Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Back to july

I keep om asking myself why...?
Every time I go back to july,
Asking if I did something wrong,
If I maybe missed something along,
Along the way,
Or some writing on the wall,
For me all I could see was the fall,
I was just about to fall,
Even more in love,
Than I was before...
But without reason why,
You forgot july,
And now in winter when nothing ever happens,
Could I've messed up so bad?
In all my being drunk and sad...?
For you to realing a path for me...
Tell what I wouldn't see...
Tell me this is the last time you telling me why,
This is the last tear falling from you're eye,
Why, why why,
You never can forget july,
Why nothing ever will change,
Could I be so wrong,
When I thought it was wrong along?
Could it be so hard...?
To let a broken heart...
...beat again?
To fix us back to when,
We were in july...

Let's go back to July.

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Gets the clue

Wondering why,
There is a good in goodbye,
For there aren't much good goodbye's,
Our goodbye was more like a badbye,
It killed us inside and we both had to act like there was nothing going on,
I felt like dying and you felt like crying,
But both of us where hiding,
No one can tell,
That there we remember us all to well,
That were still under this spell,
Or at least I thought no one,
For you said he noticed and confronted you, 
And there are people confronting me too,
So what are we supposed to do?
When the whole world gets the clue,
Accept for me and you?!

No, everyone gets the clue accept me and you.

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Love strong

Tell me,
How the hell,
Do you fix a broken heart?
How the hell,
To you heal something scarred?
How the hell,
To you hold it together when it parted?
For ive cut my hands,
On the broken pieces of my heart,
There more Sharp then I thought,
So won't someone come around,
Save me with some gleu...
Or tell me,
Share the wisdom of,
How the hell,
You fix a broken heart?
How the hell, 
Do you heal something scarred?
How the hell,
Do you hold it together when it parted?
Does anyone know how to hold my heart?
Does anyone tries to hold my heart?
Or am I just impossible,
To subborn,
On my heart fragile,
To stubborn to be,

Please fix my heart, hold me close, and make it whole again.
+Arrow (Fans) picture, thought is was cute!

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Queens or kings day

Orange day,
What does it say?
Should it be for honoring..?
Yet we just all start drinking,
An dont get me wrong I love the partying,
And of course the eating and the dancing,
But it seems so wrong,
When we should from a unity,
To mock people who try to go first in line,
Or throw the dirt out on streets because of the crowdedness?!
Orange day,
It should be about roots,
And family and celebrateing,
A Holland and a population,
That took years creating,
About our history,
Even the pages so black,
Yet still so proud,
Singing with the liberty loud...
If it was to me,
You would see...
Orange day,

In youre head

You told me,
Late that evening,
Maybe around 1.30 pm,
Then and there,
That you still talk about me,
And that you've spoken about it,
With you're parents, and with friends, and so on,
You told me,
Because after all,
I was still inside you're head,
You still thought over me,
From time to time,
Has it ever occurred to you,
That the reason why I'm still there,
Is maybe because thats were I should be,
Where I belong?
For you're in my head so you belong with me,
So maybe just maybe,
I could belong to you,
In the way that you belong to me,
And together we could create a little kind of happily free...
In our heads...

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Unfolded box

I was always like a box,
I used to be flat and really nothing at all,
But throughout my life,
Ive got shaped,
And I started to fold and fold,
Bases upon things I've experienced I started to learn, 
I started to grow,
And just like every other one,
My learning wasn't without mistakes,
Once I've took too much on and I got these tear marks,
And I've been used and beaten up,
But not for standing on the side,
It was for living,
And the Marks' that it left were all too often scars,
So I decided to tape up my box so nothing could get in anymore,
What was important was in,
That way how could anything hurt me right?
But the most important thing I've learned was that if nothing can hurt you, 
Neither can anything touch you...
And you were one to touch me gentle, 
So you were patiently waiting as you kindly asked me to maybe take of some tape,
And I started one by one,
To tear my guard down,
And once the tape was gotten rid of,
And you had proven to be invested in me,
For the first time ever,
I unfolded in life,
All too let you in...
And you said to me,
"I love you even more once you're opened up, 
For I love you even every flaw, I love you with my all"
So I say to the world now,
Think out of the box, get invested,
And you'll be surprised by the unfolding of events in you're luck...

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Rain song

Rain keep ticking on the roof,
I can hear it hidden from under the covers,
I lay there warm and save,
As if nothing could ever get better,
The sound makes me feel secure and down to earth,
Its seems that im wasting time listening to these sounds,
But I really like it, its so nice,
And once a wise man said,
"Time you've enjoyed wasted isn't wasted time...",
So im not wasting anything,
For maybe my thoughts on this Mindless drifting,
Well this is my rain song,
It stays cold outside,
But my window stays open,
Just in case the smell of the street washed clean,
Isn't the only thing coming up,
Maybe you'll come in,
With the wind,
With the sound,
With the rain,
This is out rain song...
Washing away the pain of yesterday,
Cleaning our slates,
This is the rain song...

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Gossip girl

Gossip girl,
She's a gossip girl,
She knows all,
And she is not afraid to tell,
She isn't like those wall flowers,
Observing but quiet,
She spills it all out,
At the most unfortunate times,
She makes you feel small,
With her words like knifes,
And her cheats and lies,
As easy as her fake walk by smiles...
She is the gossip girl,
But I never bothered my head on it,
For I've known all this time,
One day,
Could be tomorrow,
Or the day after that,
There wil come another girl,
One with a sharper tongue,
She Will get The others along,
And our little pathetic Miss gossip girl,
Will be left alone,
To learn bitter sweet...

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It was a weird time to go look for inspiration,
In this rainy April afternoon,
I knew what I was looking for wouldn't come soon,
So I made it up,
With my head as my own creation,
It seemed perfect,
Yet so defect,
To make inspiration up,
Like stealing a paint cup...
So I went back to all the memories of me writing about you,
And suddenly I realized why I was bleu,
Its because Im over you,
There was nothing more to write,
For it faded you're light,
And I don't want to be inspired by someone,
Who makes me feel like Im just anyone,
And that is exactly what you do,
In my mind you were much better,
You kept me,
And I wrote you a love letter,
And you know what I bet,
That to at least one friend you've said,
That you think I write about you,
That you're my muse,
But you overestimated yourself we never really had a fuse, 
You're own words darling,
You're just so vain isn't it alarming?! 
Oh darling, darling...
It was an odd time for finding what I wanted,
But I found it anyway,
It was already handed...

inspiration comes from you're words 

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Monday, April 28, 2014


Schools out,
Last day,
Making my way,
Back home...
Summer time,
Here again,
Sunny skin,
Living in...
A dream world!
I wait,
All year,
For summer...
Like people,
Wait a lifetime,
To find,
What we found,
Schools out,
Waits all day,
To get home,
Find you,
All alone...
And if,
People where,
Certain objects,
You would be,
A race car,
Or football,
A thing,
That moves...
And I would,
Be autumn leaves,
Or photo camera,
The one,
That puts down,
Change and transformation...
And together, 
Were combined,
Were refined,
As the best,
People spend,
All this time,
To find,
What I,
Stumbled on,
To become mine...
If you,
Stop looking,
You will find,
What was hidden,
Behind you're,
Black and white,
Love is,
In all,
So the more,
You look,
The less,
You see,
Let it come,

do everything effortlessly. 

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Lie to me

Come here,
Lay next to me,
And tell me lies,
For the words you lie,
Are what I want to hear,
I know there not true,
But still when they come from you...
Lie to me,
Lie to me & tell me things like,
How you cant take you're eyes of of me,
How much you love me,
And promise that you'll never leave...
When in the morning you disappear,
I won't say anything about you not telling the truth,
I won't make you burden you're mouth for what you said,
Cause I like you like that,
I like you more when you lie,
Cause it at least give me a try...
Lie to me,
Make me happy & lie to me...

the only men I trust...

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All this time I was waiting for you make me yours and make you mine,
But I guess so was she...
All this time I wanted you to tell me you were really ready this time,
But I guess so was she...
All this time I was wishing for you to tell me I would be the one you'd always choose,
But so was she,
And the choice wasn't me...
So stop saying you're sorry,
And stop saying you don't know,
Doing nothing was you're choice,
And it drifted from me to her...
And all I heard was nothing...

the last time before I turned into a nothing...

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Hostage heart

You're a liar, a cheater & a thief,
I gave you my all,
Yet you want more,
You stole my soul,
Let me there to die on the floor,
You've got my heart hostage,
My whole heart in you're hands,
And my mind is praying,
Hoping even though I know better,
Praying for you not to crush me,
While I'm crushed on you...
I gave you my all,
And it wasn't enough,
I gave you my all,
Like a swan in love,
Like a soldier on the line,
But you wanted more,
Shattered pieces of my heart,
Lying on the floor,
Maybe if I was just a little bit,
Stronger, louder, prouder,
You would fall just a hard as me,
And the pieces of you heart,
Would fall right into the gaps of mine...
And together we would be perfectly fine!

you've got my heart hostage...

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You just as you...

The rain blows into you're face,
Wondering if you could ever feel in place,
The wind blows the leaves around,
Wondering if you will ever ground,
But when the sun starts to shine,
You know that you're still in time...
Cause when the days turn to night,
And the sparks start to ignite,
Now that the sun makes place for the moon,
I'll tell you someday soon,
You will once again see,
The person you were destined to be,
For it isn't out of side of out mind,
There is nothing to hide behind,
Life is about creating a "you",
And there is only one that can do,
You just as you...

you're future will thank you for it

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Friday, April 25, 2014

How to save a life...

You tell me that we need to talk,
Let hang out sometime, just a talk,
And as we stand there,
I could talk again with you for countless hours,
I could hold you in my arms,
Make you feel save,
And I could have stayed up with you,
All night, talking,
If I had known how to save a life...

Where did we go wrong?
I've not only lost a lover,
But also my best friend,
I wish I'd known,
How to save a life...

How to save a life...
Lost a friend...
Stay up all night...
Had I known...
How to save a life...

If i'd known how to save a life, I would...

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Didnt even occur

It didn't even occur to me until now,
You said pilot four times,
How could it slip my mind,
That that was always you're secret wish,
Oh when you spoke I should've know,
That we were reading outside the lines,
The words where hard to find,
When all I could think about is that ignorance is bliss...

It where a few hours,
That I was thinking it all over,
How could I not have understand,
To believe still might have want my hand,
You have these powers,
It makes me want to cover,
It makes me think we can't,
But this might be exactly what you planned...

What you plannend...

will you, with me, for we will never be...

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Never be the same

All at once,
Out of no where,
Suddenly he was there,
I never saw him coming,
And now,
I can never be the same,
For how could I go back,
To that shy wall flower kinda girl,
When you showed me a whole new world,
A world beloved and full of laughs,
You live in a way that I desire to have,
He said to me,
Look at you,
Worrying about things out of my hands,
He said spending you're life,
All about what others want you to be,
It doesn't suit you,
And neither does it me,
Don't try to copy or act,
When as a matter in fact,
You're original and pure,
That attracts more then what does the eye,
Its more, way more about allure..
All at once,
Out of no where,
Suddenly he was there,
I never saw him coming,
And now,
I can never the same,
He did not only change me,
But the entire game...

I'm in repair, I'm not together but I'm getting there... John Mayer lyrics.

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Thursday, April 24, 2014

how long...

For how long will I love you?
I thought of that when I fell in love with you,
Thinking that would be our one and only chance,
But my love,
It was our fist chance,
And there will be so many many more chances,
For true love always finds it's way,
Or at least I think so,
We just move around in circles,
Always finding each other in revolving,
Anywhere in the world,
I would find you're face in a crowd,
I would recognize that beautiful and lost soul,
That bright white halo of yours,
And I know that you do too,
I know, I know, I know,
For I love you so,
And a love so strong,
A love that lasts so long,
How could that be wrong?
If it's true and ment to be,
I'm sure it won't be long,
Before you find me,
Wrapped inside you're arms again,
Before we find ourselves home...

As long as you and I get it, I don't matter, I don't mind.

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I'm you're statisfaction

You said you read them,
All of them,
Or at least mostly,
But what does that mean,
You where just browsing on my page,
When you stumbled on the link,
You wanted to check it out,
Not as in that it would be nice for me,
But only to see,
If I had written anything about you,
You said you always hoped,
That you were a inspiration to me,
And the only things you have to say,
Is that you're flattered and that my words,
Have much much power,
Where does that leave me now?
Why do you care,
Why do you bother to look,
When you get all the love you need,
From her,
Or don't you?
You can't start a new chapter,
When you keep re-reading the last one,
When you keep going back to the pages,
That were supposed to be burned,
That should get turned black,
That should be dust to dust,
And no more hiding them in dawn,
When you're parents turn to the lawn,
You shouldn't even take the marker there,
No no no,
You lie to her,
When you say it's over,
For it's more over for me then you,
And I might know that it is fine,
And maybe at some other point in time,
You can still be mine,
Yet you keep on asking my opinion,
You need my clearance in every thing,
That could give you satisfaction,
So have you ever considered the option,
That you need me to give you stratification,
Because I'm you're satisfaction,
Just me...
On a night like this one...
Just me...

I'm still you're statisfaction, admit it...

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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

No matter what name

I told my friends about our little conversation,
About all the things spoken that monday night,
They said to me how can get so crazy about it?
It wasnt like you guys had a relationship or anything,
And I got shatterd by stunningness,
For he would be the only one to understand, 
It doesnt matter what we were or werent,
It doesnt matter what kind of name you give it,
Call it a flirtasionship, a friendship, relationship, anything,
In the end when we parted,
It broke our hearts...

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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

My fault

I wanted to day so many things to you,
But non came out,
I wanted to make a statement, 
Do something loud without a scream,
But it didnt happen...
I was blanck,
Like a white page,
With a swelling rage...
I went back to the times I dreamed of you asking me,
Isn't there something you would like to say,
But even more that blocked my words way...
I was begging my mouth to spontanously blur out a words, 
Or a sound at all,
But my mouth didnt respond to my emergency call...
Just black,
Like a white page...
With a swelling rage,
Just waiting for the bomb to burst...
For all I want to ask you is,
Were was my fault,
You say its all you,
But you dont look at me anymore like you used to...
So tell me know,
Where was my fault,
In offering my soul and heart...?

Save me from myself

Self-hatred grows inside me,
Almost as fast a tumor,
It's like cancer on you're soul,
I'm no longer the director,
Of the thoughts in my own head,
The only thing I think of is dead...

Shame burns me down,
I never was the beauty,
Never was the one wearing the crown,
But now that there is nothing else,
That could be my life's duty,
There these sort of alarm bells,
They never stop ringing...

Numbness gives me stress in peril,
I need someone to notice,
Me at least for some time until,
I've figured out,
What I need and,
What this life is all about,
And why it seems that I can't,
I never quite can fit in,
Not even if I wanted to...

This indolent feeling in me,
It makes me scared,
That maybe it will always,
Stay like this,
What if I can never be repaired?
What if this broken scarred heart stays?
And what if it stays me that I miss...

Somewhere down this road I got broke,
Somewhere on these words I choke,
But whenever I think of giving in,
Of leaving because of them,
I realize I promised my little eight year old self,
Never to let them win...
That would be the biggest self-harm sin...
I never thought then,
What I know now,
There is always more,
You're story will get better then before.

I will fight until I am the author of my own story again.

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Just moving

I love to walk,
Almost everyday,
I go for an hour or so,
Just moving,
Without destination,
Just moving,
In the way I feel,
Just moving...
Something I do,
When my mind is cornerd,
When I'm being botherd,
By this voice within,
Thats silent as a slaughter,
Just moving,
Going ahead,
Just moving,
Eventhough I'm trapped...
Just moving,
For I learned,
You have the most chance,
To see eachother,
When you both keep moving,
So Maybe if I keep,
Just moving,
I would meet you,
Out in the street,
And this corner in my mind,
Could become refined,
It could get devided,
Become a spiral instead of a cirkel,
For spirals move upwards,
And I like it like that,
Just moving...

If I were drunk

There was this picture saying,
If I were drunk in a room with everyone I loved,
So that would state I guess the two of you,
I wonder in who's arms I fall when the evening ends,
But I already know,
Or so I think at least...
I think it would be you and not him,
For you were the one with the jump,
And the one with the swing,
You were fun... When he was polite,
But could a love as a fire be the one to light again, 
Or is it the patient, caring and never tired love that remains,
The two of you are different,
Yet in one thing there is no differ,
You both broke my heart,
Just as much as I broke yours,
But still in my wondering why,
In my Mindless dreaming,
In thus honest drunk streaming,
In the late night outside screaming,
He wouldn't be worth a try,
No even when he's closer by,
Cause for me There's only you and I...

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Drive all night

The candels are almost blows out,
No more light left to shine,
Me sitting there,
Still alive but no more living,
How could you take all thats been giving?

The wine bottle is almost empty,
The glasses should be put down,
You just sitting there, 
Still laughing but there are no jokes,
How could be suddenly start honestly? 

The snacks are still untouched,
The tv is still turned on,
But were not there,
Were gone,

We took the keys,
We found a reason to run,
Now time stand still,
An were no where to be found,
But that were I want to head...
Right now,

So if you drive all night,
I will stay shot gun side,
We could sing along,
And drink coffee in an all night diner,
We could be just finer,
If we would drive all night...

But no tiremarks and no white lines,
For weve had to many wines...
But oh if we could drive all night,
To find the piece of mind,
The drive a million miles,
And just get lost,
Drive all night...

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Said said said

You said maybe later,
Just as the light,
Went out in the refigerator...

You said that night, 
Remember me when 23,
Will we ever be?

I said right now,
Or never at all, 
Even in his fear...

I said be honest,
But he is best,
When he tells lies...

And now she'll say,
Its her or me,
And I hope I see,
Youre scearching my be...

If only we re-inacted less movies, our own might had ended up,
with a better ending...

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Clear sky

I guess I should be relieved,
That the air is cleared,
But in the cleaning slates,
We got something heavier on our plates,
It seems that you're confessing creates,
Some kind of change,

I used to think,
With you in sink,
People change,
These things happen,
And maybe for...
A reason?

But as I look back,
With every sneak attack,
It occurs that it can't,
How could the reason,
Not involve me,
When it was supposed to be,
You and me...

How could I get washed out,
And turned off,
When you spoke about words,
To only dream about...
Like love?!
A word so dangerous,
The thought of it scared me,

How could it be,
How could it be,
That even if it was a movie,
The curtain was closing in,
On the 'we',
That might have existed,
If our logic wasn't so twisted...

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I dont ever want to be second choice again...

Yes you know.

Last night I felt my own heart beating,
Like drumsticks falling down repeating,
Repeating what you said,
Oh it revolves in my head,
I just get completely blanck,
I've practices and thought of these words,
Maybe only a thousand times,
Yet they still dont feel like mine,
How can you acspect me to tell you what I think,
Knowing it has this possibilty to shatter,
Whats left of a friend that I cherish,
It could ruin whats left of the remains,
From once spoken names,
What if it all falls down and,
What if you would hate me for saying out loud,
And what if you wouldn't understand,
And what if it made it even worse,
Cause I don't want to curse,
The one thing worth chasing my luck,
Cross my heart and hope to die,
Count my blessings and try...
But what if, 
You don't think the same,
And I just wish I told you never mind...
For I could tell you now,
That the last six months you've crossed a thousand times inside these corners of my head...
Well I seem to get stuck,
In things that I never said...
But maybe its for the best,
And now at last,
At least I'll have,
My never mind...
For I could tell you all,
But never mind...
The sky could of been our limit,
but I just told you never mind...

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Sunday, April 20, 2014

If I die young...

If I die young,
On my funeral,
Play our song,
Tell the moments,
We went wrong,
Make them laugh,
Make them cry...
But never ever,
Dare to say,
Not yet,
Net yet,

If I die young,
Lay me down,
With flowery hair,
In that dress,
With bare feet,
Make sure I...
Sure I turn,
Ashess to ashess,
Dust to dust...
If U die young,
Would you lay,
With me till I'm cold,
And as I cool down,
Dont cry,
Dont frown,
Just remember me,
The only thing I ask,

If I die young,
Never look back in regret,
Just remember me,
And smile,
Every once in a while...

If I die young...

If I die young.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

I wonder if...
If I told you who I really was,
Would you see me differently?
Well of course you would...
Or at least,
That was what I thought,
But what if you,
See it better then me..
The one that I am really to be..?

I wonder if...
If you changed the thoughts,
That you had when you first laid eyes on me,
Well of course you would,
You even said so to me,
You told me that yoe never thought,
Oh no never thought,
That you would fall so hard,
That my inside was so inside,
That you had to work for me,
Now tell me do you see?
The centered soul of me..?

Oh Oh what would you be,
Without me?
And what would I be,
Without you?!

what if I opened up the door to my heart for you?


No company at all sounds better...

The piano sounds run through my mind,
Symphonies we used to listen to,
Now I'm just listening in lonely company...

The calming of her feminine voice,
Makes me mindless dreaming,
But I'm just dreaming in quite company...

Without a little peace or hurt,
I won't fall asleep,
An it takes an ocean,
Not to cry,
In quite company....

The drums are beating me down,
This used to be our little street town,
Now I'm just listening in lonely company...

All these images, images, images,
The seem so real-life as if it's happing right here,
But I'm just wandering in quite company...

It a terrible storm,
And I'm just walking in,
I won't settle down,
I won't have piece of mind,
If I can't follow you around...

But I won't follow you,
Into the cave,
No not for me,
You just stay in the subvert,
But no subverting me...

I'd rather be in quiet company...

I'd rather be, In quiet company. 

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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

But You...

Do you find love?
Or does love find you?
So many questions can be asked...
But will we ever find a answer?
Every time I think I know,
Is seems there was still a side,
Left to show,
And then even when you know sure,
That You made the right choice,
Its always the head vs the heart,
And how could I forget you stupid,
When my heart keeps betaling faster around you?
Even after goodbye,
It seems the more that I look around,
That the only thing I find,
Is that you were all I was looking for...
So many questions can be asked,
But love is different every time,
So no one can help you find the answer,
But you...

Just because I live this one, I look at you for...


Thunderstruck thats how he called it,
First you feel it all,
And then it just all gets numb,
Youre paralized,
And all is gone in a second...

I think it was more like drowning,
I didnt dare to gasp for air, 
But when I did,
It was nowhere...
Yet all around me seem te breathe,
There is no oxygen for my relieve...

Everyone sees it diffrent,
And feels it diffrent...
Yet it stays the same.

depression, she saved everyone, but couldn't save herself.

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014


You hurt me,
Broke my heart,
Teared my apart,
As I wanted to write it down,
For I was never good at screaming,
Or speaking words out at all,
I wanted to let you know in my own way,
How you made me feel,
So I picked my journal,
Opende it and slided with my fingertips across a brand new page,
It was so spotless white,
Just what I needed to write,
And the longer I tried,
And the more I thought,
It just stayed white and cold and...
And then I realised t said it,
It was precisely what I felt like...

All that I felt was nothing, I was empty.

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paper doll

I was dreaming of myself as a paper doll,
Trying on all kinds of dresses,
A red one, A bleu one, even a green one,
But non of them felt quite right,
They were all made of paper,
And then it appeared to me,
So was I,
I wasn't made of sugar,
But still I would be destroyed by water,
I was a paper doll,
For someone to play with,
Just a paper doll...
For you to try on...

A paper doll, that was what it seemed like, for someone to play with.

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midnight starlight

At midnight,
At midnight,
We agreed on that,
At midnight in the starlight,
We would let it reignite,
The butterflies,
They started to hide,
When we brought them to the light,
So now we won't tell anyone,
We won't show,
What was there still to grow,
A love like a ours,
Is more then I've seen,
I just can't imagine,
That there are people searching the world,
For what we've found so effortlessly,
Oh oh you and me,
And midnight,
When the church bells ring,
You'll be there,
And our new future will begin,
Bring me luck,
Make me star stuck...

I'll make myself some starlight.

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When time is still on my side

Time starts to feel diffrent now that I differ in time,
It used to seem to me,
That time is like a hourglass,
Slowly going,
And sometimes turned around...
But as I get older and grow up,
It get to me more and more,
That what time used to look like is changing in my eyes,
Sometimes it feels like time passes me by,
But other times it seems like I have no time... Or all the time of the world?!
So how could it be,
That time changes for me,
Please sister or brother tell me,
Its not only for me to see,
Tell me it changed in other eyes too,
Or tell me the story between time and you? 
Tick tack tick tack tick tack,
Lets just let time pass us by,
While time is still on our side...

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when time is still on my side, I'm 19 at 19:19.

Id be a game if you would play

Its a silly game were playing,
Dont know wheter I should stick around,
To play some more,
It seems she want all the toys I places with,
And boys I dance with on the dancefloor,
Its a silly game we shared,
Till the two of you paired,
And I cant play a game two against one,
That would be cheating,
That would be wrong...
We used have fun playing a silly game,
And we learned now the hard way,
To never love in vain,
It won't make you whole it just causes pain,
And now that the game is over,
The powns are thrown away,
After cleaning the mess and the frame,
Tell me won't we play a diffrent one?
Cause I'd be any game if you would play,
And I dare you to choose one thats better...
I'd be a game if you would play,
If you would play...

I'd be a game if you would play...

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That was the word he used,
To crush me...

He said when I wanted was to mind,
When we needed to mind...

Was all that was spilled,
The love flames suddenly got chilled...

Will be what I say,
Next time he asks me if I'm okay...

Because its a retorical question,
He knows its okay but far from fine...


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You can never love someone as much ad you can miss them.

Monday, April 14, 2014


He asked me what made me happy...

Sun, Ice Cream, Dogs, Cooking, Lipgloss, Children's toothpaste, New shoes, The smell of old books, Starbucks, John Green quotes, Blogging, Taylor Swift cd's, Donuts, Rainy cuddle sunday, Glass of wine, Little black dress, and you...

Then he smiled kissed me and said then were both easy please...

For I get happy when you are happy and happily I make you happy in our happy-ever-after.

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i heart u

Thats what friends are for

She forgot that she told me,
She was to drunk,
And im just reminissing,
Thinking over what I should do,
If I should go and talk to you, 
But I dont know how I should start,
Start the conversation,
That will wheigh hard on you,
For you really need to choose,
But neither of them you want to lose,
Im so sorry but what else can I say,
Then let know in a day,
Either way let me know,
What road youre gonna follow...
Wheter it is the one or the other,
We will be on youre side,
Thats what friends are for.

That's what friends are for

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This is home for me

The little street town,
The house of my granddad,
The mill with the garden,
House down the block,
Cars cleaned properly,
And birds whistling easily,
Cant you see?
This is home for me...

The road we walked endless,
The football club,
The sunday night parties,
And the old Brown pub,
Bikes without locks,
Flowers growing wild,
Cant you see?
This is home for me...

The strolling down the market,
The little pray place,
Where we had our first date,
Place you asked me to dance,
The grave of you're granddad,
My old high school,
Cant you see?
Right here is home for me...
And me and you we belong,
So this is you're home now too,
Stop searching the world,
For what you overlooked,
I'll be here today and tomorrow,
Waiting for you.

The lights were shining just for you and me

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Bestie in spain

Girlfriend in spain,
So far away,
But so close,
Closer as ever,
Even now she feels,
When I need her most,
Even if her eyes are closed,
When she gets back,
I will wait,
On the AirPort,
Happily to welcome her home,
To she her smile,
In the surprise,
Oh just a few months more,
When will step trough that door,
Just a few months more,
Before I can hugg her again tight,
Do pyjama parties,
And dance crazy nights,
And drink till one of us loses,
Just a few months,
Till my bestie is home!

Bestie in spain...

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Black minded

She always said that the way I wrote,
The way I chose my words,
Wasnt literate,
To her it was only negativity,
She never understood,
That it was a cry for help,
A wisper that I never had to speak out loud,
A sign from me that I dont feel so good,
But she never understood,
Not when I scream,
Not when I cry,
Not when I'm silent,
Nor when I speak up or try...
She never understood,
And I dont think she ever would,
For when I read to her proudly,
She never is proud,
She never says what I crave for most,
There are strangers that read my words,
That read every single post,
They get comford and tell me their stories,
I have fans and they state I have talent,
They read my happy and all in love, 
I'm on top I'm above pieces too,
But she couldnt care less,
She doesnt even tries,
She only has time when she needs me...
Or when I did something wrong,
The rest of the time she stays with her point strong,
That I'm just black minded,
And I always complain,
That I should better not speak at all,
She shut me up once for years,
And she's doing it again,
She hit me once,
She hit me twice,
And now emotional fist,
You're crossed of my blessed list...

Love is louder then the pressure to be perfect -DL

Quote from +Demi Lovato
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I always knew it was like that,
That I was concidert the weak one,
But zo'veel never guessed that they would take granted of me in this way,
That they would pull me head first,
And hand me over to the other side,
That they wouldn't even try to win my pride,
The never had me as first priority,
And I shouldve know,
Shame on me now...
Shame on me now...
For not feeling their cold breaths from behind,
For not seeing the knives they hide...
Shame on me,
For trusting them untrustworthy.

hardest decisions you'll ever face.... trust....

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The way you used to be mother

She was a lovely mom,
Till something made her cold,
Suddenly all at once,
She was no longer the one I knew,
She no longer believed,
In everything we shared,
And even now sometimes she will choose,
To do things when she knows it will hurt me,
She makes my cry without any reason why,
She criticizes me and my choise to stand up to my past,
But I'm sure it won't be long till the memories of used to be,
When there was only her loving and me,
Will be distantly,
I go out far more and longer than I should,
But what else can I do?
When who I wanne hide from is you..
And youre always there with youre snide comments, 
And youre "oh I wouldn't wear that" when I'm showing new clothes,
Youre not responding to any of my questions how dare you,
When I tried for years and years to make you proud,
Even when you hurt me in silent way or out loud...
I might still be depending on you,
But one day I will leave,
And the goodbye won't bother me,
Id rather keep it brief,
For I will be to relieved to grief,
Cause I can finally breath...

it's all up yo you...

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one night crime...

And as we were there in the tent,
As the liquor flowed,
As the power of the beat,
Heated up the heat,
As the dance shoes came out,
And side by side,
We let it all out on the dubstep,
Our song came on,
Our line,
It will be alright,
It is now or never,
He pulled me closer,
He started to walk,
To run,
Towards the exit,
And we snug out,
On the festival,
We when from taken to trailer,
And I whispered,
It's now or never,
I'd rather have when night...
Then nothing at all,
So it's now or never,
And he looked me in the eye,
Smiled as if he knew what I was thinking,
And said,
Let's live in the now,
We won't wanne miss the after party,
Do we?
I must admit... That I don't,
For I see sparks fly,
Whenever he's near,
Whenever he smiles,
He's all I need,
And I need to breath,
I need to scream,
So let's dance just one more night,
Pretend that we have a perfect world,
Go back in time,
And wake tomorrow,
Go back to alone and perfectly fine...
Away sorrow of mine,
If we just have a one last night crime.

The night we lost control, one night crime.

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I will too

You said forever,
And I did too,
You said you loved me,
And I did too,
You promised me time,
And I promised you mine,
When then suddenly,
You went away,
I stayed here to stay,
To wait,
Till youve found the way,
Home... To me,
But you never did,
That what I dont understand,
A love, 
Or any love,
Love at all,
It doesnt just dissapear...
So where did you go,
With or love...
Or more likely without...
And then I will too.

I'm not much for dancing, but for you I did

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My own funeral

I had this rare and amazingly strange dream last night,
It begon just like a nightmare...

I just turned twenty one, 
Him and I we were riding my new motor,
And oh how the wind went playing trough my hair,
I loved it together with the speed, 
My blood and heart speeded up, 
I was more alive then ever,
As I looked back to the horizon to see him,
Laughing my life came to an end,
I got crushed,
A drunk'n truck driver ran me off the road...
And there I stood in my dream on my own funeral,
I tried to scream "I'm still here, won't you see me?"
But they didn't hear nor saw me.
After lots of talking about my childhood from my mom, 
He stood up, 
He walked to my coffin and he looked at me,
Put a lilly in my hands, my favourit,
He started after a little cough,

"She was that kind of girl that everyone knows, not by her name, but by her smile and spirit. She was one that knew she wasn't perfect but in knowing her flaws and not trying to conceal them she was perfect to me. The sound of her laugh could make me shiver, the smell of her shampoo in the early morning. There is nothing I won't miss... She had this look in her eyes, so wide alive, she saw things in the littlest corners or details that no one else sees, her soul wanders of into places nobody has ever seen. She was the kind of girl that you only meet once in you're life, and if you do you're lucky. She made the world a magic place with her enchanting heart. She felt everything so intens that the love she shared sometimes was too much, I got scared sometimes for it was so passionate, what if it fades? But she never fades, she's more then just light, she makes you feel bright, and thats the difference she doesn't shines herself, she makes everyone else shine, she's the limited one, the divergent kind, she otherness and thats the reason why... She's the one..."
He sat down crying...

When I woke... He wasn't next to me.
Now I know that I should say something,
Or do something about us,
For I guess you said it in my dreams,
If I'm the one for you, than you're the one for me...
Forever in my dreams.

On my own funeral buried in dreams...

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Sunday, April 13, 2014

timings a bitch

It wasn't that we weren't great,
It wasn't that we didn't have magic,
It wasn't like there was no connection,
It was all there,
Every single glimpse of love was there,
It was enchanting,
It was breathtaking,
It was unconquerable,
Just bad timing...
It wasn't that we weren't a couple,
It wasn't like we were either,
It wasn't that we wanted it to fail,
It wasn't that it didn't came naturally,
We had it all, everything the rest wants,
We made them jealous what came effortlessly,
When on each others side's,
Just bad timing...
They say that love is all you need,
But that is false,
You also need timing,
And timing,
That's the problem...
Timing is a bitch...

timing's a bitch, that's the problem.

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mine truly

You said to me,
Please just let me in,
Learn me about you're secrets,
Teach me about you're past,
Tell me about you're scars,
But I can't,
I can't be myself fully with you,
And don't take it like that,
I asked you yet you didn't understand,
But I ment I can't show you,
The real true me,
Not because I'm scared you'll judge,
It's more that I'm scared who I will turn out,
What will I be?
And what if... What if,
I don't like what I see,
When I look in the mirror in the true depths of me?

Friday, April 11, 2014

At 4 a.m.

As I watched you comming closer,
And you watched me watching you,
I realised in the blurred out 'hello's',
That it was stupid to think that we could still be buddies,
No one stays friends with the onces the used to love,
So how could we think that the past would never catch in on us?
That at one point one of us should at least gotten hurt,
When one falls in love again, 
But this time there is a chance that it will be with someone else,
Someone that isn't the both of us...
So I ask you know,
In this spring breeze at 2 a.m.
Please don't be in love with someone else,
Please tell me she's not waiting for you,
Please dont be in love with an other girl,
Please still call for me,
But you walked away,
And now its 4 a.m. 
Youve got me feeling like I just lost a friend,
Dont you know that is hard, hard on me...
Its 4 a.m. I kinda need a friend,
But all I want is...

Thursday, April 10, 2014

because of the thought of me

We pretended to be other people,
And then laughed as they believed,
We would walk home for hours,
After a night dancing and drinking,
Oh how we would laugh and giggle,
Those memories as so precious,
More then anyone could ever guess,
More then we valued at the time,
More then anything the will ever be mine,
We looked into the deep bleu ocean eyes,
Win the fun fair bells price,
Go home when the morning sun already rises,
Skipping a whole night, sharing secrets and skin,
Giving up on scars stories as pillow talk,
Oh how I would love to hear him whisper,
Once more in my ear,
How I'd love to think of him once without a tear,
If I'd known then what I know now,
I would looked at us from a distance,
As a star from heaven, the once we wished on,
Shimmering and glancing down,
Shining because of you're smile and love,
Oh oh oh... what I wouldn't do,
To be just a moment in a memorie again with you,
You asked me once why are you so mysterious,
And I told you it's because life isn't to be taken serious,
I just hope that sometimes late a night,
When we both stare from our lonely beds,
Trough the curtains into the black night,
To the yin yang moon,
That you'll think of me as I think of you,
That you smile because of what we used to be,
That you smile because of the thought of me...

It started of...

It started of with a kiss,
But it got more and more,
And there was no turning back,
It disappeared the door,
It wasn't supposed to be great,
it wasn't supposed to be love,
But it came naturally,
Like ti was send from above,
Instinctively I fell for you,
As if falling is something you do freely,
So as we free fall,
Into nothing out of nothing,
Where will we land on?
Maybe it's a mistake,
But at least it's a mistake,
The both us seem to like,
The more we make it,
The better it gets,
It started of with a kiss,
And now there is no more,
No more turning back....

There is no more turning back.

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The reason I smile

I got up on the wrong side of the bed,
And the whole day went wrong,
I missed my bus,
I trip and fell over my own feet,
I spilled coffee over my white skirt,
I got an F on my presentation,
Oh how it seemed my whole day got dark and rainy cloudy like grey,
When suddenly I found you on my way,
And my heart made a jump,
And everything was okay,
An as my soul spotted you and,
It just kind of when like,
Hey you, finally I got home,
Eventhough I was still on my way back,
But you're my home,
You're my all and even when all goes wrong, 
At the end of the day,
You always make me smile...
Even when I don't feel like it,
You make me smile! 

Monday, April 7, 2014

No more lies and cheating

I used to accept it,
All of it,
The lies and the cheating,
Leaving me out there,
All alone when you're nowhere,
To be found,
Tell me now,
If I hadn't followed you,
Would you be sorry now,
Or is it just that you get caught,
Oh you look so confused,
While I'm the one just learning the truth now,
You, get out, I want you to leave,
Just go and don't you ever dare to look back,
For I won't be dressed in black,
To bad for you and me,
To bad this is the end,
But I can't cry for you,
Cause there will come a better one for me,
A someone who will see,
What you didn't want from me...