Saturday, February 28, 2015


Thinking about you,
Thinking about me,
The love we shared,
What if it was ment to be?
Not in the way we hoped,
Not in the savings ropes,
But just as it where...
Maybe the reason why we where us,
Was because of the fuss,
Maybe we were suppost to have,
Not even a name or plan for all,
Cause it makes me scared,
And would've made you freak,
Maybe we just both loved greek,
And we liked pizza and driving round,
Listening to John mayers sound,
Maybe this was all there ever was,
No more falling in the grass,
Nothing but memories,
About you and me in a summerbreeze,
Maybe the magic was in the pass,
In the fact that something,
So unexpected bound to part,
Can still touch the heart...
Cause only that, is worth remembering,
Is worth to be called, magical...

If you were to ask me, still believe in magic? Yes I do... Coldplay.


I went hoping you'd stop by,
If only to day hi.

I got there so absolutely sure,
That you where mature.

I was staring round,
But you where no where to be found.

I tried to act cool,
but you do bring out the fool.

As I was calling out,
For you so loud.

As I tried to make you see,
That there is a part of me,

Willing to be yours,
Ready to open doors,

You pull back,
And I lack,

Just a bit of dare,
To show you that I care,

More about you then you think,
I'm just not one to drink,

And get drunk on love,
I'd rather get a sign for above.

But now that I've learned,
Something like that is to be earned,

I am here for you,
And I'd do,
Anything for you.

I might not love the same way as you,
But that does not mean that I don't love you,
The same amount as you do,
Love me.
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Friday, February 27, 2015

Close the door

I stayed up late nights wondering,
Why'd you gave up,
But it seems,
The more I think about it,
And the more thoughts rotate and revolve,
That you never gave up,
I mean how could you when...
You never even tried,
And how can you give up if you're not in for the long run?
Before you tried,
You choose to quite,
You could make everything alright,
If you just said something,
But youre not here,
It's not in the stars tonight...
I stayed up late night wondering,
But no more,
I'll close door.

You've got me bound to you by chains that only exist
in my mind, demons created trough love.

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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Self assured

I wanna make my eyes shut,
Go to sleep,
Take the short cut,
But when I wake,
From dreaming,
Could I be believing?
That all will be fine,
What I need to be mine,
Can I look at my reflection,
Without the detection,
Of an imperfection?
One day up ahead,
Can there really be said,
That I will be pleased,
My mind is eased,
When I talk about my own,
When I've grown,
Is life really that much better?
When you believe,
You're a go-getter...
Instead of a scarlet letter.

I wish I could go back to this day, and feel right this way.

Me and my brother at granddad's 80th on pic above!
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Tuesday, February 24, 2015


I've been thinking 'bout you,
Will you know,
Will you know now then?
I've been wondering 'bout you,
Will you ever,
Will you ever think 'bout?
I've been curious 'bout you,
What's your name,
What's your name now dear?
I've been dying to know,
Is it?
Is it killing you,
Like I've been dying,
To meet you again,
Is it killing you?
Like it left me breathless?
Is it killing you,
Like it kills me...
Like it leaves me stranded,
Is this the new love,
Of a nightly high generation?
Leave me there to die,
Give it a try,
It's so romantic,
You're the romantic,
Leaving me to drown between ship and shore...
Sure makes hunger for more,
Between ship and shore,
Let me drown,
Be the romantics bound by...

Loneliness is one hell of a drug... -- John Mayer.

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Sunday, February 22, 2015

Not a poem.

There are no writers,
There is no genre,
A thing as a poem does not excists.

The words on paper,
Are not words,
Not even nouns combined.

I do not put a pen to paper,
Not even when ink is black,
And I have a white blank page.

There is not a thing called inspiration,
Nothing as a muse is imaginable,
All any human, even I can put to paper...

Is the tears that drip down and soak in,
The sweat from my heart running from the thoughts of my mind,
Or a spatter of salvia from the wildest laughs.

I'll cut my fingers on the edges,
And bleed my heart out,
The red lipstick of a kiss so soft.

Is the crooked shreds you pulled,
The crumble your trembling and clasping hand makes,
The slighty vage linger from the print of my finger.

That alone,
Is what paper asks for,
And what we can write.

There for there are no writers,
There is not a genre to be found,
Things as poems don't excist.

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Sing sing sing

It's like listening to the same ballad,
Over and over and over again,
I know the tones,
Feel the pace,
Can synchronize the words,
Every little detail,
Into the smallest part,
I know it all by heart.
From miles away,
I can hear the sound,
It makes me flashback,
To when we invented the song,
But tell me know,
What does a love song mean?
Without the love...
You know the words,
You play the chords,
You just don't sing,
Along to our stupid love song thing...
You just don't sing.

What does a love song mean, without love?

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I was hoping,
Really hoping,
It was your voice I heard,
I honestly thougt,
For a second there,
That it was,
I awoke emidiatly,
My heart pounded,
And all my sences got,
Twisted and tangled,
By the illusion of,
Being just two feet,
From my own,
But it wasn't you,
It was my mind,
Fooling me,
The same way you used to,
Foolish me,
You don't love me,
You only love yourself.

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And in that song, I found I was lost all along.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Liebster A-what?! Liebster Award ;-)

The Liebster Award...
Yes we got nominated so you must be wondering,
What the f*&%^ck is The Liebster Award?!
In the shortest explaination ever...
It's a virtual award passed trough by blogs in order to:
Get attention for blogs that deserve more attention.
It's for the little blogs out there (-200 followers) who are too awesome...
To not get noticed! :))

Liebster Award, One Love Bloggers!

In addition to our nomination we'll be searching for more blogs to nominate,
If you have blogs you think deserve this, or if you think your own blog should...
Let us know below in the reaction and we'll visit your blog to be considerd. 

The questions we have to answer in order to get the award are to be read down this post.
One of the most likeable things about the award is that it is so personal, your readers and the person who asks you the question learns more about the person behind the blog when it's been spotlighted.

1. Wat vind jij het leukste aan bloggen? / what do you like most about blogging?
Ik vind het geweldig om gewoon al mijn gevoelens te laten stromen en dan vervolgens te zien dat andere mensen dit ook mee maken of voelen, het idee dat je nooit alleen bent in je gedachten en gevoelens, daar wordt ik heel gelukkig van.
The fact that I can just let all my feelings flow and then later on read in the reactions that other people expeiance this as well, and feel all I feel makes me so happy, it makes me feel as if nobody is ever really alone. 

2. Omschrijf jezelf in 5 woorden / descripe yourself in 5 words:
Creatief, Loyaal, Zorgzaam, Productief, Uniek.
Creative, Loyal, Caring, Productive, Unique. 

3. Wat is je lievelings gadget? / What is yout fav gadget?
Ik kan echt gewoon helemaal niet zonder Apple tv. Schandalig maar ik ben niet zo heel technisch en Netflix staat dan zo gemakkelijke met iedere film of serie op de tv of ik nu kijk vanaf de tv zelf, vanaf m'n Mac of een Ipad. Aanrader voor iedereen!
I could not live without Apple tv. I know it sounds insane... But I am just so clumpsy I can not in any way do anything with technique so I love the easy way out and in this case it doesn't matter anymore from what device I want to watch whatever on tv, it just works. And I would certainly recommend it to eveeryone!

4. Wat is jou favoriet restaurant en waarom? / what is your fav diner and why?
Ik ben helemaal weg van de Griek in Deurne niet ver van ons thuis. Waarom is een goede vraag. Ik denk voornamelijk omdat ik daar veel goede herinneringen aan heb. If you know what I mean ;-)
I absolely adore the Greek a few miles from my house. Why is a very good question. I think mostly because I have like a ton of wonderful memories about that place. If you know what I mean ;-)

5. Welk programma van van de buis? / tv show you watch?
Ik kijk echt werkelijk alles behalve reality. Ik ben bij netflix gewoon bij de A begonnen in een herfstvakantie met alleen maar regen en tot en met Z gekeken. Ik weet het dit klinkt belachelijk... Mijn lievelings zijn: The mentalist, Criminal minds, Revenge, How I met your mother, Courgar town, Lost en Suits. I honestly watch anything accept for reality. I started with the A on netflix in a rainy fall vacation and went on to Z. I know how it sounds... My fav's are: The mentalist, Criminal minds, Revenge, How I met your mother, Courgar town, Lost and Suits. 
I just love love love love him don't you?!

 6. Wat wil je bereiken met je blog? / what do you want to accomplish with your blog?
Ik heb mijn blog voornamelijk voor het plezier en om mijn emoties eruit te schrijven. Maar als ik op een dag de mogelijkheid krijg om mijn geld met het schrijven te verdienen, dan neem ik dit met twee handen aan, een meisje mag dromen hebben toch?! I really only have my blog for fun and getting my emotions out, but if I where to eventually be able to make money out of my writing, my wildest dreams would have come treu. 

7. Wat is je favoriete hotspot? / what is your coolest hotspot?
Daar waar ik me op dat moment helemaal thuis voel. Dit wisselt nog wel eens! There where I feel like I'm home. It changes from time to time! 

8. Wat is jouw leukste jeugdherinnering? / best childhood memory?
Als papa mijn prins was tijdens het doornroosje spelen. Hij kwam me elke dag voor het eten wakker kussen. When my dad would play the price when re-inacting the sleeping beauty. He would come and kiss me awake every single day before diner. 

9. Wat doe je het liefst als je niet blogt? / what do you love to do when you don't blog?
Ik vind het heerlijk om te hardlopen, een boek te lezen, series te kijken, DIY te doen, te rommelen op mijn kamer, dingen met mijn vriendinnen te doen, enz. I love to run, read a books, watch shows, do a DIY, search around my room, doing things with friends, and much more.

10. Noem 2 activiteiten die op jouw bucketlist staan. / Name 2 activities on your bucketlist.
Ik zou heel graag mijn motorrijbewijs halen en een keer op surfvakantie gaan. I would love to get a motor drivings lisence and to go on a surfing vacation. 

11. Welke BNr zou jij graag willen interviewen? / which famour Dutchy would you like to interview?
Euhhh duhhhh Ilse de lange! Well ofcourse Ilse de Lange!

I haven't decided yet witch blogs to pass the award along to, leave suggestions below in a comment or send a message to our facebook: :D 

Thanks again When essie smiles --> it's awesome check it out! :)

Liebster Award, Yay! :)) Thanks

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I admit

I must admit,
That i'm in and out,
Of everything,
In and out of my mind,
This world,
You, me, us,
All that there is,
I can't turn my back,
I can't walk away,
I'm way too terrified,
To lose for what I am,
Torn up about,
To choose for...
I'm addicted to the pain,
That makes me feel,
So alive,
When your with me,
Do you see it?
I'm so in and out,
Of touch,
Heart and mind,
I'm in and out,
Of my mind,
I only ask for you,
When I admit to all,
That you won't leave me behind...

No no no no, don't leave me, please, no no no...

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Tuesday, February 17, 2015


I've been trying,
To pin point,
Where it went wrong,
Where I lost you,
Into translating,
The speaches of this world,
To the actions they desired,
I've been thinking,
About a girl,
I once used to know,
When I lost her,
Trying to adjust,
Her words to those of the world,
But the differ is still to blame,
I've been writing,
For you to read,
All these words on witch I bread,
I try to explain how I feel,
Yet I can not put in anything real,
It's like I have a lack of words,
I'm just a little speechless,
I must honestly confess,
That there are no more words left,
For me to you to be said...
It's all in here or in writing somewhere,
I only hope that,
You'll be reading,
The words you needed to hear,
In order to see clear,
That you and I,
Should give this a try,
If you thought of me,
Give me a call,
Cause lately...
I have not changed my number,
Just in case you call me later to say,
You've been thinking about,
Me, Lately.

Lately I wished we stayed sober that night.

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I fell into a rabbithole,
You jumped in,
And there uit was,
You and I lying on the ground,
Echo of our laughing sounds,
I looked up at the stars,
Knowing you'd do the same,
You started to tell,
What they all mean,
When I realized this spell,
It's like when there is only...
You and me,
Somehow we always fall free,
Into wonderland,
This place where we get lost,
From who we are,
And where we belong to,
A place to forget,
All the night waking us up with regret,
We fell into wonderland,
You and I loved it there,
But it can't,
Be anymore wonderdland then is was,
Cause we should not take pass,
In something so far from our own,
Yet so close to home...
Wonderland becomes a burden,
An hell with to much love for anyone to handle,
A hell with only diner, small talk and a lighted candle,
We found wonderland,
You and I fell for it,
Love had never been as intense as is,
Yet not as heartbroken the can't...
We found in wonderland.

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Monday, February 16, 2015

Golden days

The cold shivered trough my bones,
But we where the once's wearing the crowns,
We are the kings and the queens,
In a one road kind of town,
Where they will call out our names,
At the midnight jokes in fame,
We will be mentioned one or two times,
My bed so warm and soft,
Took me in as a mother hold her child,
The flesh inside my skin was reignited,
I could feel all energy floating,
I had done the most crazy dances,
I had been awake for too many hours,
But still, I felt so wide awake,
My eyes and ears,
They see and hear it all so clear,
This moment passing by,
I will not let it go unnoticed,
I'll catch it, remember it, cause,
The golden days are now,
The golden days are now,
We are the kings and the queens,
When one day they will read out my name,
I'll go back to remember how days became,
The golden once's...
Not a question hard to figure out,
Love, laughter and friends turning into,
Family... That's what they're all about...
The golden days. 

If you have crazy friends, you have everything.

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Saturday, February 14, 2015

Sweet me off my feet.

Valentine's day,
Making my way,
Crowded street,
High heeled feet,
Clicking on the pavement,
The shoes I lent,
I meet your eyes,
Oh time flies,
When love goes fast,
There is no past,
Only a secret bound,
With the one you found,
Becomming your own,
In every possible way shown,
I will let you know,
That I love you so,
When I give you my heart,
Part by part,
Here's the first of many to come,
Darling your the one,
Valentine's day,
I had my say,
Silent still street,
Man on his knees,
Everyone sees,
Sweeping me off my feet.

Happy valentine's day.

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Friday, February 13, 2015

You asked.

"You know what the strangest things is?
Now at the ending,
When all we do is fight and stumble,
I still find myself smiling on your midnight mumble,
When all is crumbling down,
You still have to gift to turn a laughter out of a frown,
You know what the most rare is?
That even after all,
The breaks, blows and shakes we survived,
We could still be parting at last,
But somehow it feels like a mistake made to fast.
I wish we could quietly rethink,
The promises unspoken written in invisible ink,
How can I let you go,
When I know for myself,
That I will not find in any amounts of lifetimes,
This strange and rare love we share."

Something keeps me holding on to nothing...

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There you where,
Standing still,
Acting like we got nothing to lose,
If only so.

Here I am,
Staring blank ahead,
My hearts bleeding dead..
Time won't heal...

There we where,
Starting to try and make a move,
But that's just not treu,
Cause every time I look at you...

I go crazy, I drive insane,
I want to curse your name,
Fault the blame...

But what if I...
Asked for too much,
Translation didn't pass,
We got lost between pages,
Turned by time...

There it is,
The moment,
When we pretent to choose,
But we know,
Pretending is to lose...

Second choice is the worst of all.

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Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Everyone know, give up, let's win both.

You got talk to your friends,
I stand there like a ghost,
Watching over all surrounding me,
They laugh as they look over,
To my side of the room,
There is no border line,
But still everyone is bound,
Not to go to the other side,
It's a battle where on of us,
Will surely lose it's pride,
A war that should be between you and I,
But you can't win all on your own,
You know I would without intention,
Steel your hear again,
Because me smiling once,
Or a single look from my eyes,
Would take you back to paradice,
Now you can turn it eather way you want,
And I respect you for not wanting to break a bound,
But it's going to be now or in the near future,
So come back, come back to me,
Like we know it's gonna be.

You loved the pic, the city, but more then anything, you loved me remember?

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Thinking about you,
I saw just now,
How much you've held me back,
Countless days and nights,
I did not laughed the way I used to,
I forgotten I was to be loved in this,
As well.
I was cleuless as to what I did wrong,
Was I?
I was not allowed to look sloppy,
Whatever that mean.
I had to be the good and cute and silly girl,
When I am serious as well.
You said my hair was best not long not short,
But in between and not blonde and all,
But I... I like it short,
So now that you have gone,
So is the girl that said,
She would never cut her hair,
So is the girl that was scared not be perfect,
So is the girl that walkes on her toes,
To keep you happy,
Cause she is doing now,
Is making herself happy...
And she finally cut her hair.

I did everything you said I could not, I am free, from who I used to be.

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Not even a goodbye

When it was over,
All was gone,
There remains one thing,
You and I we parted,
From a thing that never started,
So late at night I wonder,
If you ever think of me,
If you ever try to hold on,
To the memories the same way,
As do I,
I wonder if I'm the one to blame,
I think about you cursing my name,
Can you tell me,
Did I aks for too much?
Didn't I gave enough,
Or was it just not ment to be,
Streared away from above?
I wished for all the right reasons,
For one last night,
So you and I could say,
Everyhting we forgot that day,
So that there would be a goodbye,
Instead of an lie,
Cause it wouldn't have been this...
If only we had a goodbye,
But we never even had...
That moment to regret. 

We spend months together it seemed as if time flew...

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Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Into you.

After all this time,
I knew that it should have flown,
The sparks should been gone,
Looks shouldn't tell books,
And I should not be glacing,
At the way you're danicing,
But even after all this time,
I'm into you,
I'm always into you,
So into you,
How did we get this far?
How did we get here?
But after all this time,
The fire is not extinguished,
The light keeps on reignight,
There is no place to hide,
I still tripp by the touch of your lip,
I'm still into you,
I'm so into you,
Into you,
Into you...
After all this time,
Into you. 

I'm so into you, you, you.

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Sunday, February 8, 2015

I am me.

Put on my clothes,
Without any thought,
Didn't even look in the mirror,
Big smile on my face,
Swing in my step,
Like I am dancing in new shorts,
All stars tied together,
Red lips separated by my laugh,
I was completely free,
From all of the things I used to be,
She said to me,
"What's going on with you tonight?"
I could tell by the look on her face,
That she didn't like this layer of...
Confidence spilled on me in the moonlight,
Yet I just did not care,
So I when on and for the first ever I dare...
"I'm great, more then great actually,
Nothing's going on, just a really good day for me,
This is the real me, nice to meet you..."
Her shocked face only said
"Oh well, I can remember a time where you where,
That's what made it so clear,
They all knew, they all saw,
It's just that they're not real friends,
She's not happy for me,
Finding who I was ment to be,
She liked me better when she was sure,
I served my purpose,
But I will not do so any longer,
I am so much Stronger.
I am stronger then the part of insecurity that lingers.
Free, I am free from what I used to be,
For the first since history,
I am me. 

I think I'm better then before. I was ment to be so much more.

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Standing still

All my girl friends,
They all move ahead,
Some are moving in,
Others move out their houses,
Everything is changing,
So unbelievable fast,
But I.. I last,
I feel as if I...
I stay exactly the same,
In this revolving world,
Where we all live,
Hundred miles an hour lives,
I am standing still,
When everyone surrounding,
Is moving and going,
I feel as if I am standing still...
The clock ticks,
And the wheels turn,
The sun rises,
The morning comes,
As the dawn breaks,
I realise that only one,
Who will be able to make me move,
Is me... By making a move,
All by myself,
I'm gonna have to choose,
What I will win and lose,
That's living,
That's the way you live,
Choosing what you get, what you give.

Life is about choosing what you win and lose,
You make your own luck. 

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Saturday, February 7, 2015

On the side

Sat there on the side,
Like the salad no one likes,
Watched as life played out,
Everyone sticking to their part,
No one speaking from heart,
I saw you,
I saw you're face in the mids of the crowd,
You walked with your head held high,
When you walked me by,
Thought for a second there,
You and I would intwine,
But it seems I can only be part,
Of your life by watching it,
In posts, status and pictures on Facebook,
It hurts like salt on a cut,
This feeling inside my gut,
Now that we no longer,
Are bound by any kind of stronger force,
Our lives got a divorce,
We don't look, wave or smile,
It's been this way quite a while,
All I want to know now is,
If it is hurting you,
The way it is hurting me...
I am dying to know...
Sat there on the side,
Watched life passed me by,
Goodbye my love, goodbye.

I still believe, just no longer in us, but I believe, oh I believe.

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Wednesday, February 4, 2015

These words

Do you,
Remember what I said,
On our last night?
"I can not say what I want of this life,
But I would do anything,
To be your everything,
But if you have the slightest doubt,
If there is a part not sure,
If you wonder if she might be worth more,
When you do not wake and fall to sleep,
With me on my mind,
If not all your dreams whisper my name,
When you do not smile in every thought of me,
If I am not in the visions of your future,
When you do not think of me as in September,
Then please do not recall or remember,
Then leave me alone,
Do not call, do not greet,
Do not do anything to meet,
I would do anything for you,
If you'd ask me to,
If you dare to ask me to be yours,
To give this one more try,
I would give you my all,
But if you don't,
Then don't call..."
Now you can either love these words,
Or hate them with all fury,
You can curse these words,
Speak ugly of me,
You can risk all on them,
I just hope,
I said them just right,
I only hope,
They'll haunt you,
Like the memories haunt me...

And I still think of you every single time the Notebook comes on..

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Not over myself

Last night, Lonely,
I was thinking,
Reminiscing memories,
Looking over souvenir's,
You know,
How far you'll have to reach,
In order to get,
Where you've been dreaming of,
Is not half as far,
Nor any more of the effort,
You've put into where you came from,
I was holding onto,
My favourite anthem,
It's a picture of you and I,
Our hands tangled up,
I looked so lovely into your eyes,
Smiled as if the world where at peace,
I could've sworn you where,
My heaven on earth...
I never gave you the photo,
Cause I knew,
Then you would fall in love,
With me even more,
Then you where before,
And I came to understand,
That I will never be over you,
For you have never broken my heart,
I broke my own heart,
When I left you there,
Acting like I did not care,
Oh but how I did,
I broke my own heart,
And I'm so not over me,
I don't know if I can get over myself,
But I'm halfway there,
Could anyone admit,
That they are just not ready for a love,
While at the same time I'd give,
Anything and everything,
To have you falling back to my feet,
Cause all I wished for is you,
But it shouldn't be like this,
Even tough this is all I want,
Not like this,
Never like this,
Not when your heart is on the line...
It's all I ever wanted,
More then I can handle,
Yet not enough...

She was the kind of girl, who searched for things, that could
never be found...

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Monday, February 2, 2015

One look

She looked at me,
With puppy eyes,
After she told me to go,
She begged me to stay,
Without a word said,
I heard it all,
It's in the way she moves,
In the clothes she choose,
It's in her hair pulled up,
She looked at me,
Wide eyes gaze,
As I started to praise,
Her presents around,
How I loved the linger,
She stormed of,
Just to run back into,
Thing crazy love of ours,
She looked at me,
I looked at her,
And that's all it takes.

Cause one look in your eyes is all it takes to make me falling.

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Sunday, February 1, 2015

I guess that's life.

I'd looked at life,
Ever since I could think I saw,
A train constantly moving,
Unable to be stopped...
So now that I see,
Myself looking outside,
Gazing at the other trains,
It feels as if they are all,
Passing me by, 
Moving faster then I,
Going in the direction,
I was heading too,
When I caught on a delay,
I'd aways thought the only possibility,
Is moving forward you should move,
Keep on going, always,
But as I wandered off,
I found that pausing to look around,
And remember,
All the things you're train left behind,
All it is passing trough now,
And everything facing up ahead,
You'll soon see,
That all trains, even me,
Will constantly move,
Unable to be stopped,
And that's all of it,
It's about not trying to stop it down, 
It's about enjoying the ride,
It's about loving the view,
It's about moving, 

It's the ride we call "life"

It's about not trying to stop it down,
It's about enjoying the ride,
It's about loving the view,
It's about moving, cause that's living.

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