Thursday, April 14, 2016

In her standing

You don't approve,
The way my dishes build up,
Like skyscrapers in my sink,
You hate,
How my floor is carpeted,
By a million pieces of clothing,
I understand,
I understand,
Momma,
I understand,
That you wanted a different life for me,
But look at where we are at,
Come sit,
We won't talk tonight,
Cause nothing we'd say,
Could change a thing,
I'm leaving tomorrow...

You do not approve,
How I wear my hair,
Really like that?!
You hate,
That I write,
All that dark shit,
Do you want people to think your crazy?
Do you want them to think your depressed?
I want to understand,
I want to understand,
Momma,
I want to understans,
That you wanted a different life for me,
But look at where I am finally at,
We won't talk all of next week,
Will we?
Cause nothing I'd say could make you accept me,
I left you a long time ago...

You do not want to know,
Who your daughter is,
You do not love,
The memories you keep of her,
All you are holding on to,
Is the screams and the fights,
The bruises and the endless nights,
I understand,
I understand,
Momma,
I understand,
That you do not love me,
I've heard it the first couple of times...
I understand...

I understand,
That I sicken you for being here,
Alive and breathing,
I understand,
I understand,
That you rather had a different child,
I understand,
I understand,
That you do not want to save the changes I've made,
Even if it would mean,
I wouldn't have been saved either,
Even if it would mean,
I would have been wasted flesh drained in the hot tub,
I understand.

I understand,
For here I stand,
Wasted as you tell me,
Without having have had a drink,
For here I stand,
Spoiled ad you tell me,
In life expirience, yes,
Cause I've known love,
And I've lost it,
Cause I've known my worth,
And you've caused to cost it,
For I have been down to the lowest boiling point,
Yet found how to fire myself up,
I understand.

I understand,
You do not want to understand,
You do not want to learn who I am,
For all I am is in despite of you,
We will not speak,
Ever again,
I understand,
I understand,
Why he left you,
I understand,
That you blame me,
I understand,
You do not want me...

Now I hope you understand,
My ropes have been unraveled,
I've cut myself lose,
The two that got away...

I hope you understand now,
That I can not accept you in my life,
I can not love you,
When you are the reason,
I struggle to accept and love myself.

I am sorry,
For how we have walked this path,
Yet it is time,
For me,
To stray.

























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