Missed you.

I've missed you today,
It was sure I would not pass you're way,
And so I missed you today,
No soccer to watch,
No wine to drink,
No walking shoes,
And no shopping spring,
Not even a come near,
Nothing of it all my dear,
And so I've missed you today,
It was sure we did not crossed our way,
Did you miss me today?

If I got a smoke for every single time I miss you....

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we'll meet again

I walked trough the door,
Cold winter air floated in,
It smelled like a warm christmas inside,
I remember you holding my hand tight,
Not this time though,
You where on the other side of the bar,
You're green brown eyes flashed across,
Looking for mine, as you lost you're mind,
And as you walked towards me,
I knew you could see,
What I've saw coming for so long,
And in that moment,
You felt what you fought you had forgotten,
You forgotten how to love,
But you fell than and there that second,
I smiled because I saw,
And you're eyes,
Had never smiled so bright,
Right into mine,
We walked trough the door,
Warm christmas air floated out,
You where holding on tight.

I honestly believe we will, and it will be just like I imagined. 

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Last christmas

Last christmas,
I've spend thinking of you,
But not this year,
I am working on it now,
I will not drown in the punch,
Like last time,
I don't only want to be,
A shoulder to cry one,
I deserve to be someone special,
Not a give away,
So save me or give my heart back,
Last christmas,
I've spend it all on you,
But not this year,
I won't be anything like,
I've changed,
Since,
Last christmas,
This year,
Won't be anything like,
Last christmas.

I'll make sure to finish perfect without you.

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Break my heart slow.

As I looked trough the photo's,
Listened to the old songs,
Watched the vid's we made,
Recollected my memories of you,
I broke my heart on the one,
That one thing we never shared,
We never had a goodbye,
And in the bye we said,
I can surely say was no good,
If you had one been mean,
If you had only spoken you're mind,
If you had not lied to me,
My heart would have been broken,
So many days ago already,
But I was spending those nights,
Laying in bed alone,
Thinking we're still together,
I'd rather had you letting me know,
That we did not survived this last storm,
It blew us away,
But babe don't ever dare again,
To break my heart,
Slow.

Don't break my heart slow...

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trying to find my way

As I was trying,
To find my way,
To understand,
Why I could not,
Set myself to do,
The things that needed,
To be done,
I realized that the thought,
Of having much to do,
Weighted more the,
The doing itself,
So I have forbidden myself,
From now on,
To do more then three things,
For school or work at a day,
And ironically,
I do more now then ever,
I get better grades,
And I only give,
Half the effort and time...
So I would advice anyone,
Spare you're time,
On what makes you,
Truly happy and beloved,
And then you'll have,
All then energy you need,
It will come floating all by itself.

I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world... +Taylor Swift. 

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Without safety net

Was think
ing about you today,
About this date last year,
About our fighting and kissing,
The screaming and dreaming,
Oh what a night it was,
Both not sure what to say,
Wheter we should stay or walk away,
I said it is you're last chance,
But you needed time,
I said you couldn't get anymore,
That I was going crazy like this,
That it was either yes or no,
And nothing in between,
But she had gotten to you already,
Yet in the months passing,
You and I still kept growing closer,
And that one last night we shared,
We just jumped in no safety net,
For you the jump was only something,
Like a once upon a time when I was young,
Yet you just let me fall,
Dying to hold you,
So won't you dare to make me go trough,
Something so wrong to,
Again...
Don't you look in my eyes,
Don't come close,
Walk besides,
Cause I know I'll fall in love again...
And I just keep on begging the skies,
to bring you back to me,
So don't look at me now,
When I'm still waiting for you...

Don't look at me when I still hope you're waiting for me...

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Wonderland

Like a stone to the head,
I took it hard,
Fell to the ground,
In the worst kind of way,
Hit rock bottom,
No one was there,
All those who I used to call friends,
They all vanished,
No one had time,
But when I was in wonderland,
They never let go of my hand,
Only when I had,
The acces to wonderland,
Life was worse but so much better,
When my words where only a scarlet letter,
Now all depends on,
What they think of me,
What they want me to be,
How I should behave,
They reward of punish me with their attention,
But I won't play this game no more,
I'll build here on my own,
On the rock foundation,
A own wonderland,
For only me and those surrounding me on,
This hard hard ground,
A pass to go and get a free dance around,
In my beloved and hated wonderland,
Wonderland, land, land....

All the pages of us, stories we shared,
I'll burn it all,
I'l make my own wonderland,
Where you can't,
Touch me now.

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Like a piece of art

She looked stunning,
As always enchanting,
Like a piece of art,
So devine,
So pure and rare,
She was always perfectly perfect,
Her make up was spotless,
Het hair always done,
Nothing was ever wrong...
She looked truly happy,
She was blessed so well,
Had all the men under her spell,
Unfortunetly,
She herself could not see,
What I wish she would,
As she stares clearly trough me,
Always looking for me,
But darling all he ever does is break you're heart,
Wait until all falls apart,
Then you are left picking up the pieces,
He left behind,
You'll cut you're fingers on cleaning his mess,
But I guess what they say is true,
The only one who can heal you is the one,
That broke you off as well,
I watched her confidence got scattered when he left,
And her walls raised so high the lower the one,
The higher the other,
He was killing her softly in love,
He was killing her softly out of love,
Whatever it was,
It's over now...
She looked stunning,
As always enchanting,
Like a piece of art,
But not one of those colourful,
One of a mystery,
One in black and white,
One to make you think,
Cause after all that's what art does,
It make you think of it, think of cherising it.
But he never does,
So I'll wait until the day comes,
When she realises that I was always by her side...

she was the kind of girl that was always enchanting. perfect, like art.

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Paperback writer part 5?

I did It today,
Packed the pages,
Send It away.

It is kind of strange,
That someone will take,
My place in reading,
Everything my soul speaks,
My my toughts fill the page,
When my heet leaks ink,
When hand and heart are in sink.

It is somewhat off,
Like believing in above,
Honing so much,
That all I wish for,
Wont get crushed,
That I will not get rejected,
That they will be infected,
By my words like XTC,
Every part of me.

I did It today,
Packed the pages,
Send It away...

Packed the pages, send It away...

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That's when I miss you

He asked me,
"Do you miss me?
Cause I miss you,
And I was wondering,
If maybe we could get coffee,
I don't know if you want,
Or if you don't, 
Just tell me when you miss me,
If you do,
Then I'll come,
Cause I'll be waiting for you..."
And I said,
"Every time the doorbell rings, I hope it is you,
Every time my mom yells Carmen there's someone for you,
I hope you are waiting for me downstairs,
Every time I go out shopping, I hope to get a glance of you're face,
Every time my phone buzzes I hope it you, sending me a message,
Saying you'll miss me,
Every single time I breath,
That's when I miss you,
Thats when you can come,
Thats when in,
Every single moment,
Thats when I want you..."
His crooked smile pulled me in,
Kissed my forehead,
And held on tight,
We're not about to lose this thing,
So rare and pure again,
Never.

You're always there in my mind, you never left.

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By my side

Had a though night,
Wished you by my side,
No one appeared,
No sky cleared,
Only me troubled,
In this doubled,
Life we live,
Not show what to give,
Not see what to love,
Acting above,
You walk over me,
Like it's not to be,
But you come running back,
When your nights black,
So where does it leave me?
Had a thought night,
Wished you by my side,
You never showed,
I should've known,
That you bad news,
But I like the fews,
Thought no way he's coming,
Until I heard running,
Knocking on my door,
You screaming for more,
I had a troubled night,
But it was nothing with you by my side.

Just in time always on my side...

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Anything anymore

All was silent,
All was still,
Not a sound to be heard,
Not the wisthle of a bird,
Time kept ticking,
And thoughts kept thinking,
Not a footprint to leave behind,
Not an mark to be find...

All was dark,
All was night,
Not a light to be seen,
Not a lanternpost to lean,
Time keeps drifting,
Thoughts keeps stinging,
Not a heart to beat,
Not a car on the street...

All was silent,
All was still,
Not a sound to be heard,
As the world came to an end,
Nothing was as we knew it before,
Nothing was anything anymore...

My bones are not dirt,
They are a soulless house,
Where once was lived,
My bones are not dirt...

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Face the fact

After 365 days and nights,
I've spend lonely,
Waiting by the phone,
For you to call,
Sitting near the door,
For you to knock,
Waiting by you're side,
For you to put aside you're pride,
I came to the conclusion,
That trough all these things,
I've gave up for you,
All the love and time invested in you,
There had never been a day,
Nor will there come a day,
365 nights aways,
Where you would do,
The same things as I did for you,
You would never give me a chance,
Cause I was never in you're future plans,
It's time to face the fact,
My waiting for you my love pact,
And my heart will no longer be intact,
I let it all fall apart,
For someone new to puzzle me,
Back to who I used to be...

After 365 days and nights I am still waiting for you...

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Change the world

Sometimes,
Late at night,
I wonder to myself,
Just like anyone else,
I assume,
What I would be like,
When certain events,
That took place in my life,
Or did not happen,
Would have been differently...
But I think that's just the way,
Life goes,
Some things are ment to be,
What they are to be,
Others are to be changed,
And just few are to be chosen,
Perhaps personaly,
Or maybe by faith,
Sometimes,
Late at night,
I wonder to myself,
Would I have been,
Such a thinker as I am now,
If they had not made me one?
So last but not least,
Some things are in life to be made,
And I am to be, changed, made and chosen,
To be foolish enough to think,
That words can change the world,
That we can save the world,
And therefor I will.

I think I can change the world with my hands,
Not by fighting but in writing.

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Winter wonderland

Christmas time is coming,

Thinking about you and me,

Everything we could've been,

All the nights side by side,

We we're lights all by ourself,

Did not need any power to enlight,

By the look of you I ignite,

If I could hold you just one more time,

I would put you and me,

Together in a little snow globe,

And until christmas is coming,

We would be packed in a box,

Standing on the addict,

Far away from the cold cold world,

Just you and me,

In our winter wonder land,

We'll spend countless nights,

Spooning side by side,

Watching the snowflakes fall by day,

If you'd only stayed...

All there was to do, 

All I needed from you,

Was for you to,

Stay. 

Let's make a winter wonderland together,
Watch the snowflakes fall.

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London on new years eve...

On new years eve,
I'll be in London,
The lights and the fire work,
The cold air and the buzz,
Crumbling city,
Me in the middle,
I can not wait...

On new years eve,
For once it will be,
All and only about me,
I will be having a laugh,
So grand and big,
It will not fit on our party pic...

On new years eve,
So it shall be this night,
As the twelve passes,
As we raise or glasses,
I will be the biggest light,
To light up the skies...

On new year eve,
I will shine so bright,
It will still shimmer on our,
Home flight...

New years eve in london... fireworks :)

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I'm wide awake

Wide awake,
I'm wide awake,
Laying in my bed,
Thinking about this insomnia,
I realised that I finally,
Have found the answer,
To a long lost question of mine,
For years I wondered if I was,
A high sensitive child,
I took numerous of tests,
And they all where inbetweeners,
So that's pretty undecided decided...
Yet tonight I made it a yes.
There had been three excited things today,
One has happend already,
One is about to happen,
And one is plannend,
So here I lay now at 00:39,
Wide awake in my bed,
Thinking about all these thing,
I am unable to sleep,
Because reality is so much more exciting,
Then my dreams tonight ever could be,
At 00:40 and on and on,
I will remain awake,
Wide awake...

I'm wide awake, +Katy Perry quote.

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Real life John Green book

Never does my mind stop dreaming about places I've never been to,

I am always drifting off inside my head wondering what...

My one and only favourite place in this wide world would look like,

How it would smell as I gasp for air,
When I've found the place that until now remained a no where,

After years of searching when I see it there,
This place so special, breathtaking, rare,

Would I know right away? Like love at first sight,

Or will it be more of a something my mind won't let go off thing?

Like a out of sight but never ever out of mind kind?

I really have no clue all I do know it that on new years eve,

One of the city's I would love to see will be on my list,

Maybe it will be my one and only belonging,

The place where my heart skips a beat as a "finally home sight",

The one you get after a long time away when you walk in the door...

I guess I'm just a John Green book in person,

Cause "I'm love with places I've never been to and people I've never met..."

In love with places I've never been to,
Like a real life breathing John Green book...

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Thank you

I always wondered what it would be like,
To be someone who would write,
Things that others like to read,
Or even love to,
Can't stop reading,
Or re-read all the time,
Every single word on the paper,
The poems on the screen,
The pictures that I post,
It came to my attention,
That this dream I once had,
This longing to hold,
A story to be told,
Is now to be called,
Mine.
I am the paper bag writer.
And,
I'll write my own story now,
Fill the pages,
With my minds own creations,
All I wanted you to know,
What I wish you would now,
"Thank you..."
For making me believe,
That dreams come true...
I .... you.

Thank you for making me do, and teaching me,
what I thought you needed to be thought,
I my believing in you I forgot te believe in me,
And somehow you turned it all around...

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Give me some answers

Just this afternoon as I was at work,
Suddenly my mind floated off,
I found if around the corner,
Of my bedroom when I got home,
As I tried to put my finger on why?
It was there to be found,
After all those hours lost,
It catched my eye,
Something orange brownish was laying there,
It was one of my old dairies,
The one you once had read,
When you told me,
That I should not hide this pure part of me,
It was my obbligation to myself to see,
What I could be,
As a writer or a poet,
You knew for sure,
That my name would be written in the stars,
But what if only I,
Can write it up there in the sky...?
I don't know if the climb is to high,
If the rush might be worth the fall,
And if I lose balance,
Will you catch me?
Or will I fly?
I was happy to have my mind back,
But if it had only given me some answers....

I am gonna take on this adventure if you'll stay around to help me...

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The best thing on my mind

This life I live,
It has this blur,
All around it's surface,
I guess I have an...
Three hundred mile a hour life,
I get snow under,
Caught up,
Overwhelmed by,
Relationships,
Friends,
Work,
Meetings,
School,
That I forget the best thing,
On my mind,
You.

If this love only exist in my dreams,
When my mind is silent and pure,
Then I beg you don't wake me up...

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Pushed me right

You sat down,
Right there,
I still remember,
Next to me,
My heart stopt,
My breath stoked,
And just like that,
All my broken pieces,
Suddenly fell back,
Together...
I thank all,
Of the lovers,
Who where wrong,
They got me,
To the path,
That led me,
To a love so right,
Like a sainted song,
The one where to,
I belong.
I guess the wrongs,
Made me wise,
And pushed me right,
To the right one...

All the mistakes and the wrongs I made,
They send me to faith...
Wait for it to become perfect.

Pieces

A little something I had to share with you guys...

Last year I did a songwriting course on +Coursera 

And in that course +Liz Longley appeared with a increadible song,

My mind was blown so wonderful as it was,

Goose bumps. Litterally. 

The song was no where to be found,

But the lyrics they haunt,

I've found myself humming the melody,

Or singing this little piece of the verse,

At any moment of time,

I was just... jakfjoicrnqog?!

I had to find the song, 

So I did some new digging....

And....

What do you think of the song? 

Let me know I'm curious! 

Xoxo

"Pieces, little reminders that take me back,

Whenever I find them...

Letting go would be so much easier,

If I could let you go all at once, 

Instead of in pieces,

I guess that's just the way love lets go,

Pieces..."

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Drives me crazy

I read one of them over and over again today,
Flashed back to the summer shining time,
Back to when you're arms where tangled in mine...

Couldn't let it go,
I did not understand why my heart,
Is taking this so hard?

I just ran into you,
It's not like a leap of faith,
Not like we had a date...

It's just that it seems to me lately,
Like there are no good reasons why,
We just decided it was not worth the try...?

How come you did not chase me down,
Why didn't I fought for us,
When we we're perfectly perfect together...

Or not?
Tell me baby, doesn't it drives you crazy?
Like it does me...

People fall in love in mysterious ways,
And out of love the same...

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I asked him,
"What are you looking for,
All those nights,
When you wander along,
The empty avenues?
Dark cold pavements,
Grey concrete..."
He sighted, shook his head and begon...
"I don't know what I am looking for,
But I will find it someday,
I don't know where it will be,
Or whomever I might see,
But I will find it,
I hope I find it..."
I could hear the shiver in his voice,
He has no choice,
He had no home,
All he is, is alone...
So I took his hand,
Made my stand and said...
"I don't know where we're going,
But I'd love to spend the rest of our lives,
Right there where you find it..."

Follow you're dreams,
Who knows where they lead you...

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There's the excuse, wanne refuse?

When we where together,
We never ever had a fight,
We had differences,
But we respected it all,
WE could laugh and tease about it,
It didn't even mattered at all,
Nothing,
Not the others, or opinions,
Not the world, not anything,
All that did was you and I.

When we parted,
There was no yelling,
No accusing, no bad blood,
Just statements like,
"I wish you the best,"
"Hope to see you around sometimes,"
"Maybe the future will bring us,
To the same places and plans again..."
All that was spoken in the last minute,
Nothing mattered,
But staying something...
No matter how little,
Just history,
As long as we still had,
Something tying us.

When you got with her,
And I tried to move on,
That's when we our fight,
You didn't liked my last words,
And I resented you for all,
We didn't even tried to,
Read the others mind...

When I was just thinking it all over,
Thinking about why you could be mad,
This time again,
I flashed back to when,
This little nothing started,
Back to when we parted,
And I finally understood,
We fight because we should,
Because it's the only thing that can,
Keep us together,
Tied in some what strange way,
Because we where raised to make up,
And talk things out,
So it gives us an excuse,
To refuse,
The facts...
There is no you and I.

I wish you would stop sending me messages, I want the message,
In the no message at all..

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Don't make this stop,
Won't you dare,
To walk away now,
When you've got me,
Feeling so alive,
Stuck in this rush,
Every time you touch me,
Not an inch of me is un-shivered,
I have this fear,
That I will die,
When you walk away,
You'll rip my heart out,
I need this rush,
This rush of blood,
This high you give me,
Don't ever stop,
Won't you dare,
Just for God shakes,
Pretend you care,
When I am feeling,
So alive and well,
When I am completely,
Under you're spell,
I am addicted to the rush,
The red of my blush,
Whenever you're fingertip,
Touches my skin,
I don't mind the sin,
I'm addicted to you...

people fall in love in mysterious ways, so did we...

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Goodbye Love.

Goodbye love,
I said to myself,
As I took a sight,
Gave you one last look,
Broken heart bruised mind,
Feel myself shatter to pieces,
While you wave,
Nodding a crooked smile...
Goodbye love,
I'll be going home,
And you'll be with her,
I'll be alone in bed,
No one to ease my mind,
On my pillow now,
Lays her head...
Goodbye love,
Give this one last thought,
Let my emotions drip out,
Crying about a,
Goodbye, Love.

My memory loves you; it asks about
you all the time...
But you're no longer mine...

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No defeating the Rebel Warrior.

She told me,

"I'll tell you a story,
To get it off my heart,
To let you start,
To put it in write,
Make the words bright,
Despite of the dark blue,
That is hanging over you,
When it appears,
When the voices call,
When you would give away,
You're all,
Make it a good end...

Cause in this,
I've found my best friend,
To become my boyfriend,
My smiles are given now,
Only to those who deserve,
Who one's served,
Me a smile as well,
Even when they could tell,
That maybe I was not myself,
All I do know,
Is that I was not broken,
Just bend or bruised,
I've been near any border, 
Any line you can imagine,
But I've never given in,
I never gave up...

I saved all of my happy thoughts,
So one day when the world,
Was to overwhelming,
When the voices in my head where screaming,
When I couldn't lay my head,
For a little dreaming, 
When it all seemed lost,
I could go back to these thoughts,
Realised I'm not giving up,
The marks are on my skin,
They'll remind me every day it was my win,
I am my true beautiful self,
I dusted me off from the shelf,
Took controle of my own life,
Layed down the knife,

Now I've gotten everything,
A teen wants,
I've got a shining sun in my life,
It's called Skyler...
And I've got me, 
That's all I wish for you see,
Only one thing I would love to do,
Help others who are going trough,
The same things as I have..."

So she said to me...

And I was stunned...

A girl this strong,
Is one like a +Demi Lovato song,
A girl this wise,
Isn't she the biggest lottery prize?

Her name is +MJ Coon so I've heard,
And so she is, Mary stands for rebellion,
She will rebel for all,
To never give in, or up...
No matter what is wrong,
She will stand next to you,
Teaching you how to be strong.
Until you yourself are as well,

A warrior. 

Never give up. 

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One step at a time...

In life it is often hard to start,
With  practically anything,
I felt the same,
Like the world spon to hard,
Until I realized,
That a mile is walked,
One step at a time,
A book is written,
One line at a time,
A relationship is build,
One laugh at a time,
An education is passed,
One class at a time,
It's not the start,
You're afraid of,
Starting is easy,
One little step in the way,
It's that maybe somewhere,
Along that lane,
It doesn't work out,
It's not what you wanted,
Or you're not good enough,
That's what scares you...
But take a look behind,
Turn you're back,
If you have gotten that far,
You can get anywhere you want...
One step at a time...
Trust me.

The 3 c's in life: Choice, Chance, Change. 

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Rainbow friendship

If all friends where colours,
Mine would be a rainbow...

The red one is the ever intense,
Always feeling, never fading,
Life it up when you're young,
In the spotlight kind of friend.

The orange one is the bright smiling,
For ever dancing, party making,
Talks until 2a.m. in you're car,
Laughter creating kind of friend.

The yellow one is the always happy,
Giraffe t-shirt, never lose hope,
I will keep listening while rambling,
Always stay in love kind of friend.

The green one is the ever wise,
I have to talk to you kind of girl,
She knows me better then I know myself...
... Sometimes. Advice kind of friend.

The bleu one is changing like the sea,
But never changes her beauty,
The calm and storm its the all-in,
Go with the waves kind of friend.

The purple is the in between one,
It can go to almost blue and black,
But also back to red, it's a flower that grows anywhere,
She's the cameleon kind of friend.

The Indigo is the quiet but speaking,
Observing and enjoying in the littlest,
One with a picture to put in a frame,
She's the friendly and funny kind of friend. 

If my friends where like a rainbow,
I would be the sun and the rain,
All at once combined,
I can be as emotional as a hurricane,
Or as clean as a drizzle,
I can ba as warm and save as the sun,
Or burning to fire as the beems it sends...

If we where,
Like a rainbow.

you can't have a rainbow without a little rain...

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We think we deserve.

"We accept the love we think we deserve..."
That was what the quote said...
But I felt only pain,
It means that I think I deserve so less,
I always find myself in the arms of a cheater,
In the heart of a liar,
In the eyes of a deceiver,
Yet I have always stayed a believer,
i am the kind of girl that gives love,
Like it is the spare change in you're pocket,
And I always fall back into the arms of,
Those who want back anything they might have handed you,
Who will beg for a second chance,
Only to come around for a third...
Why do I accept it?
When I know I deserve so much more,
When I know my heart's worth so much more...
Why?
Maybe that's why it said "we think we deserve"
Because everyone knows that what you think,
Is not always true.

we accept the love we think we deserve, weheartit.

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Acceptance

He said to me,
"Don't ever feel like there is something you miss?
It's this thing I can't put my finger on,
I don't know what it is,
And still I feel this incredible miss,
No one else around me seems to mind,
That there is more to live than what they've found,
But I do, I know there must be more,
There is something I am missing,
The piece that makes it complete,
Do you ever wonder like me?
Do you ever feel te same?"
It made me think right away of the times when,
I really did wonder it,
But it was not up to me to tell him,
These are the kind of things in live,
You must find out for yourself.
So anyways I looked him in the eye and began...
"My dear what would there be to miss,
I've gotten myself and that all I need,
I am blessed with the love from my family and friends,
I have been given you the best thing that was ever to be called mine,
And I am still so young to have every single possibility in live,
That I could ever think of...
I miss noting but the fearlessness I had once,
I have so much to lose now..."
"What do you mean now" he asked,
"Well... First there was nothing,
I did not knew who I was, so there was nothing to lose,
But as I traveled, and wandered and learned,
I begon to know myself and I got quiet fond of me,
Then just as if God had planned it all came to an end,
I wend back home and it was like all was the same as I left it,
When I ran off in all my fear for that place,
I came back with only love for it,
Maybe that's whats missing for you...
Acceptance for what is, what is not, and what one day might be..."
With that last sentence he started to look at the ground,
That word "acceptance" was the bruise that troubled his mind,
Yet also the only thing that could ease it again...

Life goes on, whether you choose to move one,
Take a chance in the unknown, or stay behind. 

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In, out, in, out, in, out..

You write me letters,
With invisible ink,
You speak to me,
Without any sound,
And you'll give in,
Whenever you walk out,
You greet,
As you turn around,
No one ever heard,
Dares to think we're bound,
It's just so,
In, out, in, out, in out,
In and out...
You make me smile,
In the littlest frowns,
You send me messages,
Inscripted to receive,
You give me love,
When you hurt me,
And you...
Are in, out, in, out, in, out,
In, out, in out,
Now I'll be taking controle,
Of a life that once was mine,
I'll tell you it's fine,
Whether it's in or out,
But no more wondering,
Inside my doorway,
There is nothing there,
It's either me or her,
It's either yes or no,
In or out...
No more in, out, in, out, in, out,
Just in or out...

The time is now, so are you in or out?

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I want a fearful love.

It was silent, still,
Nothing happens here,
It was calm and easy,
It was perfectly fine,
A nice date...
But there was this one thing,
I missed the trill,
The awkward,
The funny,
The screams,
The laughter,
The looks and
The pains...
I missed someone,
Like you,
I missed the waking up around 2am,
By one of you're drunk calls,
I miss hating how much I love you,
I want to fight and break up,
Just so we can make up,
And he is just absolutely nice,
Fine, polite and all,
But he's not you...
He was silent, still,
As I happend here,
He took it calm and easy,
So I fearfully tried to pretend I was fearless,
As I took of to go back to you,
I felt perfectly imperfect,
And all was fine once again.

Fearful is fearlessness at construction.

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I wanted to write...

I wanted to write,
Something that would blow you're mind,
But my hands are so cold,
I can not typ now.

I wanted to write,
A poem that let you know me,
But my head is black,
So I can not do so.

I wanted to write,
Anything despite,
All of the mentioned before,
But it still made my mind soar.

I wanted to write,
Practically really anything at all,
And it left me with,
This.

we think too much and feel to little, what a world we live in.

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Depression

"What was depression like?"
He asked me,
So I told him...
"When I had depression,
The world seemed so far away,
From this place where I was in,
They all think,
That you just need to get out,
Have some good times,
Forget about it all,
But it is not to be forgotten,
It is always there,
Hidden somewhere inside,
You're mind, you're heart,
It always there with a headstart,
It whispers me that,
"I'm not good enough"
"I don't fit in"
"I'll never be good enough"
It was like my life was no longer,
Worth living for,
Every single day I'd die,
And I've had a million funerals,
Every day funerals,
I'd died a thousand times,
And I was still drowning,
Right there on solid ground,
Where no one seems to notice,
How dark this is getting,
All I want is to come home...
The days drift away,
A vage numb feeling take over,
All you do is cover,
Cover how you're dying wish,
Is to die...
After this million day funeral..."

depression is a million day funeral.

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My dad and I,
We look alike,
Sometimes we get,
Something in our mind,
And it won't get out...

My dad and I,
We're nothing the same,
Both stating,
With the same stubborness,
That's just love...

My dad and I,
We love music,
And art,
Different and yet,
So much alike,
Guess thats blood...

My dad and I,
The love between us,
Will never die....

My dad and I on his birthday.

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Flash forward

I had a flash forward,
To all these things,
We maybe are some day...

You and I,
Fighting in the rain,
Making up under the shower,
You and I,
Dining at noon,
Gazing at the moon,
You and I,
Walking along crowded streets,
Party's everywhere,
You and I,
Screaming at you're sideline,
Asking if I look fine,
You and I,
Holding hands,
Making future plans...

If it was up to me,
And my imagination,
You and I would be,
The best romantic creation,
You'll ever live to see...
If there was only you and me...

Fighting in the rain. making up in the shower, if it was up to me,
there would only be...

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Raise you're life...

Raise you're voice was on tv,
I had already watched it a thousand times,
But I love it anyway,
It makes me believe,
That anything is possible every single time,
It makes me think that if you persue,
Any dream of yours,
No matter how little or how big,
No matter when or where the dream appears,
Any one of them can come true,
It makes me feel so sure,
That if you are determined,
Really nothing is out of reach,
As long as you keep stretching,
Someday you'll be able,
To get you're dream to hold...
You can do anything,
Anything, anything, anything...
You'll have to raise you're life.

you only live once, go and get you're dream...

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Google knew us better then we did.

I searched for my own name on google,
Wondering what I would find,
As I watched pictures passing by,
Websites names and articles,
I found a picture of you there,
In the mids of it all,
I could have imagined my father,
Or my friends or the pictures of my blog,
I would have predicted it all,
But then you showed up,
And my heart stopped beating,
My mind got insane,
Like google know us better then we do,
Like the internet could already predict,
That we belong,
Together,
All these strings that connect us,
They are not to cut,
They hold on to the memories,
Hold on to us,
I need you like I need google,
Cause pictures and memories,
Won't love me the way you do...

Google knows us better then we know ourselfs.

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As you're birthday passes

Tomorrow's you're birthday,
I wish I could say,
That I'll see you then,
But that was only when,
We still could have been,
Anything no one has seen.

Tonight at midnight,
You'll turn 23,
I wonder what it will be,
Will you think of me?
As you blow out the candle light,
And make a wish,
Will you reminisce?

I've been thinking about you,
The whole day trough,
Maybe you'll be there in an hour,
Would I be albe to find the power,
To congratulate you,
Even when you didn't do,
When it was mine back in July.

When the clock ticks twelve,
The noise of the bells sounds trough,
You'll be wearing the best clothes from the shelf,
I wonder if you wear,
What I used to like, if you care?

As the gong goes on,
Will you look at me,
For my eyes to see,
The birthday boy,
Looking at me like his favourit toy?
I wish you would,
How I wish you would.

Happy birthday my dear.

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If only....

You don't get it, But if you did.
You'd understand why I feel like I don't belong.
If only you could see trough my eyes,
Lock you in my heart,
Feel the thoughts my mind speaks to me,
If only...
You knew why I'd keep running away,
From everyone that talks about yesterday,
Why I can not live for anyone else,
Why I feel like I keep on feeling every time,
If you could only live under my skin,
Wouldn't you just once give in?
Read the marks and scars my treasure chest map,
If only,
You'd tell me what I'd been longing to hear,
That I'm not a dead see,
That the water inside me,
Could still be brought to live,
Tell me you understand, even if you can't,
Cause I need you to not tell me,
That you'll be here forever,
Cause everyone who did, went away,
So I want you to never say you'll stay,
Then maybe you will,
And this time it might work,
No broken heart, no shattered love...
If only.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.

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Just in case

All alone in a cold home,
I wonder and myself,
In the minutes passing,
Will I see you tonight,
My mind seems to lose grip,
For you and I we all know,
That we could never go,
Down that same road again,
But somehow every time,
When my eyes meet yours,
These mistakes we made,
Seem to be life's behind,
I don't even mind anymore,
I miss you to much,
To make a point,
We do this every single time,
Round and round we go,
A never ending rollercoaster,
The high is worth the fall,
And the scare is worth all,
What I would not give,
For just one more ride,
The only fear I have,
Is that when my wish comes true,
One ride isn't enough for me,
Nor for you,
All alone in a cold home,
You wonder to yourself,
Both silently speaking,
If we'd only known.

just in case you come back, I'll save my feelings, save it all.

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November...

It's november again,
Our time of the year,
The time of reminisce,
When you and I,
Travel back down,
To our little town,
The the streets we rule,
When we we're...
The king and queen,
We had been,
Unlike anything seen,
They talked oh how they talked,
About these things,
They disapproved,
But oh darling we proved,
Them all wrong,
Every single one,
We we're sublime,
Untouchable,
Magnificent,
In all they thought we can't,
We have shown them all,
That we were wonderful,
This love,
Was like november,
Perfect storm as well,
As save and warm,
We where like november...

november, be good, be kind, november.

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