Stunning sting

I found myself today,
I am so sleepy,
Got some pills down,
With a bottle of Jack,
I no longer lack,
The dare to,
I lost my nerves,
When I lost my sobriety,
I don't care my will is dead,
I found myself a had,
I am so sleepy,
Fell in this so deep,
The more liquor running,
The more thought stunning,
Deeper the needles,
Deeper my feels,
I'll drown until I breathe,
Just for a relieve,
For an out.

If this poem wakens unpleasant feelings,
If you are in the need to talk,
Or if you have self-harm or suicidal thoughts,
Please follow the link below for online help.

"We can help you get trough this."
https://www.imalive.org/

It's a messed up world, but life is always worth it. ALWAYS.

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Cotton candy

We had a cotton candy kind of love,

Sweet oh so sweet,

Soft and sticky,

Innocent and kind,

Pink coated dreams,

Shimmering eyes 'n sugar highs,

Romantic scenes,

Everything you ever wanted,

You wished for as a kid,

We had a cotton candy kind of love,

This bittersweet replaced,

Even if I might never again get,

A cotton candy kind of love,

I hope you do,

I hope you do.

Needy

Who needs a purpose,
When you can be dauntless?
Who needs sleep,
When you can get a latte on the way?
Who needs touch,
When your constantly keeping in touch?
Who needs time,
When we manage it all?
Who needs love,
When we have forgotten how to...
We all do,
We might not need it,
But we do,
We do,
We so.

We don't need money to enhance, we need to enhance, do be so
focused on gathering the needs that you forget the means of what you need.

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Game changer

The world was completely blacked out,
I don't even remember what I was thinking about,
The music blasted inside my ears,
I forgot that I had to breathe,
I strocked, I froze, I lost it all,
When he sat down next to me,
Suddenly,
I could not remember what acting normal,
Even means at all,
I was wondering if he noticed,
My heart was pounding in my chest,
Cheeks turning red from just looking at him,
He smiled at me, when our hands touched,
I had no idea, that anyone could be,
So infactuated with a stranger,
A complete stranger,
No even knowing there name,
Their story or their game,
Without any knowledge then his eyes,
His looks, his sound and his smell,
I still fell,
Hard.

I was playing with my neckless, when he sat down next to me,
And suddenly my whole world had changed.

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Tied only so...

I thought about avoiding you,
But can I even,
When our life's are so close,
When they get played out,
Just a few miles apart,
Not only do we rest our bones,
Not far from the others home,
But also the intwined memories,
We used to share up until lately,
Have you ever thought,
That there might be chance,
That we never go out,
Of each others life's,
Even if we wanted to,
Even if we are not a 'we',
Still forever more,
We will be connected,
Cause we've been infected,
With the others ties,
And even though we try,
You can never untie,
A nod tied to tight...
Of thoughts revolving in,
Midnight starlight..

We are tied only by so many little reasons, like happiness is...
we are as well.

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Be friends?

Misty morning,
Wakes up dawn,
I am drawn,
To look at you,
Yet you don't lay,
Where you used to,
Stay.

Dark night,
Filled moonlight,
Shimmering bright,
I turned over to,
Hold you,
Yet you don't lay,
Where you used to,
Stay.

2 A.M,
Wondering if I can,
Call you my friend,
Cause if this is the end,
Is it even possible,
To still be incredible,
Close and intimite,
As we used to,
Stay.

Sunlight rises,
Voices raise,
Losing praise,
I ask you,
What am I to do,
When non of us is,
Where we used to,
Stay.

Am I to walk away,
When I can no longer stay?
Or am I to stay,
For I can walk away...

Where we used to...

Stay.

We made a love infinite in a finy kind of time. 

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One task

We sat there talking,
How is work?
Is your mom fine,
Things like that,
Perfect in line,
Yet I do not understand,
Why he does not,
Bring up the subjects,
He wanted to talk about,
It took him an hour,
To start the conversation,
That flowed with frustration,
Why not speak up,
Why not ask,
When that must be,
The real reason,
You want to see me...
Why not be strait,
When I said don't wait?
Why not ask,
When thats's the one task,
You want to fill...

Your not a nutella jar.

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Love again

In just a fraction,
I felt this attraction,
Without any ropes,
I fell into hopes,
That he might feel,
The same way,
What am I to say,
When I still wonder,
If this is real?
I am getting snowed under,
I am out of touch,
By feeling so much,
I have no idea,
How to flee,
From a feeling I need,
For which I bleed,
I want to hold on,
But am I that strong?
Can I handle this less,
For me not to be a mess,
Can I handle so many,
Without losing any?
Get me out of this coaster,
For my heart is burning,
Without a roaster,
Now I'll be learning,
To love again.

I wonder what goed through your mind when you hear my name.

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Live more

Found myself craving,

To learn more,

Taste more,

See more,

Feel more,

Travel more,

Experience more,

Love more,

But most of all,

Live more...

The hardest thing is,

I don't even know,

If that is possible...

To live more then,

To live.

I found myself craving to live more,
when I don't even know is that is possible.

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Angels flew.

He stood,
Hair covered,
Underneath the hood,
I shivered,
Knowing this look,
Not long before,
He started to talk,
And I shook,
My head in absence,
In wanting to flee,
Seeking ignorance,
I wanted to unknow,
What I know now,
But it was to late,
It fell on my plate,
He stood,
Eyes down,
Red lids,
Bite marks on his lips,
His hair covered,
Underneath his hood,
If only I hd not know,
Where to belongs,
This mood...

The skies turned black and blue, when I heard about you.

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Don't want you.

Put on my hot pants,
And the panty you torn that night,
Back in August under the starlight,
I whore my all stars shoes,
The one's we used to lose,
Let my hair down,
Making sure I would,
Trigger your memories,
Smell my best,
Pass the test,
And just then when you started,
As you glanced over to say hello,
I walked away,
For the first time,
I no longer wanted you to be mine,
I did not care at all anymore,
The stunningness was to be read of your face,
I just finally found grace in the idea,
That I don't want a love,
That needs to be reminded, manipulated,
One that asks for me to be something,
I am not...
I don't want a love I have to force,
I just don't want you anymore,
I changed my mind,
Sorry, but don't worry,
For you still have her so,
I'll let you go.

If only you where the one...

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Dream a little dream

She has absolutely no idea,
How much it means to me,
That she spoke with kind tongue,
About my handwritten words,
The smile she puts on my face,
With her compliments in grace,
It is uncompaired,
To any laugh I ever laughed,
It was bolder and wiser,
More obvious and crooked,
It stained like it was hooked,
I am happier then ever before,
Now all I want is more,
More stories to write,
More stories to tell,
Opinions to be heard,
I have finally found,
Where to I belong, I'm bound,
There will be no turning,
Only learning,
Until I have seen,
My books published,
The eyes so green,
Stokes so mean,
Only then I will see,
Only then she will have an idea,
What it means to me.

Dream a dream with me and we'll wish ever day 11:11.

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The rain fell out of the sky,
As I walked along a forest road,
The green leave where hanging,
At the same time brown one's laid,
It was a strange idea,
Yet so real at the same time,
That this might be,
The nature's idea,
Of reincarnation,
Of life after death,
of looking after our loved ones,
For the brown leaves,
They're the antsistors of the green one's,
They're looking up to them,
Seeing them bloom and grow,
While they lost their life, their colours,
They will form a blanked for when,
Their brothers and sisters,
Will fall down as well,
Making sure, the fall is to be broken,
When they are layered up on,
By the leaves they made room for,
They give birth to,
Then the worms compost the leaves,
Making new energy from lost energy,
Turning them into growing food,
For the threes and plants they once,
Thrived and shined on,
Making their way back,
To where they come from,
Where they belong,
And that's the circle of life,
Energy never gets lost.

That's the circle of life. Energy never gets lost.

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The kids future days...

The idea hit me as the cold winter air,
All kids these days ever see and read,
Is sex, drugs, not going to school,
They say they all feel depressed,
When hardly any of them knows,
What the definition of clinical depression is,
If they where to grow up,
Eventually or ever,
What would they write about,
Paint about?
What masterpieces would come forth,
Out of squandering with health,
With future and love,
Like all you ever get is one day,
They all keep on screaming,
You only live once,
When to me,
You live every day,
You only die once,
Or maybe twice when souls count,
And that's all there is too it,
There is no in twenty years,
When you can't even afford another beer,
There is no future in instagram likes,
Or in mollesting bikes,
The idea hit me as the cold winter air,
That in being completely normal,
I might be rare and special,
These days...

Don't follow the crowd, choose to stand out.

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Pain?

As recently I could feel myself,

Sloping trough,

Starting to forget you,

I got it for the fist time,

Last year I read in a book of mine,

That the human mind,

Ereases the memorie of pain,

That must be why,

I can not seem to find,

The memories we shared,

It been getting left behind,

The pain is getting old,

Now that the shimmering gold,

Gets blowed off layer by layer...

I am finally getting sane again,

No more pain,

No more memories...

Just what remains when forgetting,

Nothing but a blur.

Oscar Wilde Quotes.

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I ship friendship

Unforgettable,
These thirteen girls,
Stand beside me,
One by one,
They have begon,
To grow on me,
In different ways,
Recently I started to see,
Some have grown up,
To become,
Wiser then my own mom,
Some of them turn out,
To be more then the topics,
They talk about,
Yet most of them feel,
As my friends,
My best friends for real,
I never believed in love,
Nor did I in friendship,
Yet now that I have found grip,
Beneath my feet,
I must say,
That I wish for them to stay,
I am no longer bitter,
No longer scared,
To get attached,
So I only hope,
They think of me in the same way.

Will you take a picture of us? Thanks it's amazing...
Until we saw it the next day..

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Stay this simple

I'll breathe it in, out,

Sit at the exact spot,

I watched you sleep,

Here so often,

So happily. 

I'll touch the places,

You've head rested,

Where you've drooled,

With a little silent snore.

I'll long for the linger,

Of you're baby shower smell,

The way you'd held me,

Under a unbreakable spell.

I'll lay as you laid,

When I put over you,

Shivering a little plaid,

I'd tucked you in.

I wacht memories pass by,

Asking myself why,

Something so strong,

Got broken.

The strings came untied,

Even though we tried,

It was never enough,

Cause you don't try,

You give it all without,

Reasons why...

So here I lay,

Wishing you'd stay,

It could stay this simple. 

I'm not much for dancing but for you I did. Cause I love your handshake,
Meeting my father, I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets,
How you kiss me when I was, In the middle of saying something...- TS

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Screen dreaming

The phone buzzed,

Screen lighted up,

As did my smile,

I had not seen it,

So bright for quiet a while,

You made me laugh,

In a way,

I craved for so long,

The phone buzzed again,

You're goofy emoticons,

They make me feel,

As if there is something,

Wishing for it to become,

A thing for real,

I don't know why,

But without any effort,

Or sense of try,

You have the ability,

To light up my world,

As you messages,

Light up my dark room,

With just two fingers,

Hitting a screen,

On the other side of town,

You save me from every torn,

You hand me roses,

Without buying flowers,

Hold me without presence,

Cherish me whilst being absent,

You kiss me without lips,

And tomorrow,

You'll be able to hold me,

Without any chains,

Cause I think,

I'm falling for you...

I have the tendency, to dream of you're name on the screen,
ever since we've ment.

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Hands up

He and I started talking night,
In such a stange way,
I've found a connection,
With someone who for I feel,
Absolutely no affection,
I really tried to,
Dislike you for hurting her,
Leading her on,
But I just think you're grand,
You are so understanding,
For these things,
Not many around see,
In the light of day,
As it appears to me,
Yet you do,
And I want to be mad,
For you keep on making her sad,
But the truth is,
I wonder sometimes,
If it where you and I,
If it where a different time,
Had you never lend her your hand,
Or asked her to wait,
Never took a leap of faith,
Would there have been something,
Between you and I,
Or is it only,
Honestly,
Because I try,
Not to think of you,
And not like you in order,
To make her see,
What you are to be,
The reason why,
I think of you,
I ask myself,
Would you ever be to be named,
Differently,
Would I have liked you better then?

I'll throw my hands up in the air, act like I don't care... Cause baby,
we where ment to have bad blood.

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Sick inside

Forgive me for being empty,
I understand if you,
Want out of this.

Forgive me for being dreadful,
Unable to get out of bed,
To fake another smile.

Forgive me for being unable,
To handle anything but the truth,
I prefer the cold and hard hell,
I've always seen, for unknown pleasure.

Forgive me for not saying,
That I love you too,
When I so clearly do.

Forgive me for not being,
Anything you thought,
I am not only a sad girl...

Yet it appears to be,
That lately,
My happy self has left me.

Forgive me for not being,
The girl you kissed that first time,
The girl you made your own.

Forgive me for forgetting,
About all in the heart,
But it's empty,
Every little shattered part.

Forgive me,
For forgetting,
All there is,
To life.

Forgive me for,
Longing for the knife.

Forgive me,
For listening,
To the voices inside of my head,
Forgive me for once again I'm sad.

The sickness inside a head, is one to be unseen and unheard.

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Deserve more

Selfish.
My wishes are selfish,
But never more then I am.
It is selfish for me,
To crave for you,
As the sun craves to see,
The moon for once.
It is selfish of me,
To pick coins out of puddles,
With the wish to,
Be the one waking up next to you.
Cause you deserve,
So, so much more,
Then a sad and broken girl,
With weary eyes and mascara tears,
You deserve so much more,
Then the girl with the dark mind,
Then the one who is scared,
To tell you she loves you,
You deserve more,
Then half of the heart,
I have to offer you.
You deserve more,
Then this little selfish me.
Yet selfish is all I can be.

I'm not that strong.

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Cause it's like breathing for my soul

Why do you write?
They all ask me the same,
He laughed at me,
For being somewhat odd,
I tell them all the same,
I laugh at him,
For always colour within lines,
I write to escape,
To let my thoughts speak,
To let sense get out of paper,
Or to get non-sense from screens,
I write to not be utterly bored,
I write to not fall and snore,
I write to write,
I write to escape,
From life, and living,
From death and dying,
I write to make a path,
An route to flee on,
Cause this life had just begon,
And our life's,
Are not at all ment,
To be lived in a small town,
With small minded people,
So the thought I can not speak,
I write,
So that one day,
When my voice is to be heard,
I've got my speech prepaired...
Why do I write?
Cause paper is the only one,
To listen without judgement,
To hear without distraction,
And to take in without caving un,
Paper understands,
To who'm I write,
Why I want to ignite,
Why I write is a question,
Without answers to be understood,
By anyone accept paper,
And that is the main reason,
Why I write.

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Truly.

I wanted to tell you,
But I didn't,
Thought of calling you,
Yet I didn't,
Try to text you these words,
But I couldn't,
I was numb,
I was reckless,
Now how must I confess,
That I am not,
Nor will I ever be,
What you expect of me?
I am so sorry,
But I can't and I won't,
Be yours...
Truly.

You just don't know about me, And I want someone to see,
The real ME.

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Start to End.

As I was talking with my mom,
In this rainy afternoon,
I realised I'll see you soon,
You're not so far away,
Resting from where my bones stay,
In the end,
We where all ment,
We where all born,
To become skeletons,
Yes indeed.

As I was summing up thoughts,
By telling her my thinking,
I saw that drinking,
Any pain away,
Is never a reason to stray,
From life as it is now,
Cause no matter how many sips,
No matter how many glasses,
Time rarely passes,
Us by without any notice.

As I was pin pointing my feeling,
I found that not believing,
Can also be very deceiving,
In making the choice not to,
You still believe that nothing true,
It feels as if my world is tumbling,
My vision in crumbling,
Yet I am not scared,
Cause non of us was prepared,
For this life we're living,
The life we're given.

And in the end,
We all end,
Just as we all started,
We all end.

Time is short, so think a little less, live a little more.

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Alarming

Darlin, Darling,
I'm sorry,
But it's alarming,
That you have a spell,
Over me,
I'm dying,
By you're charming,
Lies, lies, lies,
They all love you,
With golden hair,
The salted sweat,
Naughty sheets,
Red lips, bite marks,
You're the vampire,
Of the living souls,
A twilight scene,
Plays out before my eyes,
When you tell me,
One of the sweet lies,
I hang on to,
As a child to their pillow,
I rely on you,
Darling, Darling,
It't alarming,
How I feel for you,
Honestly.

Let's skip and go right ahead to the talking souls intwined. 

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Call out

Am I to ba called a writer,
just because I write?
Am I to be called a philosopher,
Only because I think philosophy?
Am I to be called unique,
For I am an unique individual?
Am I really anything at all?
Before someone else,
Names me that...
Can you name yourself,
Can someone else name you,
Does the world give you a name?
Or does life provide you,
Trough out the days to come,
With numerous of possibilities,
To search for a name,
That does not only sound,
But also feels fitting?

Am I to be called a writer?

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The pain-game

Player,
One word,
One man,
One girl,
One to brave,
One to naive,
Two heart,
One shattered to parts,
The other,
Doesn't even ever,
Share a tear,
For the love that's lost,
When it's her it costs,
She'll be drowning,
In tears,
Thinking you're in fear,
When you're not even sorry,
She keeps on worrying,
About you, how you do,
She'd do anything for you,
Yet she doesn't have a clue,
About you, you, you,
Descripted in...
One word,
Player...

As +Taylor Swift would say... "The players gonna play play play"

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Different timing

Thought about you,

And me,

About us more,

Or all that we're not,

This thing we tried,

To turn into a fling,

It left me stranded,

But now I've landed,

On the answers,

We had absolutely no timing,

Always mining,

To find the one thing,

We where missing,

It wasn't anyone's fault,

Only faith,

We missed out so many moments,

To meet each other,

Ever single year,

I never understood,

How it could be,

So randomly, so coincidental,

But it was only because...

We had no timing,

We where not only a coincident,

We where and accident,

Never where we supposed to meet,

Yet we did,

Oh how we did...

You saw this view a year earlier, same things, people, places and thoughts,

Yet different timing...

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Let life start

They all gave a reaction,
For a second a fraction,
I saw it there,
The care,
Suddenly I dared,
To have shared,
Something so my own,
That's becomming wel known,
I had to try,
Without any reasons why,
To go and climb up ahead,
Enough words said,
I am going higher,
Raising fire,
Nothing but laugher,
For this fire starter,
We're going up,
Together with the red cup,
The dances and kisses,
All our dreams and wishes,
They'll come true,
Like I found glue,
Sticking to my heart,
Giving it a part,
Of yours,
And now half of my heart,
Makes sure our life starts...

Don't forget to let your life start, it starts with yourself.

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Perfect line

I need another story,
Another time to let words flow,
And you know,
Yes you know,
That I only get so,
When your here,
So tell me,
What do you want to hear?
Tell me my dear,
Touch my heart,
Play the part,
And I'll give you,
Another perfect line,
Another verse to show,
To your friends,
To gloat about,
Making me shout,
Scream and dream,
I need another story,
I need a fall,
But I really do no dare,
To even pretent to care,
I am so scared,
To have another story,
Cause stories always mean,
I fall in love, live the dream,
But I don't,
I don't ever want to fall in love again,
I am so scared of another broken heart,
I can not take that part,
The hardest part of all,
Right after the fall...

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I need another story.

Set your heart free

The moon shined lighting up,
Rained pavement glows,
As all was silent still,
I got a little drizzled,
Inside my own mind,
He took my hand,
Bravely and wild made his say,
Offered me his commitment,
But I just shut,
Inside my mind into a gut,
I made no sound, all was quiet,
He didn't cared,
He wasn't saying any of it all,
To make me fall,
Or to hear the words back,
He said what was on his heart,
I now finally see,
What it must feel like,
To set your heart free.

I wish I where more like you.

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When it's time....

"Why" you'd ask me,
"Why?" they'd ask me,
"Why do you still spend time on it?"
"Why do you wait?"
"Why don't you walk away?"
"Why do you stay with someone...
Who'd never stay with you?"
For all these questions the only simple answer is,
I don't know when to come,
When to ask,
When to show a part of myself,
When to give my heart away,
But once I've did,
I can not leave,
I am bound,
Because I don't know,
When to leave either...
I honestly just don't have,
A feeling for when...
I don't know,
When,
To tell myself,
It's time. 

I just don't know when...

 













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Foxed or Boxed

At school today,
In a weird way,
I found out,
What I am about,
Not the me,
I was forced to be,
The one I was,
Before I took pass,
The road they all roll,
The acting like a doll,
I am not one to,
Do whats supposed to do,
I am one to free fall,
To be on shearch for a call,
A calling within the soul,
Something to make me whole,
The feeling we look for,
What makes us sure,
We are taking the right way,
But is the right way,
The one straight ahead?
We mustn't forget,
That all in nature,
Is drawn to be circulair,
Not shaped in boxes,
The whole world fillied with hunters,
Filled with hungry man and woman,
And there are just a few foxes,
I guess I'm a fox,
Trying not to get caught in a box.

I'm a fox scared to be placed in a box.

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Raining sunshine...

As I sat in the train,
Watching over the clouds,
Making their way away,
To let the sunshine shine,
I found that the it was raining,
Sunbeams down on my cheeks,
Turning red and wrinkled,
From the smile dripping of my face,
For once upon a time,
It feels like everything is falling in place,
I love where I am,
I accept where I've been,
And I can't wait to get where I going,
Yet I am sitting in the train,
Watching over sunny rain,
Smiling as I stare blank ahead,
With these pictures of a moment,
I want to capture forever inside my head,
Hoping I'll never forget,
What I just said...
Raining sunbeams down the way,
Is there anything more to say,
To expect from a lovely day?

It's raining sunshine.

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