Save me from myself

Self-hatred grows inside me,
Almost as fast a tumor,
It's like cancer on you're soul,
I'm no longer the director,
Of the thoughts in my own head,
The only thing I think of is dead...

Shame burns me down,
I never was the beauty,
Never was the one wearing the crown,
But now that there is nothing else,
That could be my life's duty,
There these sort of alarm bells,
They never stop ringing...

Numbness gives me stress in peril,
I need someone to notice,
Me at least for some time until,
I've figured out,
What I need and,
What this life is all about,
And why it seems that I can't,
I never quite can fit in,
Not even if I wanted to...

This indolent feeling in me,
It makes me scared,
That maybe it will always,
Stay like this,
What if I can never be repaired?
What if this broken scarred heart stays?
And what if it stays me that I miss...

Somewhere down this road I got broke,
Somewhere on these words I choke,
But whenever I think of giving in,
Of leaving because of them,
I realize I promised my little eight year old self,
Never to let them win...
That would be the biggest self-harm sin...
I never thought then,
What I know now,
There is always more,
You're story will get better then before.

I will fight until I am the author of my own story again.

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