Monday, December 29, 2014

Alone together.

"Why would you even like me?"
I whispered in his ear,
As I could not help myself,
But pulling back,
From this one thing worth fighting for...
"Wait" he yelled,
Grapped my hand,
Looked me strait in the eye,
And said...
"Because you are annoyingly outraguous,
Unable to do anything without coffee,
The one that has to be right always,
Never giving in, nor giving up,
You are a stubborn, chocolate eating, scared girl,
You're the one that drives me insane,
But makes me smile as if I never laughed,
You make humming sound in you're sleep,
And you love me more then you'll ever,
Could love yourself,
But most of all because my biggest wish is,
To make you see,
What I see when I look at you."
"I don't..."
"Yes, yes my dear. I know you don't know,
But you're not knowingly you,
Unable to make sure to yourself,
That you love me and we're in this together,
Loves me harder then any right minded,
Unafraid of relationships girl ever could,
I only love and need you."
"You're an idiot" I laughed as he kissed me.
But he knew what I ment.

She was so scared of being together and falling apart ending up alone,
That we decided to be alone together, forever. 

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Saturday, December 27, 2014

Something, Maybe?

I know I m not ready,
For anything like this,
But if there is a hurry,
I would not pass the kiss,
I'd take it all,
Go for the jump,
Rather then the fall,
I'd go in the deep,
Without any safe word,
Or ropes or nets,
I'd give it all up,
On someone I had never known,
Who I might not ever know,
Someone that could have been,
On the background,
For my whole life,
You and I,
Could've passed each other,
Without ever noticing,
And now there is just,
This might be ever could have become,
A something...

You make me wanne be with you,
Instead of alone,
When all I love is being all by myself,
Prove my heart right,
Maybe make this something,
Our little thing.

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I wanted to state,
That my addiction was over,
No more lost lover,
No traces left of anything,
That could tie us back together,
That could link one another,
But I am not.

I wished I where,
Kicked off in a rehab,
But I never where,
I am still hanging on,
The the littlest bit of hope,
It is not yet done.

If I where clean,
I made sure to never see,
You ever again,
For I don't want any flashbacks,
To when,
I where an addict.

If I where only clean.

If I where only clean...
But there is no escaping this world.

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Friday, December 26, 2014


There I lay,
On top of my longs,
But there is only,
Silence around,
Nothing notices,
These voices inside,
Of my head,
I am only,
Left with,
This echo,
The only voice I hear,
The only one,
Who knows,
My true self,
The only friend,
Not gossiping,
As I pretent to,
Be fine,
Act kind,
Do good,
I wonder,
If there is,
Anyone here,
To hear,
My echo...

It echoed trough my mind,
This voice so similair to mine,
That I was giving up on someone,
That the mirror showed when I stood in front,
Someone so close but unknown. 

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Tuesday, December 23, 2014

It makes me

She walked trough my door,
Instantly I had this thought,
I could not sleep trough,
Nor rinse of when bathing,
It stained to me like wine on a dress,
Unable to wash of just by hand,
It stayed with me,
When it should've cleared up,
From now on,
My life will be like this,
It will stay this,
Head over heels,
Fast and furious,
Hundred miles an hour,
Strange faces and places,
And everything...
From now on my life would be,
So interesting that others,
Might be more interested in me,
And in my life then I am myself. 
So I guess that make me,
The girl people read books about,
People dream about,
Or change the channel for on tv,
But most of all it makes me,
Free from who I used to be,
It makes me for te first me.

You're the kind of girl people read books about.
-- We heart it. 

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Saturday, December 20, 2014

Need a little more 2014

I am not ready for 2015,
I need this all to be turned back,
We have to go and rewind,
Until you and I are back at,
New years eve 2013 turning to 2014,
When all our options where still open,
Where you and I had,
Conversations in which we laughed,
When we still spoke frequently,
One look at you and my day would be made,
You'd buy me drinks and joke,
And I'd listen to your secrets,
Play out or favorite movie scenes,
We would make sure the other would get home,
Dance on top of your drunkin' feet,
Eat together and reminisce,
Falling asleep in the arms that cared me,
Trough that October night holding me tight,
I am not ready for 2015,
Please, please...
I am begging you give me a little bit more,
Of when it was 2014,

I need a little more of 2014, I am not ready for 2015.

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But still I'd reach,
Without any reasons,
Nor any ropes,
I'll let myself fall,
Unknowing if your,
Arms are willing,
To break my crashing,
Down for you.

Yet to close to handle,
All I need,
And never enough,
I'll let it all go,
But if you'd only known,
How I dream about,
You at night,
Every single time.

But I'd still reach,
I don't know why,
I have this urge to try,
And find myself,
Close in some kind of way,
To you,
I'm just so,
Caught up on you.

When you realize how much you're worth,
You'll stop giving people discounts.

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My cure

As I sat there,
Next to the toilet,
In the mids of the night,
Feeling as horrible as anyone could,
I thought of you,
You would be the one,
Who'd hold my hair back,
Who'd wipe my mouth,
Hand me a towel or water,
You'd be the one,
Caring me trough the night,
Making me soup,
Putting me in the shower,
And lay me under a blanked,
Darling you know,
If you're the cure,
I'd be sick for ever,
Won't you be my cure?

You're the only thing I need...

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Friday, December 19, 2014

It takes

It takes a lot to change a man,
But even more,
When one is scarred.

It takes a lot to change a trait,
So much more,
Then to change faith.

It takes a lot to change a person,
But even more,
When one is unwilling.

It takes a lot to change a life,
But even more,
To change lifeless fresh flesh.

it takes a lot to change a man

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Hope is a drug...

I hope you tell them one by one,
That you've messed it up,
Somehow you lost me,
I hope you still think of me,
Every single day when you wake up,
When you go to bed and in between,
I hope you blurt my name out,
Like you used to when you where drunk,
Every single night to every single girl,
In the hopes to find me,
I hope you wonder how I am,
I hope they all feel you break as they say my name,
I hope pictures of me laughing,
Make you wish you could turn back time,
I hope you still miss me,
I hope you still hope just as much as me.

Both afraid to say,
But somehow,
Always in the way...

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Thursday, December 18, 2014

Future self.

I can feel myself,
Going back to,
A girl I knew,
In my New York,
Dancing mirror,
Smiling dreams,
Singing party,
And Laughter at noon days.

I can feel myself,
Going back to,
Some place I've been before,
Where the skies,
Are bight blue,
No clouds,
No rain,
Only clear kind of place.

I can feel myself,
Going back to,
Someone I once saw,
she inspired,
and brighted me up,
That one time.

I can feel myself,
Going back to the memorie,
Where I was thinking of,
Who I'd want to be in the future,
In those dreams as I looked,
In to the windows passing,
Suddenly I saw that future dream me,
In the mirror today,
Saying good morning to myself,
It was me, I could feel it.

You are, Who you are, When no one, Is looking.

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I miss you...

A year's gone away,
Time flew,
But not like then,
Time flew without memories,
No flawless love,
No enchating night,
No sparkling dates...

A year's gone away,
365 days counted,
But not as they used to,
365 days counted without...
Being accounted for,
No midnight dances in kitchen light,
No chocolate kisses,
No more pantys torn...

A year's gone away,
As if there never where,
Any other way,
A year could go by by,
A year's gone to waste,
Cause now there is,
No frizzy hair to tame,
No cold air to heat,
No soup to eat,
No fights to be fought,
No lessons to be taught,
No celebrations,
And no more collaborations,
No more diners in candle light,
No more...

A year's passed by...
And I still miss you...

 a years passed by and I still miss you,
Like a child misses their mommy,
A boy misses their toy,
I miss you...

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I did it,
I just did it,
Without thinking,
When she asked,
I handed it over,
My whole life's story,
And the story,
Behind the story,
My thoughts,
They all are,
On those 52 pages,
In that one envelope,
It's all in there,
Handed my past,
Present en future into,
Someone else's hands,
For faith to decide over it...
I'll just go home,
That I just did it,
I did it.

It's all in that one envelope, my past,
present and future...

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Wednesday, December 17, 2014

How far

You where so close,
Last friday and saturday night,
I wished our eyes met,
Like they did before,
I wished we talked,
We laughed, we where us,
But there is no more of that,
The shine worn off,
Not all that's left,
Is rusted old and broken,
But someday,
Maybe tomorrow,
Maybe in a few years,
When you open up,
My debute book,
You'll read the authors note,
Saying "Look how far we've come..."
For you,
You where so close,
I was so close,
We both where so close,
To be us,
So close,
Don't you see...
How far we've come?

Someday when our lives differ, when I live somewhere
old vintage and colourfull, And you'll be what you've always been.
Excellent in whatever, Maybe you'll wonder,
Think of me, Read these words,
And realize...
How far we've come...

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Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Lucky one's

Please, Just speak out,
The words you're eyes are telling me,
For I can see what they are trying to say,
But I don't know if that's okay?
Okay with me, With my heart,
I'm just fine, But I'm scared that you'll make my heart drown,
Cause every time I look at you,
I can feel I'm falling further down,
And there is no stopping me now,
So come closer, Sweep me off my feet,
Knock me down, Pick me up,
Love me, Like you used to do,
This time please don't break my heart,
I only ask you to hold me,
A love that comes back around,
So many times is a love that has,
Never left heart nor mind,
We're the lucky one's,
Oh yes we are the lucky one's.

We're the lucky ones...

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Mistook for me

They mistook me for her,
And her for me,
They said to me,
"How great that now finally,
You got together after all..."
But we where not,
You are with her,
Now it has been over a year,
And they mistook me for her,
Or more like her for me,
For I was there first,
For at least twelve times,
Which makes you wonder,
If that drunk night you fell in love,
Did you only fell in love with her...
... Because she looks like me?
Because you mistook her for me,
As well..?

Did you only fall in love with her,
Because you mistook her for me?

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Sunday, December 14, 2014

People we can't have...

I always find myself,
In these strange situations,
Where I fall in love,
With someone I can't have,
Either they have a girlfriend,
Are ten thousand miles away,
Or untouchable for a great number,
Or other reasons,
But hey, I'm a dreamer,
So I'll be statisfied by the daydreams,
That seem so real and full of life,
That reality begins to fade,
She asked me,
"How come always you, like this,
Like never someone in reach?!
You silly.."
So sweet she thinks it's something that,
Happens to me,
Cause it's not,
It's more by choice,
I am so scared to be ready to,
Give away every secret that I own,
Give someone a look inside my heart and soul,
That I'd rather fall in love with those I can not have,
Then to try to make something out of what,
Has been there all along,
I am just to scared,
But in the end,
Don't we all fall in love with those we can't have?

But in the end,
Don't we all fall in love,
With those we can't have?

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Made by you

A new life was born,
Trough or love,
Not a birth of a child,
Nor the live in which,
You and I would stay,
Together forever,
But the rebirth,
Of the same old me,
That I had once been,
But lost somewhere,
Along this road,
Called "life",
Some bumps where heavy,
Others got smoothed,
I don't really know how,
I guess I was resting,
Stopping somewhere to,
Catch my breath or so,
That must have been,
When I lost myself,
In these 100 miles,
All of these buzzy life's,
And somehow,
Without doing anything,
You made a girl,
That didn't knew who she was,
Herself again,
I should've known all along,
But never felt like I belong,
Yet you,
Made me whole again,
Made me, myself,
So I'll just be the best version of me,
Whatever that may be.

Made in the 90's, made by you, with a dust of life,
And the finishing touch of me...

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Only to be caught

There's this friend I have,
To call my own,
One so well known,
That I can not recall,
Her not being in my memories,
And all of my favorite stories,
Wheter it was about clubbing,
Or about going to a movie,
Late summer night talks,
Nor dining or bus rides,
She always knows how to make a night,
Filled with so much light,
I have been thinking about this,
For quite some time,
Thinking if I could make this trait,
Also one of mine,
But I think I really think,
It's not to be taught,
It's only to be caught,
And it most surely has caught my eye,
So without any reason why,
And without doubt I must say,
That in whatever kind of way,
She could make everyone's day,
It's something special just from her,
So this one's for you, thank you,
For being nothing else,
Then that what I'm fond of about you,
For being you.

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It was so strange,
To see without sound,
You moving around,
In this new life,
That does not include me,
Strange... Definitely.

It was so wrong,
To think without thought,
You might have bought,
Her role as truth,
Not my speaking as prove,
Wrong... Definitely.

It was so vage,
To start all over,
Like you never had a lover,
In a new place,
Where there is limited space,
Vage... Definitely.

It was so strange,
To see you go black and blue,
When I always knew,
One day you'll be losing all,
Quite a fall,
 Definitely.Strange, so strange...

Not to be part,
Of you're life,
I know by heart,
Now that you're...
Someone I used to know.

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Thursday, December 11, 2014

Always, My Forever.

That leaning back against the wall,
Hands in you're pockets,
Laughing in the mids of the conversation,
Every word spoken as a party,
A devious look in you eyes,
And oh darling is it even a surprise,
That you are the one that I want,
Every time...

The way you're freckels fall,
How you run your hands trough you're hair,
Long legs and skinny jeans,
A little mysterious so it seems,
Oh darling don't you hear my heart screams,
For you're the one that I want,

The red shining in you're beard,
Joking about things you take serious,
That though love act you put on,
And the dances we dance to every single song,
How I fit perfectly in you're arm,
Oh darling didn't you feel heat there's the fire alarm,
For you make me melt, the one that I want,

Every time, I'll promise you,
Always, My Forever.

Every time, I'll promise you,
Always, My Forever.

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Tuesday, December 9, 2014


There is only one reason,
Why I am not crying on my bathroom floor,
Why my heart is not breaking,
My mind is not acing,
Well he was kind of crazy,
Got me so frustrated,
About this love so complicated,
But oh, I was madly in love...
And now with you,
I can only give you one reason,
Why I am not shattered to pieces,
Why my heart is not breaking,
The ground underneath my feet isn't shaking,
Cause you can't see this faking,
That I'm not feeling anything at all...
Not feeling anything at all...

And I'm not feeling anything at all...

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The star upon my writings...

As I was looking for something,
To write about,
To make me think again,
In a pattern of my own,
Where all my thoughts will flow,
I wondered if you ever,
Think of me,
Like I think of you,
In case you'd ever did,
I'm doing well,
If you didn't tell,
I have a smile again,
I look a lot like I did when,
I had to write,
For you where something,
To write about.

You are the star upon my writings...

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Monday, December 8, 2014

Not rest

So tired,
Yet wide awake,
I stare,
At the screen,
Unable to dream,
You keep crossing,
My mind,
And I keep on,
Going back,
Trough time,
To think of,
What once was,
When I come back,
To here and now,
I feel so homeless,
Without you,
Not nowhere near,
To comfort me,
Tell me all will be fine,
And so it seems,
I can not catch my sleep,
I will not dream,
Nor will I rest,
Until you're mine.

You're the one, So I'll search the world for you.

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Somebody's like you...

I said to you,
Not because I do not,
Love or want you,
Because I do,
In my own way,
But because I am,
Falling in love,
With the idea of love,
I am loving,
To be loved,
I need someone to,
Need me,
Like I want you,
To want me so bad,
It's kind of sad,
That I am not falling,
For you as a person,
I am falling for,
Someone like you,
So what am I supposed to do,
When there are so many,
Somebody's like you...

I know I've misbehaved,
I know I should've saved,
Our friendship instead of my ego,
But I really am sorry,
For what it's worth...

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Friday, December 5, 2014

Enough for both of us

Can you tell,
I can not say,
What yo need to hear,
When they come near,
I'm so sorry,
Don't worry,
I was wrong,
I must admit,
We belong,
I regret,
I was not,
Strong enough,
For both of us,
But I've got enough,
Love for both,
So baby,
Won't you please stay...?

Let's go back in time and make you once again mine.

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Individual self.

Just now as I was reading the most doll thing,
Something so unrelevant,
I don't know how and why,
But I suddenly got unreaveld,
And sewed back together,
I don't even know whether,
It was wrecked and restyled,
But in the vintage kind of way,
I was so self-assured again,
That someday soon I'll be fine again,
I will recognize myself in the mirror,
I'll be able to smile and laugh like I used to,
I could do anything I want,
Because nobody's telling me I can't...
I suddenly saw,
That now that we've broken up,
I no longer have to work and try and fight,
To be one half of a relationship,
I can be my orginally and individual self,
My one and only me,
Is the only thing I am ought to be,
For the first time in 362 days,
I am finally free.

I think I am finally free.

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Decembers when you where mine.

Please take down the ribbons now,
I don't want to feel like celebrating though,
Cause everything i'd wish is miles away,
In a little dark cold town,
My momma's in the kitchen, talking to me,
Season songs, Playing well,
I was doing just fine,
If you ever wonder,
But last night I couldn't tell,

I know this shouldn't be a missing time,
But there where Decembers when you were mine,

I've been doing great without you, honestly,
Up until the days got dark,
Now everybody'g gathered, without you babe,
Seems like everyone's got someone to love,

But for me it's just a missing time,
Cause there where Decembers when you were mine,

Happy days everybody,
That must be something that you'll say this time,
I bet you got you're brother another jacket,
And was you're mommy laughing out loud?
When you where buying gift this year, 
Did you notice when less to ask advice?

I know this shouldn't be a wheeping time,
But there where Decembers when I didn't,
Wonder if you wonder about me,
Cause there where Decembers when you where mine...

Cause there where Decembers when you where mine....

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Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Not a choice

There I stood again last night,
Almost as if I where drown to it,
Right there on the corner where we met,
I was looking around,
Hoping for a glance on you're face,
But it was odd, out of place,
You're presence was no where near,
After I called out my dear,
I wish you would have come,
Oh how I hoped to see,
That maybe or eventually,
We could still be anything like,
Who we used to be,
You and I had something,
Magical, orignial, lyrical, hysterical,
And I hate how we let it there,
We should've fought,
We should've stormed,
So won't you come,
Next time I call out,
When we are supposed to be drown?
Or did you forget...

Sometimes love just happend, we didn't intend to,
but oh we did, and I fell in way too deep. 

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Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Muse or abuse

As I was screarching for something to write about,
You popped up in my mind,
I could write about you,
But then wouldn't you become some sort of,
Muse that I tend to abuse,
The doll I only pick up to play with,
When nothing else is there to entertain me,
Some sort of last resort to turn for inspiration,
It sounds so low, But when it's like this,
To you I'll go...
Somehow you are so much more,
Then I remember every time I sneak out you're door,
In someway I just never dare to stay...
As I was scearching where I should write about,
You came to my mind,
I could write about you,
But then what does that say about me now?
If you'd only known,
That you're the reason for many,
Many of my best works,
For those thoughts about life and meaning,
Instead of the girly in love dreaming,
You've gotten so much more to hold,
That in these words I get told,
But it never sticks to my mind,
As it does to the paper or screens,
And so it seems,
That you can no longer be my muse anymore,
For I don't want to be the abuser...
I am sorry, for turning you into a story.

I am so sorry but I must confess my muse, I don't love you,
Like you do love me, I am sorry for making my muse abused,
I am sorry for making you a story.
Beautiful pic by +Farida L 

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