asleep just after midnight.

When I woke up by morning sunshine rays,
I remembered it all so vage not sure what way,
So I looked back in time,
And I found you.

Mindless dreaming right in my arms.

when I drift trough my mind I fly like a butterfly

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Monday, October 6, 2014


Choosing between you and him,
Seems like a battle I'll never win,
A fight within,
Or maybe my heart should better give in...

Choosing always seems like losing,
Maybe I need closing,
From this love triangle thing,
Just give my mind a swing...

I thought I like him I really did,
But when he took my hand there was no hit,
I only felt just not that one little bit,
I'll just let it stay in the mid...

I will no longer leave my heart,
Nor my mind getting left behind,
From now on I'll only take part,
In what I want to find...

there's a revolution, the writing on the wall...

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Sunday, October 5, 2014

piece of art in my heart

Somedays I see art as something devine,
Something I will never touch, never be.
Other days art comes so easily,
In every single leave I see the beauty,
The colors so bright, until darkness replaces light.
Last week I thought of art,
Of something less static,
More like a movement in you're heart.
Maybe art is not what the artist sees,
But more what you want to see,
What you want te piece to be...?
If I think, what I think is art, is art, from off today,
Then every class I am bored in,
Becomes art class as I reach for my pencil,
And then you are and every word leaving you're mouth,
That one piece of art I carry in my heart,
Yet most days of all I know that,
I love you're soul, mind, body, every part,
Boy, you're a work of art!

you are the piece of art in my heart

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Friday, October 3, 2014

One more angel...

The clock stopped ticking,
At midnight,
In the darkest hour,
When you're body,
Lost the last power,
When eve you're heart got cold,
Time passed out,
The world stopped spinning,
And we lost...

Every angel is scared to loose her wings...

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Thursday, October 2, 2014

Never be as bad as you...

Went to the party,
Did my make up six times,
Kept going back to the mirror,
I was sure he would be there too,
What was I gonna say...?
I didn't matter so it seemed anyway,
He brought her,
Seems that I'm not good enough,
Not what he wanted,
Nor what anyone needs,
I'm a nobody,
Not even a second choice,
More like a "as if",
Or a last resort...
I went outside to the porch,
Lighted a smoke,
He appeared next to me,
Saying "smoking is bad for you..."
As he looked at my red cup,
He went on rambling,
"Why are you drinking,
It could do so much damage,
Grow up it's bad for you,
Why would you do that?"
And I replied,
"Well it can never be as bad to me as you where...?
Can it now..?!"
He was silent,
I speechless as well,
I scared myself for a minute there,
Did not even sounded like my own voice,
When he turned around he still mumbled,
"It could never, I'm so sorry...I am..."
As he walked back to her,
So was I...

smoking could never as bad for me as you.

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I used to love November,
The English rain,
The leaves turing bright,
Then lose it all,
Live life summed up as whole,
You shine bright for a while,
Then every single one of us,
Loses it for a little while,
every once in a while,
And then,
You get soaked with tears,
Whipe you're mind, body & soul,
Clean and clam again...
Not a cloud in the sky,
Not a drop of rain to be found,
Only the red and yellow leaves,
You'll shine again,
Until the clouds appear,
And you share another tear...
But don't worry my dear,
Balance comes when you're older,
And much much bolder,
I only wonder why,
It seems that lately...
It only seems to be flood with rain...

it's had to hold a candle in the cold november rain...

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Do you, do, Sometimes?

Around the time,
I imagine you're waiting,
Sitting on you're room,
Or standing against the wall,
Laying in bed,
Tired from a long week,
Do you think of me?
Travel back in time?
Smile as the memories pop-up...?
I do...

Around the time,
I imagine you're lost,
Wondering in you're head,
Searching all around,
For a shared thought,
Of you and me,
Do you go here then?
Read my words of that date...
I do...

When one of those,
Unforgettable memories seems forgotten,
I go back to the date,
Look for it here in my dairy,
Where you as well can see,
Just how much those little things we shared,
Ment to me...
I think about it...
Do you?

sometimes I still wonder why things happend the way they did.

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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

A nightmare that's no where...

I had a nightmare,
Oh my scare,
I did not dare,
To look in the dark,
To find a light spark,
He asked me,
What's wrong sweetie,
Without me showing,
Somehow he known,
Explained my dreams,
That I heard screams,
He held me tight,
Promised I'll be alright,
Next thing I knew,
He flew,
When I got to my bed,
I found a teddybear,

"To my dear,
For easily resting you're head...
Never ever forget,
You're not alone,
Not even when I'm gone,
The bear is there,
To take good care,
Of my precious..."

I think he is the one... don't you?

some people care too much... I think its called love...
-- winnie the pooh

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