I once was

Had I not asked myself,
A thousand times,
If maybe the curtain,
Was closing on me?
What I was ought to be?
If there was even a chance,
To get back to who,
I once was.

Had I not questioned,
Your intentions,
Only a million times,
Between the white lies,
Endless cries,
And tired eyes,
I dreamed not of you,
But the girl,
I once was.

Had I not understood,
That some things just could,
Not have been,
Anything other then wrong,
Yet when I write,
In the darkness staring at computer light,
I wonder do I have the right?
To be calling you out,
When I am no longer who,
I once was.

Had I not spoken,
Then was my heart mended,
Or broken?
Who can say,
If it would have been,
You or I that had,
The power to leave the other,
Nothing more and nothing less,
Then the mess,
I once was.

Rarely do I see, her in my mirror, the girl I used to be.

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