Wednesday, June 24, 2015



When you and I where at the party of one of my girlfriends, she was about to travel the world for half a year. You showed up but acted goofy. You where late and brought a friend. I figured that you and your mate had played a drinking game, turned out, you had been drinking alone. You couldn't say it to my face. If only you had.


There is was, staring at my face. I think it was about 2 a.m. You where baking eggs  for me, and joked around with my friends. I looked in your pupil and kissed your forehead. You where so beautiful. I laughed with you until dawn when we finally fell asleep.  Now I understand why you hesitated when I asked you to stay the night.


He was layed on your couch I remember, te photo was ugly and not even sharp. But you texted me after that they asked if I came as well. I had just met them all for the first time. I wondered why you had not asked me in advance of that moment, but little did I knew.


Your brother and I where having the most funny conversation ever. You didnt liked it. I went on and talked with some of your friends outside, I had a smoke with them. You didnt liked that either. You came standing besides me, guarding me. An old classmate started to talk to me, and she asked, "if we were a couple". You and I both heard it. Once I said it was complicated you turned your head. Yet you did not mentioned it when we later that night, stood in the moonlight, giving the other one a good nights kiss. 


He was playing guitar, the others were singing and you were keeping me warm. We dat close to the fire, I loved how your hand kept caressing me. Later that night in your car you asked me "if there was anything missing, if I ever missed things in my life?" I said there was nothing I missed, I started with nothing. I had more then I ever had... 

Now I know, I was missing you. You where slowly fading away. 

If you'd ask me know, I would say, even after all, that I am missing you. I keep holding on to these pictures... Yet they won't ever wrap their arms around me, the same way you used to.

If only our photobook was not yet filled,
If only I could spend another moment,
With you.

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